Swapping bedrooms when elder DC goes to uni

[ColouringPencils]

We have a smallish 3 bed terraced house. Two double rooms and one very small. My elder DC has the bigger room which is actually slightly larger than mine and DH's. I think it is fair that when she goes to uni her younger brother should be allowed the room. I know she will really struggle with this though, as she finds change very difficult and will already be facing massive change in her life, leaving home for the first time. Her bedroom is like her safe space and she spends a lot of time rearranging knick knacks and she keeps lots of things from childhood which would struggle to fit it all in her brother's much smaller room. So, it isn’t just swapping rooms but getting rid of stuff, at a time when she may feel she needs to cling on to memories.

But, I still think it is the right thing to do. He has had a very small room for 15 years and hers would be largely sitting empty. His room is not very nice, it always feels dark because he has a cabin bed which blocks the light from the window. He could also use the bigger desk for his revision (he will be going into y11). He has been patient about it. I have spoken to her about it, and she feels she has compromised by saying he can use her room when she isn't there!

Do you think it would be best to make this an early summer project after her A levels? Then she could have a chance to redecorate and get used to the new room for a few months before she moves away? I could also swap the cabin bed for a single bed, as she wouldn't need the desk space beneath it (do uni students study much at home? I dont think I did). I think this would make the room feel a lot brighter, but it would lose some much needed storage space.

Her brother hasn't accrued so much stuff, probably having a smaller room, but also being a different person, so it is possible she could keep one wardrobe of stuff in her old room. Is that a good idea? Is there any way I can make it nicer for her? I know I probably sound pathetic, but I feel this will be hard for her (possible neurodivergence). I don't want her to feel unhappy or like she is coming home to a different place.

My sister moved into my room while my parents were dropping off day 1 of uni. I think she redecorated that day as well🤣

Which bedrooms are next to each other? Can you move a wall? Often they are only stud walls, if you are thinking of redecorating anyway? Maybe make bedrooms more of an equal size?
Diagram?

Surely if that was a feasible option it would’ve made more sense to do it when both kids were at home full time.

What about if you move into her room as you say it is the biggest, then it will seem more fair. Then he moves into your slightly smalller room. Redecorate all 3 (cheaply) then no one will feel pushed out. Just an idea

My sister was moving into my room faster than I could pack for university. I was undiagnosed asd at the time, but I still understood that it was fair she get the big room.

my only real problem was that I didn’t really get her old room either. My mother moved out of the master bedroom and into my sisters old room. She would go back and sleep in the master when I came home, but all her things were in the room so there was no space for mine and she had no qualms about just walking in at any time day or night because she viewed it as her space.

so as long as your daughter still has a space that is hers, it should be fine.

We have done it differently to most on here.
Dd2 is the youngest of 4 and has the box room. 2 of her sublings have gone to uni and have much bigger bedrooms, one has an ensuite too. She hasn't swapped but
She is allowed to use her sister's bedroom whenever she wants including the ensuite.

She often sleeps there and uses it for sleepovers. She uses her beother's room for studying as it has a huge desk and it's super tidy/office like. This has worked really well for her as she misses her siblings and feels like using their rooms gives her a sense of closeness to them. They are happy because they get their rooms when they are home.

I would try something similar for a while to see if it works and then you could always swap after the first year?

So a whole palaver of everyone swapping rooms to appease the dc that's moved away to uni?
Sorry son, your sister will be too upset if tu get a good room, we need to keep her happy so heres a slightly better option for you...

God why all the pandering. You're forcing your son to miss out just to appease your daughter, it's incredibly unfair.

My parents did this & I wasn't consulted at all, my delighted brother was in my room stripping wallpaper before I'd got my suitcase in the car! I know he had to have the smallest room for years, but I'd shared the bigger one with two older sisters & only had it to myself for a few months before I left! I was a bit peeved but I didn't mind coming back the box room in the end, as it was further away from the bathroom & I didn't have to hear all the noises through the wall 😆