What is a reasonable amount to take as "board"?

[evenhope]

My DS3 says he is leaving school after GCSEs so we've told him he'll have to work. Also DS1 will be coming home from uni and if he works FT at his Sat job he will take home about £200 a week (which he will spend rather than save).

We haven't taken money off any of the DCs up to now because I thought they needed every penny for uni, but (a) they spend like it's going out of fashion and (b) DS1 won't be going back.

I used to pay my mum quite a lot but a friend's 19 yo only gives her £10 a week out of £200

Is 1/3 save/ 1/3 spend/ 1/3 board reasonable? That would give DS1 about £60-70 a week to spend. (we provide all lifts and all food)

i'd rather get them to help out the chores in the house and get them use to the wide world that way So no i won't be wiping there arses for them when there 30 odd

fairydust,

You do your children no favours if you let them live at home rent-free after they have started working.

It's like leaving the stabilisers on their bike until they start driving a car. Unless they are remarkably sensible and I'm thinking of maybe 1% of teenagers/20 somethings, they will not be sensible about the disposal of the contents of their pay packets.

IMHO even a millionaire should charge their child some sort of board & lodging if the live at home whilst working. It helps them learn how to budget and gives them a more realistic view of life.

Really, you're barking and setting your self up for trouble if you don't charge them an amount mutually agreed as reasonable taking into account their earnings and your costs.

I think a third is too much £35-40 is enough

Ds1 I prise it from his sweaty palm gives me about 15% of his wages.

ChocolateRockingHorse - If you have to look for a job employers really like Open University students because it shows commitment/maturity so good luck if you have to go along that route.

As to paying for board - our DS and DD are currently at university, one living away, one living at home. After university if they live at home then we would probably go the one third contribution route.

Well good luck with that Fairydust.. the "getting the teenagers to do the chores" thing. My teenager helps out, but not particularly gladly or to any agenda! I think you're viewing it all through rose tinted specs to be honest because they're little at the moment.

And chores won't help them learn the value of money in the outside world will they? As confidiential said, it's a bit of a disservice to send them out into the world with no knowledge at all at ever having to pay anything out. let alone all the other bills that will suddenly come with their new independence.

I suppose if you are literally loaded then they will always be able to come back for handouts.. or maybe your've got a trust fund for them and they'll inherit their millions when they're 21. I hope for their sake one of those scenarios apply!

Ok, how about you ask it another way, you would have to have a really conscientious teenager whom you had really impressed this upon to not spend then £140 on crap like dvd's,cd's. They are still young and needing guidance on what to spend their money on like driving lessons, saving for a car, insurance.

One of the ways to guide is to take a realistic board. Another is to legislate to a certain extent what they spend their money on so they can buy things like driving and being independant.

Also I know I don't have £140 to spend on crap a week as I have responsibilities, they need to be taught that too.

In this house someone who had £140 a week to spend on whatever they like would be very much the richest person.

That should not be the 16 year old when you're paying £1200 mortgage payments.

When we had this discussion our eldest ds is in year 10 and will hopefully leave school to study for a levels then go to uni of course all these plans are subject to change-ds1 says he will get a weekend job so he can help pay for his study equipment and have money thats 'his'....i asked him how much he might earn over a weekend - hopfully about £80 he thinks(he is thinking of nights stacking shelves) that would give you a good bit of money i said with your EMA youd have more than £100 oh no says son i shall give you at least £40 if i earn £100-- bless him ,bet he changes his mind tho.

I do think that once you start earning money you should contribute and you can only remain a 'child' for so long in return for the 'freedom' a working life gives you you must become responsible for living.

Thanks flaming toaster. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and look into it properly I think.

On a positive note.. posting about the finances had got me all anxious and stressed and I was sitting here stressing about it all, almost in tears, including the immediate issue of a large phone bill and Ebay fees that need paying (due to selling a load of DH's geeky memorabilia last month!).. when...!

