Leaving child alone overnight for the first time

[GlitterRain]

He’s 17. I know he will be fine. I know many kids do this at a younger age, but it just hasn’t come up yet, and he has always been quite ‘young’ for his age until this last year. We’ve walked him through everything. He has a relative 10 mins down the road for emergencies, and we’ll only be 45 mins away, and not drinking, so can get back if needs be. I know this is a necessary step before he leaves home (!). He doesn’t drink or smoke or do drugs. No chance of him throwing a party or doing anything outrageous - the worst thing he’ll do is spend too long on his computer. We’re giving him money for a take away so no cooking risk. But all the worst case scenarios are running through my mind. Someone please reassure me before I drive myself crazy!

Leaving a 7yo home alone for 2 hours is completely irresponsible.

He will be fine. My DD stayed on her own last summer when she was just turned 15. My DH works 2 nights a week and is gone from 6.30pm until 7am. I was abroad with our two younger children. DD wanted to stay at home as she was volunteering at a summer camp and was enjoying it. My DH either cooked for them before he went to work or ordered her a takeaway. This was for three weeks. DD had no issues and loved being on her own to relax and watch TV after a long day at camp.

@JRM17 I'm no helicopter parent, but 7 is too young to be left alone. They wouldn't know what to do/how to safely react in any kind of emergency, their brains aren't developed enough to always recall protocols like what to do if ...... and are also still impulsive/dont think of consequences of actions.

I don’t think you’re getting into smothering territory op, some kids are more innocent than others and don’t are/have to be tougher for different reasons! Hope he ends up having an enjoyable night!

Why wouldn't I? It's completely normal where I live and it's nothing I need to hide. I will be telling his teacher so they know to cut him some slack in the beginning if he forgets his school bag and books, before it becomes habit.

You are doing him a massive disservice by making such a big deal of this. No cooking?! He's nearly an adult!

If its safe then why do the govt put advice out there on it?

NSPCC guidance: -

There is no minimum legal age for leaving a child home alone in the UK. Instead, parents should use their judgment to decide when their child is ready. The decision depends on the maturity of the child and the level of risk involved.

• Set ground rules and practice what to do in an emergency.
• Create a safety plan for situations like injuries or fires.
• Write down your phone number and the numbers of friends and family.
• Involve your child in the conversation about when they may be ready to be left home alone.

So in light of that, if the poster stating they leave thier 7 year old for a couple of hrs is ok with that and they are confident thier 7 year old is responsible enough to do so, then that seems fine.

At 17 and assuming there is someone not a million miles away in case there is an emergency and he is happy, yeah.

Ideally invite a friend over to stay (what I did when I was a similar age) but I see that won’t work.

A 7 year old making spaghetti bolognese from scratch at home alone wow just when you think you've heard it all!

OP it's hard I know just realising myself but don't be too hard on yourself, you sound like you're doing a great job, each little step will make it easier I'm sure

I hear you - we first left DD and DS for 1 night when they were 17/15. No concerns about alcohol, parties, drugs, more concerned about too long on the PlayStation and not going to bed early enough. I wasn't actually too concerned but the next year, when it was DS16 only (DD at uni), I really struggled with the idea. So probably went over the top on practicalities - checking he definitely knew how to set and unset the alarm, what to do if there was a power cut, left about six phone numbers of local friends just in case, told the neighbours (who we know well and trust) that he was on his own. He was of course fine and looked forward to the next time it happened.

I had moved out and was living independently in a flat share at 17 at Uni. He’ll be fine.

It helps to stop thinking of them as actual children at that age. They are just entering adulthood. If he goes to uni then he'll be moving out at least during term time and will have to fend for himself, including cooking in under two years.

I understand your concerns because the first time does feel like a bit of a leap of faith whatever age it happens at. I think my girls were all around 16 when first left overnight, although they had got used to being on their own for a couple of hours or more a day since they went to secondary school. All was fine.

Your DS will be absolutely fine too. My bet is that he will have his takeaway and then enjoy watching a film and/or spending time on his computer, perhaps gaming, with no parents anywhere nearby. He'll enjoy that.

Now is definitely the time to be loosening the apron strings, hard though that can be. Your relationship with him needs to be evolving now into more of a supportive adult one rather than purely parent and child.

I’m glad you’ll be telling the school.

And the mother of the year award goes to...

17

I bet he's looking forward to some much welcomed freedom

I totally know how you feel. Dd missed out on all of that sort of first steps into being left alone because of Covid and I was so stressed the first time I left her but she was fine and she was a bit older too.
She went from nothing to nights away herself with friends and home alone really quickly but at an age where she hasn’t done the odd practice nights like you are doing.
it feels weird at first but once you’ve done it, it is very liberating.

she’s 21 now and even keeps 14 year old ds2 overnight if me and dh stay in a hotel. It’s great!

It's advice on how to prepare them and set rules like whether or not they're allowed friends over or can go out to play

He'll be fine but I know exactly how you feel OP. I feel the same way about my 17yo. She's always been very young and not very independent so it's a big gear change trusting that she'll be OK. I know lots of kids are super independent at a young age but she's not.

If you think I’m saying I’m mother of the year because I think that leaving a 7 year old to get lock up a house and get themselves ready and off to school on their own in the morning is irresponsible then you have a very low bar. It’s not a race to the bottom.

Can’t remember where I read it the other day? Government advice, but the recommendation is that children should be at least 12 before being left alone and 14 before leaving alone overnight, depending on the child, of course. Leaving a 7 year old child of seven on their own is highly irresponsible imo.

It’s 12.

So by that standard a 3yo or even a 6mo could be left for 2 hours at home?

The UK government guidance says 'children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time', and while I'd disagree that they are rarely mature enough (well at least not if they're raised in a way that works towards independence - if a NT 11 year old in my country wasn't mature enough to stay home alone for a few hours people would be asking questions about the parenting) that doesn't actually say they shouldn't be left home alone, only says not for longer periods of time, which I'd say a couple of hours is not.

All these people saying 12 is the guideline ... surely most 11 year olds come home to an empty house when they start secondary.