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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

17 DD is difficult - need hope - what age does it get better?

34 replies

Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 20:52

15 was pretty bad. 8/10 bad argumentative and rebellious and just nasty.
16 was 6/10 bad.

17 is cold and cutting and contemptuous.

Controlling and mean.

Is 18 any better?

Or am I doomed? And it will just never get any better? Help. Need support. And hope.

OP posts:
BruFord · 23/02/2025 21:11

Cold and contemptuous towards you? You (or her Dad if you’re together) need to sit her down and tell her that it’s not acceptable to speak to her parents that way and remind her of everything that you do for her.

We’ve had some cheeky/rude behavior from both DD and DS at times and we try to address it immediately if they say something. An apology is needed as well.

Yesterdaytodaytomorrowagain · 23/02/2025 21:22

I found 17 the most difficult year to parent, there was so many conflicting things going on, uni applications, exams, driving lessons, thinking they were an adult but actually they're not, partying, drinking, treating home like a hotel, cutting remarks, the list goes on. Funnily enough, it passes quite quickly and 18 came with some welcome calmness

PinkPandaShoes · 23/02/2025 21:28

I think I was at my worst at around 17/18 and improved massively after a year or 2 of uni.

Original poster
Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 21:53

BruFord · 23/02/2025 21:11

Cold and contemptuous towards you? You (or her Dad if you’re together) need to sit her down and tell her that it’s not acceptable to speak to her parents that way and remind her of everything that you do for her.

We’ve had some cheeky/rude behavior from both DD and DS at times and we try to address it immediately if they say something. An apology is needed as well.

I've tried that for years.
Occasionally I get an apology.
Doesn't work.

Her dad gets worn down. And also undermines me at times.

I'm at breaking point.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 21:54

Yesterdaytodaytomorrowagain · 23/02/2025 21:22

I found 17 the most difficult year to parent, there was so many conflicting things going on, uni applications, exams, driving lessons, thinking they were an adult but actually they're not, partying, drinking, treating home like a hotel, cutting remarks, the list goes on. Funnily enough, it passes quite quickly and 18 came with some welcome calmness

That sounds similar. But it's just brutal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 21:57

Yesterdaytodaytomorrowagain · 23/02/2025 21:22

I found 17 the most difficult year to parent, there was so many conflicting things going on, uni applications, exams, driving lessons, thinking they were an adult but actually they're not, partying, drinking, treating home like a hotel, cutting remarks, the list goes on. Funnily enough, it passes quite quickly and 18 came with some welcome calmness

Gives me some hope.
I'm less worried about safety and sex at 17.

Now it's contempt and frankly I find her behaviour abusive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 21:59

BruFord · 23/02/2025 21:11

Cold and contemptuous towards you? You (or her Dad if you’re together) need to sit her down and tell her that it’s not acceptable to speak to her parents that way and remind her of everything that you do for her.

We’ve had some cheeky/rude behavior from both DD and DS at times and we try to address it immediately if they say something. An apology is needed as well.

Husband won't sit her down with me.
He talks to her alone.

He will not have a united front on it.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 23/02/2025 22:01

I was difficult at 17, op. I'm 75 now and quite all right so there is hope.

Addeline · 23/02/2025 22:03

I tell mine. How will they learn if you don’t? They need to know if people have to walk on eggshells round them.

Original poster
Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 22:06

I've told her each time.

She doesn't care.
This isn't normal.

OP posts:
Boymum2104 · 23/02/2025 22:07

I'd say I became good friends with my mum around 24

Original poster
Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 22:10

LBFseBrom · 23/02/2025 22:01

I was difficult at 17, op. I'm 75 now and quite all right so there is hope.

I've had 7 years of all this already.

I've had enough.

At some point people need to be kind.

I was never this much of a bitch at this age.

I went to nice ex grammar school.

I sent her to a large comp. Where the kids and teachers are just aggressive.

I had my moments later in my 30s. Under stress.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 22:11

@Boymum2104 really?

I think this is impossible.
She hates me. I feel like she's breaking me bit by bit.

She wants me to break.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 22:13

@Boymum2104
Wish I'd had a boy.

Did you hate your mum at 17?
Why did you get better at 24?

OP posts:
BruFord · 23/02/2025 22:15

Has he explained why he won’t show a united front? It seems so counter-productive?

For some reason, my children have been cheekier/ruder towards DH than me so I have to do the telling-off, remind them what he does for them, etc.

Penko25 · 23/02/2025 22:16

Your language towards her is unpleasant. Have you ever had a positive relationship with her? Perhaps she picks up that you don’t like her.

BohoDragon · 23/02/2025 22:20

Same here, 16 year old son is so rude, swears at my, using the C word, swears at his Dad who ignores it, so I'm fighting this battle on my own. He does a lot of sport so I'm forever ferrying him around. He complains if I'm a couple of minutes late picking him up. I told him to learn to get the bus! He is just so entitled. I told him that we had an electrician coming tomorrow at 7:30am so that he would know not to wander out of the shower that time, to which he replied " I don't give a shit" I'm at my wits end. When will this get better? I'm one week on to coming of Sertraline, think I will go back on it!

Boymum2104 · 23/02/2025 22:21

@Flyhigher
I moved out at around 21, had a few years of doing my own thing then reconnected when I was an 'adult' & appreciated her. Now I have kids of my own our relationship is better than ever.

I didn't hate her, but I don't think I was very nice teen, rebelled against most things she said and thought I always knew best.

Original poster
Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 22:32

Penko25 · 23/02/2025 22:16

Your language towards her is unpleasant. Have you ever had a positive relationship with her? Perhaps she picks up that you don’t like her.

She has told me 10 times today that I'm useless and annoying.
When I've driven her to about 5 places. And done her bidding all day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 22:35

@Boymum2104 she's like that. Always thinks she knows best.

She moans about the printer not working.
I say I'll show her how to fix it.

She puts me down. I fix it. She gets angry.

I can't win.

OP posts:
Jellyjellyonaplate · 23/02/2025 22:36

Is she depressed? Sometimes people get irrationally angry when they're down.

Or maybe she's being a teenager

Original poster
Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 22:36

BruFord · 23/02/2025 22:15

Has he explained why he won’t show a united front? It seems so counter-productive?

For some reason, my children have been cheekier/ruder towards DH than me so I have to do the telling-off, remind them what he does for them, etc.

No.
He just doesn't want to be in the middle.

Maybe his sister was always arguing with his parents. And it's stuck.

He won't stand up to angry people.

He has had enough.

OP posts:
stomachamelon · 23/02/2025 22:37

@BohoDragon I would stop the ferrying and when he complains tell him you 'don't give a shit'
Relationships are two way.
My boys aren't angels but I am also no mug. If you're rude why would I do what you want?

@Flyhigher if you're so useless why does she want a lift from you.... start biting back!

Original poster
Flyhigher · 23/02/2025 22:37

Jellyjellyonaplate · 23/02/2025 22:36

Is she depressed? Sometimes people get irrationally angry when they're down.

Or maybe she's being a teenager

She's nice to her dad.

This is not teen behaviour. She might be fed up and a bit depressed yes.

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 23/02/2025 22:41

My daughters turned into nice caring humans around 19 I think.