Can I get a sense check on how this teenage boys day looks?

[Punzel]

This is DS, 13, in year 8.
For context, goes to a super selective grammar so some academic pressure and lots of testing.
Plays sport every day of the week except Monday.

So today
Got up at 730, got a train to his football fixture, played the match, burger with friends, train back, got home about 11.30
Showered, declined anything to eat, had about a ten minute chat with us
Disappeared to his room just after 12
Reappeared just now, helped me put shopping away. Said he’s done homework and is playing Fifa.
Has now gone back up, said will be down about 4.30 to play football with his brother (9yo) or watch some TV
Tonight we will eat as a family and watch a movie together.

Does this seem too much time in his room? His Xbox is limited to 3 hours a day on weekends and his phone and Xbox switch off at 8pm. I feel like nowadays if he’s not playing sport or at school or out with us doing something specific he’ll be in his room playing
Xbox. He’s very helpful in the home, excelling at school, loving and affectionate but I just feel he’s always up there and the rest of us are down here!
I can give more details of his daily routine other days if it helps.
Thanks

Sounds fine. Hope my son’s life is as balanced as that when he’s 13. Normal to want time alone at that age I think.

My son is also 13 and goes to a selective grammar school in Year 8.

That sounds incredibly similar to our son!! He seems really normal for his age and he actually sounds a lot better than some other boys I know who don't spend any time with their family at all. At this age, it's very normal for them to be a bit up in their room because they do need their personal space but he seems active, balanced and happy so I wouldn't have worries.

It'd be better if devices were downstairs, then you can keep an eye on things.

I think it's fine. He went out early, played sport, socialised with friends over food, has done all necessary homework and is just chilling now. He replies to you when you ask him something and will be sociable again later for dinner. He's allowed to just chill for now in his private space I think.

Dd is 14 in year 9 also at a super selective grammar. She plays a lot of netball and also plays tennis.
I haven’t actually seen her yet. Her footsteps tell me she’s in but she hasn’t come downstairs while I’ve been here. She will have made food while I was out at Ds football that has probably been taken into her room.

She’s very grumpy at the moment so to be honest I’m staying out of her way!

Do you have space anywhere downstairs for the console? Makes a huge difference. DS12 very similar but he’s gaming with us in the family space

Very similar to my year 8 thirteen year old! He does hobbies 4 times a week and spends time with us going out for a walk, playing board games etc but generally if we aren't doing anything in particular he's in his room on X box, vr or reading comics. Tech all goes off at 8 and about half of the time he'll watch TV with us if there's something on he likes. I often think it's too much gaming but I know he does a fair bit less than most of his friends so I try to not moan too much! I think when I was that age I was in my room loads, and if I'd have had access to tech probably would have used it.

It's quite a lot of time in his room. Having said that, though, he's around people all the time during the week, and maybe he likes to have time completely on his own. He may well be an introvert.

Two things I'd say -
Don't let him eat or snack in his room.
If his dad (or other father figure) is in the home, it would be a very good idea for the two of them to have time together at the weekend where they cook a family meal, clean the bathroom/s together, etc. It's really important for teenage boys to see adult men pulling their weight in the home, and they would get to spend time together and chat while they're at it.

This sounds ok to me - a good mix of sport, seeing his friends, homework and gaming. I agree with pp that ideally the console would be downstairs.

Sounds completely normal, virtually all teenagers disappear to their rooms more as they get older.
my only other observation is that he must be completely exhausted with all that sport plus homework. As he gets older he probably won’t want to do the early Saturday too, which again would be normal.

He sounds like an absolute dream!!

My year 9, 14 year old DS does not spend nearly this much time on his own in his room,
but then we’ve never allowed gaming consoles or computers in bedrooms.

so as a result he doesn’t actually spend that much time playing games. He’ll play PS5 online with his friends some Saturday afternoons or we’ll play something as a family at the weekends for fun, but that’s pretty much it.

he reads a lot. He enjoys cooking. He is academically very strong, doesn’t love sport but likes to keep fit.

