DS just takes days off college when he can't be arsed!

[SpookyAllSeasons]

I am feeling so frustrated with this situation right now.

DS 17 is in his first year of college. His attendance isn't brilliant because when he can't be arsed to go in, he just takes the day off. He's also very regularly late in, despite me getting him up at a decent time.

He called me from his bedroom this morning to tell me he doesn't want to go in because he's having a hard time at the moment. This is always his excuse. It will actually be because he's tired from late night conversations with friends and his girlfriend. I reminded him that he's about to have 1.5 weeks off for half term, but he still won't budge.

I feel like I have no leverage and just have to accept it. He knows I am really disappointed.

Has anyone been in this position and if so, how do you deal with it?

Let's look at the positives. He's attending colleges (mostly) and has a girlfriend. He attends enough to pass the course, and although once a fortnight he protests he doesn't want to go, he has a parent supportive enough to get him to go in most days.

With the current support he receives from home and college he's likely to pass the course, not with an amazing grade that will get him into university, but with a grade good enough to get him in to a job. Will he be happy with this, OP? Of so, keep doing. What you're doing for the next 18 months. I know it's hard work and stressful.

Don't start a thread in 2 years when he doesn't want to go to work because posters will just tell you he's an adult and it's up to him

He's neurodiverse and probably not as mature as most people his age. You're going to have to parent him longer than most parents would.

What type of course does he do?
Is it his main course or the compulsory English and maths resit classes that are the issue? Students often hate these.

Does he get the work done in the end, did he pass his GCSEs, and his AS levels depending which year he's in? I'm not suggesting you condone unlimited skiving, or being up chin wagging all night.

However I had undiagnosed ADHD until my 30s and sometimes the overwhelm and shit executive function was only manageable by ducking out periodically and having a day off. I would sometimes use this to catch up with coursework when I'd let it build up or sometimes just regroup.

I would suggest you don't make this a big discipline issue if he's getting his work done , even haphazardly and is quite engaged with college. I would make it more of a support matter. I was treated like a total delinquent by family, especially my brother who could do no wrong, and it damaged my self esteem long term. Find out whether the support provided is actually helping him or whether he's just managing as best he can. If his strategy is this, then it may be easiest to understand and factor it in. Perhaps discuss with his tutor first as this is just a suggestion but I was very much holding on by a thread managing my own time (highly academic but picked slightly ill judged time consuming subjects and had a long commute).

Don't go straight in with a boot up the arse like you might with a NT kid. It may not be appropriate here. Those saying they'd be rigid don't understand neurodibersities.

No phones at night may help.

This just doesn't work. Have tried it all.