ive posted this in money management but feel it’s better placed here.
Im struggling with my teenager at the minute and today’s battle has been about money. He has adhd and is very impulsive so is always wanting something new or to spend money as he gets a dopamine hit from it. I am quite careful with money and budget and am trying to teach him to budget. I give him an allowance and he has his own account with pots. We do nice things and I have a good job (50k) but as a single parent income I do have to budget and can’t just extravagantly buy everything we want whenever we want it! We eat out once or twice a month but I will often take packed lunches or eat at home first etc. We tend to do one big holiday once a year but will have about 3/4 mini breaks either abroad in the uk. My son went to watch a football match at the weekend, we are going to Dubai in 2 weeks and we are booked to go to soccer aid (front block tickets so he can get autographs!). My son has just got some new trainers and crocs and holiday clothes. He doesn’t tend to get things apart from what he really needs outside of birthdays unless he saves. he definitely isn’t spoilt and I work really hard to try to teach him the value of money, budgeting and to manage his impulses.
we were discussing Dubai and he mentioned wanting a meal which costs £50 just for him for one course. I said no and that it’s too expensive for one meal for one person and our money has to last us the week. We have all sorts of excursions planned (motiongate, burj khalifa etc) so im not scrimping but i will need to watch the spends. It has then turned into an argument where he has said if we have to eat in the hotel every night (we are half board and I plan to eat there 3 times) he will get a flight home (he is 13 and obviously can’t) and then has just in a rage said to me that he is sick of always being on a budget and it’s making like with me really boring. My word do kids know how to hurt you.
I know I’m definitely not being unreasonable in trying to teach him a life lesson and I know he definitely isn’t spoilt either. I’m struggling to grasp why he is being so entitled, what could I do differently and how can I help him to understand money more?
I think the adhd and dopamine seeking is a huge part of it and that his dad will just spend without watching what he’s spending. His dad doesn’t have a lot of money, but will spend and either get into debt or then be completely skint. Over Christmas he took on an extra job as he had some time off and hadn’t put money aside to get him through Christmas, even though he did earn plenty (he’s changed jobs since then).
I feel so upset and hurt that my son has thrown this back in my face. It’s just one thing after another 😭