Advice very much appreciated. Mother of a teenage daughter.

[CarlaRose]

I love my daughter so much! But her attitude is driving me crazy. No matter what I do or say I am wrong. I don't know what I'm talking about. I feel like I can't do anything right. I'm just so tired of the attitude that she gives me.

I would recommend Lorraine Candy’s book, Mum What’s Wrong with You.

It's really normal and natural for her to be going through this stage. My advice is arm yourself with the wealth of advice through podcasts and written guidance. The relationship you have with your adult daughter will be a performance review of how you handle this time . It's up to us as parents to guide and learn how to get them through it. There's a great book called untangled but lots of other brilliant information. My daughter is now in her 20s and we have an amazing bond but I remember these rocky years well -

Thanks so much!

Thanks so much!

Maybe stay apart in the house for a while

Keep your distance emotionally and physically but always greet her with a smile when you see her but just don't engage her in conversation

Let her come to you

Let her cook her own meals and just don’t give any advice or ask any questions and see how that goes for a while

Or with regards to meals cook something she can help herself to and reheat when it suits her

Obviously give advice when she asks etc but be careful to keep things to the bare minimum so she doesn't read anything the wrong way

Also don't forget hormones play a huge part once they get their period's especially around year 9

Just wanted to say me and two other friends with similar age dd are in the same boat .
It's natural teen behaviour. We are all just waiting it out 😆
Thinking back I was really well behaved in school but no matter what my parents did or said I was irritated by them. And they are lovely people. Maybe mine is karma

I have no great advice as we are in the thick of it too (13 year old) - I cried in the car before going into work a few weeks ago as it felt like she actively hated me.

I'm trying to tread the fine line between giving her enough space and making sure she knows I care and that she can talk to me about things. We've done a few trips out shopping for things for her room and junk food which have been really nice, and she will tell me about what's going on with school, friends etc but only on her own terms.

It's so so hard though, especially as my phone keeps sending me memories of when she was younger and all the fun things we used to do together. I think the grieving process for those times also makes things a lot trickier.

welcome to my world - read up on the Teenage Brain. and long breath, long breath and more of that. Hormones are horrormones

They usually start to come out it around 19/20 in my experience-3 girls here. Teenagers are bloody hard work. They are like giant toddlers and can be a soo awful.

the teenage years are really hard, so sympathies.

My advice (i have 2, 18 months apart, it went on for ages and ages and they seemed to be trying to outdo each other) is not to sweat the small stuff. Can you give an example or two?

I don't think there is a "right way" but in general when things appeared to be spiralling i used to sort of withdraw a little bit and recharge my batteries. And then I'd come back and remind everyone in the house (me included) that we live together, we love each other, we all get on each others nerves, we all have outside pressures and not to forget that everyone deserves respect and kindness.

Recharging, for me, was running or boxing.

ETA: my two are both lovely young women and we all spend time together as a family regularly. Often at their prompting. In most families it is usually just a passing phase.

Thanks!

Girls are so hard!!! Lol

I was the same way. I thought my parents were so dumb and didn't know anything. But I don't remember having the attitude with them that my daughter has with me. I know I need to be more strict when I feel she is being disrespectful. But it's so hard. I'm a push over.

Hugs for you

It is really hard. I cry a lot because of her attitude. And I second guess myself as a parent constantly.

That is 5 years away!!! Will I survive 5 more years?

I'll be sure to add that to my list of books! Thanks so much!

You will- we all do. I find that gin helps. Once my eldest daughter broke up my sitting room chairs and arranged them in the garden and spelt out ‘ fuck you’. I was not in the house at the time so she took a photo and sent it to me. She then used my expensive lipstick to write insults all over the mirrors .

I would read this sometimes on the very dark days and nights
gretchenschmelzer.com/parents-corner/2015/6/23/the-letter-your-teenager-cant-write-you?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR1kbDkR-geJmAqBZ_ruFYgBQfy2C8b4OYaWC3VMXA5rMa7wYDoeIKPHgFg_aem_4mQUIw4vvclLsBlRNVIZBQ&format=amp

I have a 17yo who is lovely and 13 yo twins (all girls). I think one tip I love is to give advice through asking questions. They need to think things are their own idea 😂

It is really really hard.
I have four teenagers, eldest is 20 now but still have 18, 17 and 15 year old. I feel like I have been dealing with this for years and have at least another 3 to go! I am exhausted regularly and cry too.

I would say the best advice you have had already is taking regular breaks from them all and exercising. Not sweating the small stuff.
I find alcohol to be problematic for me as it makes me less patient and more inclined to respond/react to provocations....but that's just me probably!!

Thanks!

Wow! So sorry. We haven't gotten to that point.

Great idea!!!