What is a reasonable amount to take as "board"?

[evenhope]

My DS3 says he is leaving school after GCSEs so we've told him he'll have to work. Also DS1 will be coming home from uni and if he works FT at his Sat job he will take home about £200 a week (which he will spend rather than save).

We haven't taken money off any of the DCs up to now because I thought they needed every penny for uni, but (a) they spend like it's going out of fashion and (b) DS1 won't be going back.

I used to pay my mum quite a lot but a friend's 19 yo only gives her £10 a week out of £200

Is 1/3 save/ 1/3 spend/ 1/3 board reasonable? That would give DS1 about £60-70 a week to spend. (we provide all lifts and all food)

When i left school it was on a youth training scheme (a long time ago) i earnt about £40 per week of which i gave mum £20.

When i left home many years later i gave her £60 per week and paid some off her credit card each month about £120.

But anyway i think between £50 and £60 is enough, even if you save the money and give it him back at a later date as it give children an idea of how much thing cost in the real world. If he complains then do a breakdowm of all the household cost and devide (sp) between everyone in the house and you can bet it will be more then what you have ask him to pay .

I think maybe yes as you are right that is what DLA is for- 16 seems very young to be responsible for that money though- I was that CTF statements are sent to DC once they are 16!

DS is having a 'gap year' to earn ££ for uni (he is supposed to be saving!) I showed him our total bills for energy, food, and phone/internet, he contributes a sixth (we are 6 in the family)- we all aggreed this was fair, I did point out that there are in fact other costs! but not ones that he increases by being here IYSWIM (mortagage, water etc)
ahh! I see lizziemun suggested this (thick emoticon)
well- we did it, it works!

My Mum charged me rent once I was working full time. and she used my 20% discount card from Tesco for the weekly shop.
This worked for about 6 months when on new years day she made it clear it was time for me to move out.

20% staff discount for Tesco? My mum has been there 26 years and only gets 10%, as do I, lol.

Bex it was 18 years ago, it could have been 10% I don't have a great memory!

LOL, thought we were being out done for a moment there!

Chocolate, DS2 gets DLA, which has been part of our household budget for such a long time that we are going to struggle when he goes to uni this autumn and takes it with him. It also means our CTC will go right down. So if I'm also losing my ChB for DS3 we need to get some more money from somewhere

as your two dcs will be earning different amounts you could get them to give you a percentage. when i briefly went home after uni i did that, although i had to pay for my phone calls (which my mum spent ages pouring over the itemised bill to calculate). Also i never really ate with my parents then so would often buy my own food.

not sure about 1/3 though. that sounds like quite a lot to me.

Evenhope when we stopped getting ctc for ds1 who has sn our monthly payment went down by £300. We have 3 dcs...ds1 is still at home but because he is over 19 we don't get ctc for him anymore. ds2 is at 6th form and dd is stll in school

Evenhope and ShouldBeWorking.. it's dire isn't it I don't actually have a clue how we're going to mangage. I have been waiting for the JobCentrePlus to get back to me with some figures and so I can make an appointment to go and see them to discuss all this but I think they are scared our "claims" will crash their system again as it did once before! We are complicated; we have three lots of DLA coming in (varying types/amounts, carer's allowance, disabled child premiums, on of which we are also, obviously, about to lose..)

The idea I have in my head (another reason I need to see the figures rather than my vague and worrying calculations) is to see whether me working would be viable. For the last few years I have been doing an OU degree with the idea that when I finally graduate, maybe our family circumstances won't be as chaotic (we have 3 lots of DLA coming in and a VERY high maintenance disabled DS2, plus one lot of DLA is for DH who is disabled with arthritis and in chronic to severe pain daily and hasn't been able to work for years) and that I could support the family earning a decent wage.

But of course, I stupidly didn't plan on how much our income would drop when DS turned 16, 3 years before I graduate! I would actually dearly love to work, but current circs have made it imposs for me to do more than a part time job (too much would be put on DH otherwise, with childcare etc) and part time/no degree = no better off.. even worse off in some scenarios! That's why I decided to study in the first place ie.. better plan for the future.

The probable financial circs as of July when DS1 turns 16 have made me think maybe our money is going to drop so much that I working would be an option.. and maybe someone would employ me on a half decent wage on the strength of the degree I am working for.. (pipe dream I guess?!) but absolutely no idea how I would carry on studying (thereby ensuring that I graduate!) whilst also working and trying to juggle our crazy home life/my heavy caring responsibilities/all the weekly medical appointments.

I am actually very worried about it and it's making my drag me feet re getting to see the JobCentrePlus.

