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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Leaving child alone overnight for the first time

82 replies

GlitterRain · 11/02/2025 22:49

He’s 17. I know he will be fine. I know many kids do this at a younger age, but it just hasn’t come up yet, and he has always been quite ‘young’ for his age until this last year. We’ve walked him through everything. He has a relative 10 mins down the road for emergencies, and we’ll only be 45 mins away, and not drinking, so can get back if needs be. I know this is a necessary step before he leaves home (!). He doesn’t drink or smoke or do drugs. No chance of him throwing a party or doing anything outrageous - the worst thing he’ll do is spend too long on his computer. We’re giving him money for a take away so no cooking risk. But all the worst case scenarios are running through my mind. Someone please reassure me before I drive myself crazy!

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 13/02/2025 05:02

It'd weird not to trust a 17 year old to use the cooker.

Caramelcap · 13/02/2025 05:02

This is crazy… I worked two jobs, rented my own house and had a baby at 17.

That baby is now 17 and he’s been staying home alone for over year even when I’m out of the country.

I’m positive your son will be fine.

shelle07 · 13/02/2025 05:14

I’ve got a 16 year old and just did this a few weeks ago. He was absolutely fine. Usually we would ask a relative to stay over, but he was adamant that he is old enough to be unsupervised. So we reluctantly gave it a go.
i just want to reassure you that it was fine. He was fine. I think he quite enjoyed the independence and autonomy. It’s a learning curve for both but a healthy one too.

Richiewoo · 13/02/2025 06:33

Omg he's 17. Stop babying him. He'll be fine

Meadowfinch · 13/02/2025 06:38

I left mine recently at 16.5 for one night. I was 80 miles away at a conference.

He had friends locally he could call in an emergency, I rang him to check he was ok and everything was fine.

Try not to worry.

greengreyblue · 13/02/2025 06:39

JRM17 · 12/02/2025 23:23

Bloody Nora don't just cut those apron strings hack at them with an axe, torch them with a flame thrower and for god sake give the boy some space. My 7 (yes 7) year old stays home alone for up to 2 hrs, he makes his own sandwich and drinks and snacks. When home alone he isn't allowed to cook but is capable of making spaghetti bolognaise from scratch and makes his own French toast. I want a self sufficient capable child who then becomes a capable adult. Your son is less than a year from adulthood and your not letting him cook FFS.

Not good! 7 is too young to be home alone.

greengreyblue · 13/02/2025 06:41

I used to be terrified of being in the house alone overnight when my parents went away I loved it in the day time but slept with every light on in the house and left the tv on! 😂

strawberrysea · 13/02/2025 06:51

amigafan2003 · 13/02/2025 01:01

Bloody hell, we've been going away for weekends as soon as the kids turned about 14!

My 17 year old has just taken himself off for his Royal Marines training - 260 miles on the train on his tod with three changes.

Edited

I was about to comment and say that there are 16 year olds training to be sent to war. I think a 17 year old will be completely fine home alone for a night 😬

verycloakanddaggers · 13/02/2025 06:56

We’re giving him money for a take away so no cooking risk. This is really not ok, you're holding him back if you're not teaching him and then trusting him to cook safely.

verycloakanddaggers · 13/02/2025 06:58

My 7 (yes 7) year old stays home alone for up to 2 hrs, he makes his own sandwich and drinks and snacks And at the other end of the spectrum this is not ok at all, far too young.

BananaSpanner · 13/02/2025 06:58

I must be alone in thinking it’s not unusual for a 17 year old never to have been left home alone overnight. I was an independent teen with loads of freedom but the circumstances never arose that I spent the night alone (properly alone, not with other teens), I’m not even sure that I know when I first did it. Even away at uni I don’t think I was ever alone in the house share overnight.

Of course he’ll be fine but I understand being a bit nervy.

The seven year old mentioned above being left alone for 2 hours at a time is not something to be proud of.

