Som turned 16 and I can't stop crying.

[KayaMac]

This will probably sound completely pathetic, but today is my eldest son's 16th birthday, and like my title says, I can't stop crying. I've been emotional all day.
I've put together some social media reals of him growing up and it's made me realise how little he needs me now. And it's breaking my heart.
I mean, I realise that there's nothing different since yesterday, but today it's just hit me like a brick.
I'm so insanely emotional about this and I'm thinking maybe I'm too emotional. I don't remember my mother ever being like this or any other mums I know.
Has anyone else ever felt this way when their teen turns a certain age? Is it normal or do I just need to get a grip?
Just realised I wrote 'som' instead of 'son' in the title. What a numpty. I can't change it.

It really isn't normal to be unable to stop crying because your DC has turned 16.

It’s no less normal than crying on their first day of school, or any other milestone. It’s the end of an era and it’s completely normal to feel melancholy.

When my youngest turned 18 I had a cry that for the first time in 30 years I had no ‘children’. At the same time you feel really proud and excited for their new chapter. Unless you’ve got a heart of stone I imagined every parent would feel like that from time to time. All my friends cried buckets when their kids left for uni.

I completely get it! I dreaded my DS’s 18th and had to get DH to put together a photo book from throughout his childhood because I’m looking at old photos got too overwhelming. As it turned out we had a really lovely family day. I keep trying to tell myself that whilst it will be different being a parent to adults that doesn’t mean their aren’t happy memories still to be made or diminish the happy ones already in the memory bank. Be kind to yourself today and I hope your DS has a great day.

Maybe adopt a kitten...

I shed a tear when all of mine reached 18 but to be fair it was tears of joy. I do think it is normal to be a bit sad when they reach certain milestones, have a cry then wipe away the tears and help him enjoy his day.

I understand feeling a bit emotional but if you truly can't stop crying, I would say that's an overreaction. Is something else going on in your life that might be the real source of your emotions?

I understand. Mine is a little older but every now and then I find myself having a quiet few tears for the little boy he was. I only ever wanted one and it's not about wanting another child, it's just the closing of a chapter. I think part of it is knowing boys tend to grow up and away. God I'm so so proud of the man he is becoming but I'd give my right arm for one more day with my baby.

Aww, you’ve had some horrible responses!

I cried last night when I tried to put a newborn babygrow on my DS after his bath (it fit him last week!) and it was too short in the leg 🥺

I’ve only known my boy 11 weeks and you’ve known yours 16 years, but I bet he still feels to you like the tiny baby you brought home. Be kind to yourself, I think it’s normal to feel a bit sad because it’s so bittersweet.

It's normal to feel a bit emotional when our children reach certain milestones e.g. going to senior school, start driving lessons etc - as long as you don't wallow for more than a day or so.

Wait until he turns 40 then you can cry a bit more!

Don't bank on your 16 year old not needing you. My nearly 18 year old phoned me the other day to ask how you make the big frozen block of bacon into "those thin pages of bacon to go in the air fryer". They need you just in a different way.

I’m not a mum yet, but one of my friends son recently turned 16 and she opened up to me about how strange it felt, and she felt really funny about it and was worried she’s going to lose him as he turns into an adult etc etc. So you’re not alone!

Also I cried the other day making a reel of my cat for her fifth birthday so, you know 🤣

I'd think about why/how we parent. To what end? Why do we insist they keep their own room tidy, when we could easily do it ourselves? Why do we bake and cook with them, when we could do it quicker on our own? I'm sure you can add loads more examples of good parenting.

Surely we do it so that they can negotiate life as an adult easier than if we hadn't done those things?

It's always seemed to me that parenting a child is, in affect, showing them how to be independent. So when we succeed and they are well functioning (or at least well on their way to getting there) adults, why be sad?

Oh, and my 50+ Adult child still looks for my input when they are trying to unravel a knotty problem. Most times, my job is to shut my mouth and let them rant. Rarely though, I'll try to point out some aspect of their problem that they haven't considered.

You are never too old to not need your parent, if you've had a loving relationship. That's why there are numerous posts on this site where people are desperately sad when a beloved parent is at their end.

Aw bless. Do you also scream in the Sistine Chapel by any chance..

Maybe that counselling job isn't for you after all.

It's a bit daft of you, but I completely understand. I was looking at photo albums from years ago, and it hit me that I lived in a different world then and there was no going back to it.

But so lucky to get the kids to grown-upness too.

This. My Foster Son was telling me about his uni offers and I'm so proud of him but after I went to bed I felt a little tearful because he's been living with me since he was 5 and I'll miss him a lot. But I know he has to go, but he'll be back at half term and we could send him shopping to his halls. My older kids are all grown up and I don't see the older two that often because they live far away but my youngest lives locally and he often comes over on a Wednesday for my homemade lasagne and garlic bread. You've still got a couple more precious years with your DS. Make the most of them, they fly by.

It must be harder with only 1 DC.

I cannot for the life of me understand these shitty responses you have got.
Of course it's normal to be a bit emotional when one chapter comes to an end.
Enjoy his birthday and he will definitely still need you for a very looooong time yet!

I had a little moment when my DD turned 18, but it was a whole mix of emotions and I felt amazed proud that I'd grown and brought up a lovely adult daughter

Her going to uni definitely felt tougher but hard as it is, that's kind of what the last 18 years had led to - her being able to make her own way in the world. I still get lots and lots of whatsapps about how to cook.and defrost food though, 🤣🤣 and i still do her bedding laundry!

Nice!

Mine is 21 tomorrow and in her 3rd year of Uni. She is super independent but still messages to ask for advice. This week she's asked if it's still safe to eat the meatballs she left out overnight and also my opinion on her doing a whistle stop tour of croatia....

Are you my MiL? She’d have DH in a nappy and pram tomorrow 😂

Yep! My ds is nearly 21 and still brings home all his washing every weekend. Phones and texts me asking how to cook this or where to buy that. I’m the first person he will ring if there’s something up. So op don’t despair..they still need you!

You say it's your eldest son? That means you have other little ones in the house so all is not lost!