Sorry for going on!!

Good grief. Board and lodgings has gone up since I was at home. 12 years ago I was paying £100 per month.

Actually if I'm honest, I am currently in "helpless mode", completely the opposite of my normal proactive take-the-bull-by-the-horns self and thinking helplessly, "..I'll let it happen.. and then we'll have to see how we manage..." but God knows how we will.

We've never had credit cards or store cards but we do have a small overdraft that we virtually live in (small is relative being as income is pretty low) and large mail order catalogue accounts which we have relied on over the years because where else can people in our position get credit when something in the house breaks down and needs replacing?

So half the money's always gone before we get it (overdraft) and the catalogues take a large percentage of the rest.

And our income's going to drop by either (approx) £350 if DS manages to get an apprenticeship (his first choice) or by (approx) over £250 if he goes to college.

Pretty hopeless eh?!

I think it wrong that a child should pay borad for living in his own home with parents that choose to give birth to him - yes i know there are bills to be paided and theyt need to learn the value of money which they will learn once they get there own place later in life - then again this is just my opion but we defanitly won't be charging for our kids to stay at home when the time comes

Fairydust I think you should appreciate that we aren't all in a position to do that.

i look at it this way you choose to give birth to the child rather than giving birth for money

Giving birth for money Fairydust? I'm sorry but your argument is not based on reality. Just as an example, read my posts below. We have disability going on in our family big time.. you can't predict that, but it's real life stuff and it happens.

That aside, a great many parents believe that when we have children, one of our parnetal duties, as they grow into responsible earning adults, is to ensure that they realise how important it is contribute to bills. To not expect any contribution is to run the risk of them not learning how to budget when they leave home. Unless you want o always be responsible for their rent/mortgage??

If as has been said already, you are lucky enough not to need that contribution, some may put it away for something for their young adult, for the future, eg deposit on first home.

However, a great MANY of us will rely on a contribution from our working young adults, in order to continue making ends meet, because we will lose money elsewhere in our income. Children brought up with a sensible, air attitude, will not see the problem in that even if they sometimes balk (teenage style!) at the contribution.

So it would be nice if you didn't imply that we are using our children to make a quick buck!

dont give me the disabilty talk i have a disabled dd so iknow that very well thanks

As i said before we're all allowed our own opions and my opion is its wrong to take board of a child who chooses to live in there own home once they leave school

I agree CRH.

When ds left college our income went down by the amount of his Child Benefit and Child Tax Credit - he started to work, our costs are the same as before so why shoudln't he contribute? I can't work anymore hours because of dd and the CA limits.

And 18 they are no longer a 'child'. They're an adult and should share the responsibilities of running the household. My neighbour still had her son living there at 30! Should he not pay board fairydust lol? No wonder he stayed so long.

You may have a disabled child but you certainly don't have a very "grounded in reality" view of what it's like to have to budget, so I will give you "that disabilty talk" all the same thanks.

And "that disabilty talk" was just an example. Many of us will have NO disabilty, but still be on a low income, both parents working to make ends meet and NEED to have their working older child make a contribution. It's called REAL LIFE.

So yes, you state your "opinion" but don't expect not to get comments when you suggest that the rest of us are "free loading" off our children!

cause i have a grounded view what its like to have budget and when the time comes for dd and ds to leave school and should they decide to go to work i still won't be taking money of them dh said he'd rather put the extra in at work than do that - we're all allowed our own opions so i think u need to stop takin things so personnel in life

Personal.

Personnel are people who work for a company.

Now have the hump about that.

Your remarks are personal.. you said you that don't think people should give birth just to make money out of them; people don't DO that.. that's not rational.. children in themselves cost their parents FAR MORE than we could ever get back via a minimal board contribution, don't you see that?

Perhaps you should ask your kids when they're older; by which time your DH will also be older. Perhaps they'd prefer to make a small contribution to the family income rather than see their dad put in more hours at work during which you'll all see him less and he'll be more exhausted!

my spelling is shit as alwaysbut ha im not one for spell checking other people work

i take it on this we're going to have ot agree to disagree then you
have your opion we have ours and both have the right to express that

Of course we should charge teenagers if they are working, it's called not holding onto them and trying to keep them as children but preparing them for adulthood

I think it's interesting how some mums continue to wash/iron/wipe arses of 16,17,18,34 year old lads

IMo you're doing children a disservice by not preparing them for financial responsibilities so even if you can afford it you could still take the money and invest it. A child of 16 is not miraculously going to wake up and suddenly be responsible without being taught.