Natsku · 13/02/2025 07:00

He'll be fine but you do need to work on his independence if you can't trust him to cook unsupervised yet, he'll be leaving home before you know it and needs to be able to cope. Barring extra needs that prevent it, teenagers ought to be capable of taking care of things independently (cooking, cleaning, laundry etc.) by about 16 really so they be ready for moving out when they do.

Natsku · 13/02/2025 07:02

verycloakanddaggers · 13/02/2025 06:58

My 7 (yes 7) year old stays home alone for up to 2 hrs, he makes his own sandwich and drinks and snacks And at the other end of the spectrum this is not ok at all, far too young.

No it's not, it's completely normal in many countries. My 7 year old will be alone in the mornings before school next autumn.

verycloakanddaggers · 13/02/2025 07:19

I think it is around ten years since the NSPCC published guidance about leaving children home alone. They drew a distinction at 12. That guidance was endorsed by the government and police. The law in the UK doesn't set out a specific age.

In the UK I would expect all schools would flag concerns about a 7yo bring left home alone regularly, particularly if they need to get themselves to school.

BananaSpanner · 13/02/2025 07:32

Natsku · 13/02/2025 07:02

No it's not, it's completely normal in many countries. My 7 year old will be alone in the mornings before school next autumn.

Show quote history

Loads of things are completely normal in many countries whilst being at odds with the safeguarding of children.

Natsku · 13/02/2025 07:41

BananaSpanner · 13/02/2025 07:32

Loads of things are completely normal in many countries whilst being at odds with the safeguarding of children.

Show quote history

And this isn't one of them (unless there's a specific reason an individual 7 year old can't be left alone). In my country the national child protection charity gives advice about leaving your 7 year olds home alone, because it's completely normal and fine.

DangerousAlchemy · 13/02/2025 07:55

RedHelenB · 13/02/2025 05:02

It'd weird not to trust a 17 year old to use the cooker.

i think it does depend on the individual though? i have a gas range cooker and if you lean against it the knobs turn v easily. My kids' friends have turned the gas on a couple of times in error. Plus my DS tried to put frozen pizza on the wooden chopping board in the oven last year (he was 16) so....🤣

Jk987 · 13/02/2025 08:08

He can surely can cook without setting the house on fire! Let him at least make his own dinner OP. An oven pizza or something. He can even go to the shop and buy it!

GretchenWienersHair · 13/02/2025 08:08

He’ll be fine.

BananaSpanner · 13/02/2025 08:24

Natsku · 13/02/2025 07:41

And this isn't one of them (unless there's a specific reason an individual 7 year old can't be left alone). In my country the national child protection charity gives advice about leaving your 7 year olds home alone, because it's completely normal and fine.

Show quote history

I bet you don’t tell the school you’re doing it.

BananaSpanner · 13/02/2025 08:32

What’s the relevance of this? You haven’t chosen to bring your child up in your country, you’ve chosen to bring your child up in the UK where 7 year olds shouldn’t be left for 2 hours and expected to secure a house and get themselves to school.

BatInATopHat · 13/02/2025 08:39

Leaving a 7 year old is neglectful and I'd report you to SS if I knew you @JRM17 - probably hints towards other issues in your parenting .. SS would visit you and you know it. Why not tell the school what you're doing? Bet you don't

OP - I left my almost 18 year old last year for a few days. We have cameras and I arranged for his adult sister to come over each day. Plan it carefully and he'll be fine

Dueanamechange2025 · 13/02/2025 08:47

This is why so many young people struggle to cope in the work place, they have literally never been taught any responsibility. I can never understand why people don’t gradually introduce responsibility instead of getting to adult hood and think shit, they need to learn to be alone, cook a meal, understand time management, wash their own clothes, manage a pet etc. Do it bit by bit with support at first. Honesty baffles me.

MinnieCauldwell · 13/02/2025 08:49

I had been independent and in full time work for a year by the time I turned 17, the cossetting on here of young adults is off the scale sometimes.

JimHalpertsWife · 13/02/2025 08:51

We’re giving him money for a take away so no cooking risk

If I head out for an hour over lunchtime or am not back in time for dds lunch she will make herself an omelette or cooks some pasta, she's 13. You need to un clench on the cooking front Grin

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