I checked the bank and DLA had paid us back a load of money they owed us! Wasn't expecting it for ages.. thought there'd be a huge paper trail first.. they'd been charging us for TWO motobility cars instead of one which I only realised last week.. (sorry if I've just dispelled that myth that some believe in about "disabled people getting FREE CARS.. nope.. we have to pay.. similar to hire car costs actually!)

So now I can pay the phone bill AND I think we can afford to go out tomorrow for my sister's birthday meal.. something I'd regrettfully declined!

My Mum took a 1/4 of what I earnt when I left school (left at 17) although she was a bit more relaxed while I was learning to drive as I was only paid £60pw at the time and the lessons were £20
I did however seem to be the only one of 3 of us living at home that was paying rent though.
My brother recently moved back home and hasn't paid my Mum a penny which I think is out of order as he is nearly 30

SM that's awful! Did he straighten himself out in the end?

And fairydust's children will never move out ......

I think it is perfectly reasonable to charge rent when your dc start earning full time. As long as it is at an affordable rate. I always had a Saturday/evening job and when I got that my pocket money stopped (age 13). I obviously was allowed to keep all the money but that had to pay for all my toiletries, presents for people and anything else I wanted to do....oh and clothes apart from school uniform and school shoes. This continued to be the case while I was at Uni as dparents couldn't afford to contribute regularly for me while I was there so they assisted me by not charging board and lodging during holidays and being a taxi service and sending the odd food parcel and cheque to pay the gas.
When I graduated I went home and again paid nothing while I was looking for a job. When I got my first job I started paying rent.
I think I was very lucky!

I notice Fairydust from your profile that your children are still very young and you probably still have the rose coloured glasses on as to what your dcs will be like as teenagers. Maybe they will be model teenagers who spend and save their money responsibly and willingly help around the house but don't count on it. How will you feel if, like a work collegue of my dh who didn't take any board money off her dd, you come home to find your house a tip, that your dc has spent all his/her wages clubbing at the weekend and is asking for a loan to get the bus to work? This started when her dd left school and is still continuing now she is well into her 20s. She has absolutely no intention of moving out but then I can't see why she would!!!!!
Oh and the dd of a good friend of my mil is still having her mortgage and utility bills paid by her father and she is 42 and married!!!!!Her father is nearly 70 but can't retire because he still (misguidedly imo) feels duty bound to support his offspring.

To quote fairydust 'I think it wrong that a child should pay borad for living in his own home with parents that choose to give birth to him'

I was quite upset when my parents first told me I had to pay rent for the above reason. In fact, I had to start paying when mum stopped getting family allowance for me, when I was working part time and at college. It was only £50 a month but I felt so hard done by at the time!

Fairydust, another point to make is that the "child" won't want to be referred to as a child and with that perk comes the responsibility of acting like an adult and sharing communal living costs by a board and lodge payment.

I used to pay 25.00 a week from been 16 .But my Mum was horrible about it but thats a whole other thread .

I would say 50.00 a week and put 25.00 a week away in a savings account for him?

think grown up children should contribute if they can afford to (i.e. if working) but just handing over cash each week seems a bit distancing and gives child no extra control or influence in the house. Being grown up should give you extra priviledges as well as responsibilites.

Witchandchips I would be quite happy to hand over the control of the weekly shop to my sons. Sadly I think we may then have to live on lager and pizza!!!!!

I think £50 a week would be reasonable - save it for him on the quiet if you can afford to and it will mount up nicely towards a house/car/whatever!

fairydust my DH has just said that when ours were 6 and 4 he'd have agreed with you.

BUT when they are 16/ 18/ 20 and eat a week's shopping on a Saturday afternoon; have no end of electrical stuff plugged in at all times; and think nothing of blowing £170 on a computer games system because it's their money (DS2 spends over £100 every week on rubbish), while you are trying to put off the water board because you have a phone bill to pay and can't pay both and put petrol in the car to get to work, I can guarantee you will change your mind.

Oh and my aunt lived "at home" almost rent free until she was 35

fairydust. If they are working and earning a reasonable amount then they should be helping with chores and paying some rent.