Health anxiety in DD16

[Ksjs3]

Hi all.

As the title says, I think my DD16 has health anxiety.

She is AUDHD, so this could factor in in so many ways.

Over the past 3 years, she has "had"; bipolar, anemia, arthritis, hearing issues, fainting and dizziness, POTS, and various lower level ailments. When I explain to her that some of the symptoms she experiences are linked to anxiety and her ND, she gets angry and accuses me of not believing or supporting her.

She has been to camhs twice and refused support both times, but they confirmed they do not believe she is bipolar based on her explanations of her symptoms (she was really pissed off about that).

She went to the drs a while ago and explained various symptoms to them and they took bloods to check for anything untoward and told her if nothing shows its likely a MH issue causing her symptoms. Results came back clear and she was unhappy about that.

She's now told me because she skin picks and bites her nails she's thinking it may be ocd... I'm not convinced. She also had told me she can't hear out of one ear and rhe other is not great, but it comes and goes and isn't all the time. She's made an appt foe the ocd thing off her own back but when I suggested she'll have to do the same for her hearing she scowled and was like "yeah maybe".

She's in private therapy as I couldn't do nothing at all cos there's clearly something going on but I'm dammed if I do or don't cos I acknowledge what she's said and say if she's concerned see the Dr because I can't enable it but I can't reason with her either.

Not sure what I wanted out of this post, hopefully someone with some experience similar.

Thank you

She could get a part time job..

Id stop paying for her phone if she’s not attending her college full time. She is taking the mick.

Like I've said previously, I also have audhd and working full time, taking care of my two boys aswell, my disabled and chronically unwell mum and running a house, I do not have the capacity to fight with her. Trying to do so over the years has crippled my MH and I'm scraping by now because I don't push or fight. It negatively affects my youngest son when she goes off on one and its not fair to put him through that. She's never going to go to uni, but it's my hope therapy will help address any issues she has and she will want money enough she will work. Hardlining with taking away phones and privileges will do nothing because it never has worked. She doesn't respond to punishments and sanctions the way most kids do.

She had one but went too hard on the "I can do everything" and burnt herself out so had to give it up. Now she's half arsedly applying for bits and bobs but she's so blasè about it.

I'm not sure Stationarytheme has much real life experience of ASD/ADHD.

OP health anxiety is very common with ADHD. I have a 16 year old DD with ADHD and she is often very anxious about health issues. She has sensory and processing issues which I think cause normal aches and pains to feel more intense than the norm and then the hyperfixation about what's wrong kicks in.

She does have some health issues which have absolutely terrified her even though they are treatable/non life threatening. She's genuinely feared she's dying so has needed a lot of reassurance and support. Her anxiety levels are generally very high even without health concerns.

If your DD is masking when at college or with friends that can also be very exhausting which can cause the feeling of being very run down.

My approach with DD is to listen and offer reassurance. If complaints about certain conditions continue and I can see an impact on her day to day then we get that symptom checked. It is difficult sometimes to know what to pursue medical advice on and what to just offer reassurance on.

Also none of what Stationarytheme is suggesting would work for my DD either.
In fact it would be extremely harmful. You can't punish away ADHD/ASD.

You might get better advice in the Special Needs section than here. It's her neurodiversity that's the root cause of the issues you're experiencing.

Thank you for your reply. I feel like the original point of my post has been mostly lost.

I genuinely think most of her worries are "in her head" for lack of a better phrase but when I try reassurance it almost feeds into it and gives her more reason to think its real. I try to tell her that it's unlikely she has XYZ but that sets off the "you don't support me or believe me". I tend to say, OK well if it's worrying you we'll get a drs appt sorted and then it's "nah there's no point". X

Ty, I have made a new post there x

If she says " my head hurts, I think it's cancer" you could respond with, "I can hear how worried you are, what do you think would make it better?"

That way you are accepting and validating her emotions without diagnosing (which she is obviously rejecting).

For my DD, she did start to avoid school in 6th form and we agreed with the school that her attendance needed to improve. DH and I said to DD that she needed to go to school and that we would all work together on this, that she was not alone. We talked it through and figured out it was mostly sensory overload and masking burnout. She had a key adult (a teacher who was ND herself and that DD trusted) that she could talk to and a quiet space away from mainstream to go to and work in when needed.

Maybe having the motivation to pay for her own phone etc (and stop the scrolling half the day when not at college in the meantime) would help. It sounds like she has nothing to aim for at the moment.

See thats the frustration. She wants to be a forensic psychologist, but she's either unwilling or unable to do the required study. If studying isn't her thing, that's OK, she doesn't have to go to uni and be a highflyer but I told her she has to have something, even if it is a min wage, part time job for now. She's determined she doesn't want to end up in a dead end job and even when she's entertaining the idea, she has unrealistic expectations of them. Quiet shops or cafes where it doesn't get too busy... she's shit out of luck with that, that's nearly impossible.ahe worked at mcdonalds for a few months and I said to her if she can do that, most other places will be a breeze,but not at the level she wants

@Ksjs3 I came on to search health anxiety and found this! I couldve written your OP, DD also unrealistic expectations and ADHD ASD,
especially relate to this too
I try to tell her that it's unlikely she has XYZ but that sets off the "you don't support me or believe me". I tend to say, OK well if it's worrying you we'll get a drs appt sorted and then it's "nah there's no point".
I tend to do a lot of listening, and acknowledging but it is never enough! She gets offended so easily. Like you I feel part of the reason she's suffering is because of too much time on her hands to think, she has no job! Her latest thing is that she has Flo app & while it's a great app for her it just another list of symptoms she can attribute to where she is in her cycle!!

Are things any better?

i recommend limiting her social media scrolling as it can really feed into anxiety... so much misinformation and fear mongering out there, especially for anxious types (like me and dd 14). there’s a middle ground with the we are luna platform tho as it covers health and wellness specifically for teens. Gott it for dd and it talks about health relates topics in a way that’s accurate but still really gentle, feels super apt for teenagers imo x

My DD14 uses luna and it's really helped with her mental health and her confidence - I actually trust it because it's made by doctors