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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Phones for Yr 7 -talk me through this

73 replies

NooNooMummy · 21/03/2025 08:01

Can someone talk me through exactly how to make a smart phone dumb. Truly dumb. So that the child can’t go into settings and remove all limits and restrictions. And so that apps aren’t merely not on the home screen but are actually gone, never to be downloaded again. I want to it to have just the 3x Ts and 3x Ms - text, talk, taking pictures, mail, messages (a very locked-down WhatsApp) and music.

Thank you

(And feel free to give me your theories about why it’s still so difficult for parents to do this!!!)

OP posts:
HomeBodyClub · 21/03/2025 08:02

You can’t unless you buy then a very, very basic phone.

Just know that every other child will have a smart phone with apps and yours will be excluded. It’s how they build their social circle!

twistyizzy · 21/03/2025 08:07

My DD has my FILs passed down Samsung. She has WhatsApp and Spotify and that's all. No snapchat/tik tok etc. Parental controls so I get a notification of her usage and any time she tries to download anything. We also have a rule that I can check her phone at any time.
Of course she tries to persuade us to let her get Snapchat etc but we just say no and stay firm. It hasn't impacted her ability to make friends etc and it means she stays out of any drama etc.
Having said all that though, the only way you can be 100% sure is to buy a brick phone.
Also at her school they have to hand phones in at registration and they get them back at the end of the day which also helps.

AlphabetBird · 21/03/2025 08:07

Either Google family link or apple family allow you to control very precisely what apps are there, and in both cases the child can’t turn it off or remove it.

Original poster
NooNooMummy · 21/03/2025 09:29

….maps not messaging…

OP posts:
Original poster
NooNooMummy · 21/03/2025 09:33

Thanks everyone. None of it is perfect…
Have a Nokia brick for her but trying to figure out smartphone alternatives… (in my experience so far, all parental controls on old iPhone, have easily been overridden). Will try again…

OP posts:
Geneticsbunny · 21/03/2025 09:35

Google family link is good, but there are ways round the restrictions so always be aware kids can get past them. I would get a dumb phone if I was going to do it all again .

somethingerudite · 21/03/2025 23:11

It’s not possible to lock down a smartphone - why would the providers make it easy when it’s completely against their interests? My yr 7 daughter has a Nokia flip. Thankfully our school went smartphone free on a rolling basis from her year onwards, so some (not all, but enough) of her friends also have brick phones. They cover them in stickers and spend hours on the phone chatting every evening. She knows that 16 (6th form college) will be the first point at which a smartphone might be possible. No drama or friction, she can spend as long as she likes connecting with her friends and I can be happy knowing she’s safe from smartphones.

TartanMammy · 21/03/2025 23:20

I'm not sure it would work at my ds school, he needs his phone to pay for things, they are a cashless school and school dinners are paid via an app, his school bus pass is on his phone, his football season ticket is a QR code on his phone and so is his gym membership.

He says teachers will often put a qr code on the white board for them to access links to work. They do have school iPads too for this.

Not to mention he'd be isolated socially without a phone. I think we're in an era where smartphones are part of life now and locking down completely isn't realistic.

TheDandyKhakiDuck · 21/03/2025 23:20

How have parental controls on the iPhone been overridden? I use the screen time function where you can lock the phone down completely, allow certain apps all the time, and set time limits for apps. You have to type in a PIN number to change any of it.

And then for the App Store, turn on ‘ask to buy’ - then they can’t download apps without you approving a notification which is sent to your phone.

UniversalTruth · 21/03/2025 23:20

We use Google family link. It's difficult to set up but possible. We control the following ...

  • Time on and off
  • Total time usage per day except phone calls
  • Downloading of apps
  • Time on Google Chrome
  • No WhatsApp (I don't think you can have a "locked down version" enough for us so we chose no version)

We also have the rule that we can check it at any time to ensure messages are safe and internet history is appropriate.

WhisperingTree · 21/03/2025 23:34

Unless your school doesn’t send out homework via an app, you can’t get a year 7 a brick phone. DC school uses an app for homework. She also needs to read emails on outlook. They use blocket at school.

We use Apple Family Center to control it. What do you mean by getting around it? Are you sure you set it up correctly?

Rollercoaster1920 · 21/03/2025 23:55

We have a child on both iPhone and Android. The Google family link on Android is so much easier for us, the parent control app can be used from Apple.

Apple require parents to have an apple device to control the child's devices. Also we have issues with restrictions not working. It's buggy. But the bloody teens want an iPhone!

Kianai · 22/03/2025 00:10

Dd is in year 7 but doesn't need a phone yet. The school is far enough away that she can't walk so is still dropped off/picked up and she can do her homework on the family PC in the living room.

Dd is very popular and her friends come over often, she doesn't seem 'isolated' for not being glued to a phone after school.

To be honest even if think you have to get them a phone at age 11, I'd be really strict with it.

Her school has just had to send out a letter warning against improper phone use, there was a class WhatsApp that was having very dodgy pictures/sexual harassment linked to it.

And two of the sweet little boys she used to be friends with aren't welcome in the friendship groups anymore. Their parents just let them keep their phones at night. They were calling/texting people until the early hours for weeks, accessing hard-core pornography and started to say horrible things about/to the girls.

