Health anxiety in DD16

[Ksjs3]

Hi all.

As the title says, I think my DD16 has health anxiety.

She is AUDHD, so this could factor in in so many ways.

Over the past 3 years, she has "had"; bipolar, anemia, arthritis, hearing issues, fainting and dizziness, POTS, and various lower level ailments. When I explain to her that some of the symptoms she experiences are linked to anxiety and her ND, she gets angry and accuses me of not believing or supporting her.

She has been to camhs twice and refused support both times, but they confirmed they do not believe she is bipolar based on her explanations of her symptoms (she was really pissed off about that).

She went to the drs a while ago and explained various symptoms to them and they took bloods to check for anything untoward and told her if nothing shows its likely a MH issue causing her symptoms. Results came back clear and she was unhappy about that.

She's now told me because she skin picks and bites her nails she's thinking it may be ocd... I'm not convinced. She also had told me she can't hear out of one ear and rhe other is not great, but it comes and goes and isn't all the time. She's made an appt foe the ocd thing off her own back but when I suggested she'll have to do the same for her hearing she scowled and was like "yeah maybe".

She's in private therapy as I couldn't do nothing at all cos there's clearly something going on but I'm dammed if I do or don't cos I acknowledge what she's said and say if she's concerned see the Dr because I can't enable it but I can't reason with her either.

Not sure what I wanted out of this post, hopefully someone with some experience similar.

Thank you

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She has a really close knit group of friends and goes to army cadets and has done for 3 years. She is at college but barely. She has less than 50% attendance, partly because she "does better at independent study" and partly because she doesn't think attendance is important. She's offered support left, right and centre but won't even entertain it (except for the therapist she has now, I suspect because she knows it's paid for)

She got 5s, 6s, 7s and an 8 so really well.
She lays about listening to music, or scrolling or watching things or out with her friends. She blames everything on MH issues and while j don't disagree she has some problems, j personally think a lot of her behaviour is down to can't be arsed or I don't want to because it's boring. She's been threatened with being booted out of college, but won't look for other courses and won't get a job because "it's illegal til she's 18, she HAS to be in college or training" (I have checked this, and while it is the law, its not policed and so she definitely could work instead).

I would truthfully limit her screen time or at the very least closely monitor her social media use. At the same age, my daughter was variously ADHD, had DID, had POTS, had OCD, then EDS then latterly BPD.
All of this was almost entirely Tik Tok driven.
This was on the back of lockdowns and endless hours spent scrolling and believing every single video she watched.
And when I say she believed she had these conditions, I mean she was absolutely determined that she did, yet when offered any medical or therapeutic input to either assess or work through her concerns, refused to engage. She too was mortally wounded when CAMHS told her she didn't exhibit signs of any serious mental illness, as though she actively wanted one in some way.
We're through the worst of it now thankfully but you have my empathy OP. It was a tough slog.

And I reference the social media because it became very apparent that all the young people my daughter engaged with were also claiming various disorders, had them proudly displayed in their social media bios. The "symptoms" these young people exhibited that they claimed were proof of their disorders were usually very tenuously related to the symptoms at best. Almost all self diagnosed. It's a really worrying trend among young people, especially those who already have vulnerabilities.

No, my mum also lives with us and she is disabled so she's always at home.

We have tried various ways of discipline including taking phones but the amount of shit that gets kicked up makes life hell for everyone else. My husband has pretty much just checked out and just says "she'll learn" but she's not learning anything right now.

We don't give her money except for the bus to college (when she bothers to go). She knows if she wants stuff she has to work for it.

I think she is very susceptible. For 2 years Up until about a year ago she was convinced she was trans, went by he/him, used a boys name. At that time her whole friend group were also trans. Most, including her, have now changed back. Her dad and brother have (diagnosed) hearing issues so I wonder how much of that is from them.

I genuinely believe if I did that she would leave this house and not come back x

Both. She's offered the chance to earn money doing stuff around the house and knows she can get part time work but can't be arsed to do either

She's been complaining of having hearing issues, but I think it's a ploy for attention or anxiety

She would stay with a friend I imagine

Oh yes. We had this too. Was apparently non binary for a while (I suspect the fact she was also VERY into boys stopped her going full trans as the boys she was interested in wouldn’t have entertained a girl who was pretending she was a boy).
It was farcical at the time. Literally made the decision (along with a group of her friends around the same time), that she was neither male nor female and wanted to go by a new name and “they pronouns”. The next day, came home crying from school as a teacher, blissfully unaware of this sudden gender change, had “mis gendered” her. I suspect a less informed parent would have taken the distress at face value and possibly gone along with it. But I knew as sure as I knew I was breathing it was yet another affectation in a long line of social media driven “identities”. We are really doing our children a disservice having allowed them smartphones. I absolutely will not make the same mistake with my younger children. And I’m a lot wiser this time around.

Given what I know now and having the chance to go back I would do the exact same.
It so hard cos I feel like I've failed somewhere along the line. My younger two (DS 15 & 11) are completely different kids.

From my experience, autistic teens are trying to find out how they fit within their peer group. They learn by copying others- that's why many use social media to imitate what's there and gain social acceptance amongst their peers. It gives them a project on which they can become hyper fixated, feel important and connect with others over.

I had all this with my autistic child - now a young adult and no longer fixated on gender, pronouns or self diagnosis of mental health illnesses. Uni life and studying keeps them busy and no time to get bored!

It's reassuring to hear that they can come out the other side of this...this is what I'm hoping will come eventually but I'm soooo exhausted by it all. I'm also audhd, so have my own battles. I think the difference is my dad ruled with fear and his hands and we don't. X

Yep. She's been put into measures because of her attendance but it's done nothing to really improve it