Detention - home consequence?

[Cornishbelle]

Hi just wanted to gauge people's opinion, do you give any further consequence at home when a detention given?

I would not give further sanctions but I would instigate a chat about it to ensure my DC understood the reason for the detention, the repercussions of what they did and what they could do next time to ensure it didn't happen again.

I Agree with this, The child has been punished enough but you don't want it happening again. If you give further sanctions the child might become rebellious.

My teen gets £5 pocket money a week. For that she has to keep her room tidy, do her homework and school work, making the appropriate effort, be polite to myself and DH and do as she’s told at home and school.

She has received a detention once for incorrect uniform which she knew about and therefore she did not get her £5 that week.

So yes she does get sanctions at home but she’s aware of what they are.

Depends for what. Homework not done - yes. Bullshit uniform infraction - wouldn't bother.

No. Some of the reasons are beyond ridiculous.

My teen has had detentions for walking into the building with her coat on in the middle of winter during lunchtime.

Depends what it’s for. Something like forgotten stationery - no. Fighting(not defending themselves) - yes

Why? Wouldn't you just make sure they do the homework - which is not a sanction it's just an expectation.

I agree with this. My son had a detention for forgetting a facemask when it was masks in school even though students who wore glasses were allowed not to wear one. He wears glasses and usually had a mask so was annoyed in his behalf.

Not for one or two but for repeated infractions I would

Because a teenager is old enough to know that homework is their responsibility. Not mine. Theirs.

No I wouldn’t. I’ve had a chat to see what was going on and that’s that.

I would ask my child for their version of events and believe them rather than the school

I took my son's phone off him and his games consoles for 48 hours when he got his first detention the other week (2nd year in high school). It was for talking when the teacher was talking. I also had a firm conversation with him about respect for teachers and that I was disappointed in him.

Next time, I'd remove devices for longer and depending on reason, would hit him where it hurts - stopping him going football training.

I'm a firm believer in backing up the school. Detentions aren't a punishment, my son even said he's not bothered about detentions but is about his punishment at home. If I didn't instill a consequence, he'd think it was ok to misbehave 🤷

I've never been a believer in punishing someone twice for the same school rule infringement. It causes resentment, not contrition.

Right, and if they don't do it and get a detention why are you punishing them again?

Depends what it is for. Ridiculous reason - no. Something serious and which might have consequences - then yes.

I care about academic performance in general. "Punishment" is the amount of pocket money they get. They're expected to do their work. If they don't do it, then there is less or no money. Life lesson - if you don't have a job, you'll have no money.

But i don't care about petty school rules. Home is a safe space.

Not so far, but I do give advice to DC about how to advocate for themselves to the head of year to get the detention cancelled.

There are some absolutely ridiculous reasons for after school detentions

If they ever deserved a detention I'd be having a serious chat with them at home about it and impose additional consequences as appropriate.

These are the sorts of petty rules I challenge. My DCs school advise what the detention is for. I refused the most recent one as it was an error on the part of the teacher.
(Supply teacher covering for usual class teacher who was off sick. They'd collected up homework at the end of the leson and managed to misplace my DCs, which they'd taken in that morning. Detention was for not doing/handing in homework)

I wouldn't usually, but it might depend a little on what the behaviour was that prompted the detention.

Normally though, I think that supporting the reason the detention was given and making clear that they do have to do it is sufficient. Especially if the reason is only bollocks tiny uniform infringements.

Why punish a second time? That's unnecessary and the child spends their whole week in punishment. Hardly positive, and counterproductive in the end.

No sanctions , I support the school , but their latest brain child of playing music in between lessons in the corridors then whoever is left on the corridors when the music stops is put in a 30 minute detention is a little squid games. My son had been in a lesson at one end of school yesterday and needed to get to the other and the teacher had kept the class back so he ended up with one. He will not be doing it. IF he been messing with his mates and had sufficient time to get to a class that would be different.

I'd have challenged the school on each of those non-reasons for detention!😠

I agree that it is fair to call some of the reasons ridiculous.

Have you watched Adolescence? I know it is a fiction, but it does remind you that kids don’t always tell their parents the truth, they may tell them a version of the truth from their point of view, but equally they might be making it up because they know what you want to hear and are being obliging.

Listen to your children's version of events , but keep an open mind!

It is tiresome hearing parents talking about ‘petty rules’.

School is a package deal and a teacher’s work place. Unless parents work in a school, they can’t really judge what is petty and what isn’t.

You wouldn’t turn up to a black tie dinner in jeans and a t shirt, as that was a ‘petty’ rule (probably). And you probably would complete work by the date your boss said it was due, regardless of whether you thought it was unnecessary or pointless.

Detentions are generally not a big punishment per se. Their value lies in pupils not wanting to get one. Where parents assume a detention is an opportunity to challenge the school, they become totally ineffective.

Generally I think detentions should trigger a discussion at home, not further punishment, unless the detentions aren’t having any effect or it is for something like bullying.

It’s tiresome opening the most petty and arsey detention notes that they come up with. It’s laughable at times.

How dare my child not fully remove their coat while entering the packed lunch hall while it’s -6° and snowing outside. They need to focus on what’s important and that isn’t the material of a child’s school trousers.