Diabladingo · 22/03/2025 00:18

Whatever you choose as parental controls make sure you look up how to work around them first- I've seen and read about so many work arounds - for example an app that looks like a calculator but actually opens Instagram or Tik Tok, changing profiles or timezones, other students sharing their screens. Follow officer Gomez on Facebook as he shares a lot of info.

I don't think you can truly lock down a smartphone, teenagers are clever and sneaky (I was a secondary school teacher so have seen a lot!) I would recommend looking at the smartphone free childhood campaign - you can search for your child's school to see if there are other parents who've signed up (the idea is that your child won't be the only one without one).

You can't lock down a smartphone because the people who design them (and specifically the apps on them) want you to be using them all the time because your (or your child's) attention and data means more money for them.

Diabladingo · 22/03/2025 00:34

AlphabetBird · 21/03/2025 08:07

Either Google family link or apple family allow you to control very precisely what apps are there, and in both cases the child can’t turn it off or remove it.

If you Google 'how to get around Family Link' there are lots of results with workarounds - I haven't tried any of them but would be interested to know if any of them actually work!

LadyGAgain · 22/03/2025 00:41

I was going to look at this www.pinwheel.com
looks like a smartphone but I don’t think it is. I’m not very tech savvy and I know I have to learn. DC is desperate for a phone but the dangers are now becoming well published and I think it’s ok to err on the side of caution now we know a bit more. 11 is very young to be navigating the images and the bullying. Plus I just watched Adolescence and heard Gareth Southgate talk with real eloquence about the impact this is having on young people whose brains are not yet wired to manage. This is not judgy. I know and understand why parents are giving their kids smartphones but I think DC is too young and I am going to try and stall a little longer.

Marcipix · 22/03/2025 00:48

As soon as they start secondary school here, they need the phone for their homework.

greencrab · 22/03/2025 01:14

Oh this makes me sad, I thought there was realisation that phones weren't great for children and a culture shift.

Mine are young adults now but the same things about being isolated were said when they were at getting a phone for secondary age. I was slightly uncomfortable but went along with it as everyone did with strict parental controls. Kids get around them, friends daughter ended up with a burner phone to avoid limit software (admittedly older than year 7).

I honestly thought it was just their cohort who were let down as social media was so new and as little children smartphones weren't a thing and the shift was towards phone free schools.

Needspaceforlego · 22/03/2025 01:17

Google Family link.
And make sure her DOB makes her 12 or under. As at 13 children have the legal right to switch off parental controls (wtaf)

Original poster
NooNooMummy · 22/03/2025 10:10

All really useful. Thanks everyone. (Clearly I need to carve out a few hours to sit down and set up all these things and test them out).😓

OP posts:
Original poster
NooNooMummy · 22/03/2025 10:13

Definitely going to look up whether her big school is smart-phone free. (I think it’s not, so I really need to get a smartphone ready and safe. Arghhh!)

OP posts:
Original poster
NooNooMummy · 22/03/2025 10:16

I wish the government would just ban them!

OP posts:
RamblingEclectic · 22/03/2025 10:56

There are a lot of options for this, they all depend on the make and model of the phone. In any of them, you need to go through all settings and have discussions with the child on expectations on how they'll use the phone and checking & consider how the adults around are modeling phone use.

My first step is to always remove/fully block access to a browser. Many of the workarounds and worst that they can do on a phone requires browser access. Also put in requiring permission to download anything new.

Getting an older refurbished phone means a lot of the new apps and workarounds simply don't work. You can on phone detail what system it can be downloaded up to, and on apps for the minimum they require - for example, new Androids are now on version 15, but a phone a few years old may only be version 8 or 9 (my own phone is like this).

For homework being sent on apps - it does depend a lot on the school. My kids have access to a computer at home in the living room, they can be set up to work using TVs as the monitor with a wireless keyboard, and it's how all my kids that age used a computer. Every app that has been used across the different schools my kids have gone to have a computer option and they've all had alternatives to using digital (or biometric) payments for lunch and such until my oldest was in college. I'd question whether a school that required it was really meeting their Public Sector Equality Duty, particularly if in an area that has adopted the Socio-Economic Duty.

Rollercoaster1920 · 22/03/2025 11:14

Old devices can be a pain if they are out of software update or on older operating systems due to apps not working.
Cheap android phones can be painfully slow or poor cameras. Teens aren't known for looking after devices well. So I'm a fan of second hand midrange phones for teens. Back market had been successful for some friends. Well timed parental upgrades is working for us right now after a mistake cheap android. Google pixels and Samsung are supporting software for 7 years now. I just wish the batteries were easier to replace.

Needspaceforlego · 22/03/2025 11:24

NooNooMummy · 22/03/2025 10:16

I wish the government would just ban them!

No government is going yo ban mobiles. They are used for too many things. Homework, ordering lunch, bus tickets, along with time table apps, and consider the specialist stuff like diabetes monitoring.

They might ban social media and up the age for parental controls. But the modern mobile is here to stay along with the telly 📺

It's really funny so many parents are cool with the idea of kids and tablets. But mention phones and MN explodes.

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