Thanks for all comments. Doesn’t sound too hideous then!
He is actually right now cooking a meal with his Dad @mathanxiety ! But good suggestion. We also only allow water and cups of tea upstairs (for everyone).
He did say the other day he feels a bit knackered with all the exercise - he is dropping climbing after Easter and school football stops (but school rowing starts and he is likely to be selected so probably not much better).
Console - there’s a PlayStation downstairs mainly used by little bro. DS2 is lovely but A Lot and I sometimes think DS1 just needs a bit of time away from him. He bought the Xbox himself with chore and bday/Xmas money. It’s set to 2 hours a day during week (doesn’t normally manage that) and 3 hours a day at weekends. Regardless of how much times he’s had it switches off at 8. I get a report emailed to me from the Xbox and I know he’s only on FIFA.

It sounds normal. My son would be thr same but I don't let him game in the afternoon now if I can I try to encourage going out with friends to town..cinema..park.

I know it's absolutely normal but I am pushing back. And yes my son plays football sat morning but I'm trying to also let him know that during the day I want him out.

Agre le with poster above. Push back against it. Maybe an hour gaming after football then he has to go do something else

Kids his age should be out and about.. that is what is healthy and how kids lived before they all had ps5s in their room

BTW I'm not preaching as good parent. I'm struggling and battling constantly and my son is a pain in the butt ! And totally addicted to screens as downtime where he can.

I just think that more and more I'm trying to push back against sedentary down time in their room ....especially now with warmer weather

I've even teamed up with local mums of boys in whatsapp and we try to kick them out together to the park etc

I think it’s absolutely fine. If anything you’re too strict! For me, I don’t limit any screens, except bedtime, as long as - they’re doing well at school, they are pleasant, they get exercise, good attitude. Then I don’t need to, they’re making the right decisions on their own, which to me is preferable over ‘forcing’ them.

We have a13 yo, sounds pretty normal to me.

DS 13 had a really busy week with sports / prep / clubs every night. We are out tomorrow so today is his “day off”. He surfaced about 11am and has been gaming ever since - we can hear him laughing with his friends, and he’s been down for food and drinks and a cuddle from my husband at one point. I don’t mind if it’s 1 day of the week, my concern is more the holidays when he tries to do this every day!

Off topic but what is a ‘super selective grammar’? I went to grammar and it was selective based on the results of your 11+ and nothing else.

My daughter is 14 and similar. She was dropped off at the ferry this morning at 0530 for a sporting event, and will be back here in around half an hour I expect. She'll go upstairs, have a bath or shower cause she'll ache, then low in her bed until dinner. She'll come downstairs, eat, have a conversation or two and then head back up again.

On a weekend day without an event (normally training instead) she'll get up and whatever stupid time of the morning dictated, eat and get driven to training. Train, get collected, come home. Hang out in her room, maybe come to the shops with me/us, back in her room, eat, room.

School days: gym (if not training later), home, eat dinner #1, upstairs to change and chill. Out to training (3 days out of 5). Back for dinner #2. U still pstairs to shower, change, chill, homework.

She's pretty active and busy, and very disciplined. She isn't all that interested in hanging out with us sometimes, but that's ok.

Some grammars are much harder to get in to than others. Passing the 11Plus is much harder in some areas than others. It all depends on the number of students going for the places. The higher the number of students, the harder the pass mark, the more academic the grammar.

Super selective means they select purely based on the results of the 11+ test, regardless of where the child lives. Most grammar schools do a combination of test result and being within a certain catchment area.

Oh I got this a bit wrong, I just looked it up. Normal grammar = pass then catchment
super selective = highest pass mark regardless of distance from school

I’d let him carry on. It’s the only time he gets to do something for himself and have fun.

But I caveat that with this:

So many boys don’t open up to their parents I’ve noticed and I think it’s often because parents don’t ask or don’t know how to ask the right questions without sounding interfering/probing/ make things uncomfortable because they aren’t comfortable and just want to sweep it all under a carpet.

He sounds happy but as they get older it’s good to talk through things like porn/sex, drugs, parties, consent, alcohol, friendships toxic masculinity, guess you’re seen all the stuff about Adolescence on here?

Looking at my DS’s experience of school, porn seems to hit them hard around year 8. We’ve had some good chats one to one but I can’t help feeling judging by what DS tells me about the stuff that goes around at school that most parents aren’t having any chats with their DSs at all.

If we don’t talk to them, they get their info online…

It just means it’s a grammar school in a non-grammar area. So in a grammar county lots of people will sit the exam and they take around the top 25% scorers to the grammar. Super selectives anyone can sit.