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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Boring teen

32 replies

Lellamir · 12/01/2025 01:08

DS is driving me mad!

I always look forward to weekends and school holidays, and have resented having to be at work for so many of them, since he was 10.
I love his nature, and enjoy his company. I make a point of doing 'stuff' - days out, meals out, the beach etc, because days and weekends off work, are precious. But, I can't currently drive.
He's 15, now, and I'm off work for a while, after surgery. And he is just really getting on my nerves. Constantly showing me stuff on his phone, and talking about stuff I'm just not interested in. Any time I try to watch TV, I have to pause or rewind it, constantly, because I can't concentrate.
I'm starting to resent being told what to think, where to look, what to hear. I just want to have my own thoughts, ffs!
I've explained to him that faking an interest in PS games would be patronising. That, if I was interested in the stuff in his phone, I'd be watching that, rather than Scandinavian detective shows! He keeps telling me to look at the cats doing cute stuff. I KNOW - I've been stuck at home with them for 6 weeks!
I feel so bad, 'rejecting' him, but I just don't care about fictional characters, or even real people I've never met (YouTube idiots).
I don't want his memories of his childhood being me not listening to him. But I don't want to listen to him!
Aaarghhh.

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 12/01/2025 01:11

He's 15, be pleased he still wants to talk to you. Look at the phone, admire the cats, be interested in the gaming. It will not last forever.

GiraffesAtThePark · 12/01/2025 01:14

There can surely be a balance found. You shouldn’t have to constantly share in his interests but there should be some of it.

Cyclistextraordinare · 12/01/2025 01:20

Ugh, being told stuff from YouTube is the worst!

Can you find some things you enjoy together? Some decent board games, taking up a new hobby or craft (pyrography, whittling etc), or find a programme you both enjoy.

Original poster
Lellamir · 12/01/2025 01:38

Thank you.

Yes, I bought him a whittling kit, and pyrography tool, a few years ago. I'll get him to dig them out.
He likes DIY, as do I.
I might get him to do up the spare room, or something. But, I'd be interested in doing that with him!

I think my lack of mobility is the issue.
I'm like a captive audience!

I HATE the 'online idiots', ranting about inanities. On the one hand, I'm relieved when they occupy his attention. On the other, I just don't want to feign interest.

I suppose the one parent, one kid dynamic is, inevitably, intense. There's no other parent to share in his highs and lows. No cute toddler; just intense teen.
But, I'm 55 - he's 14. We're not meant to share the same interests, I guess. We're at very different life stages. I've always prioritised his, but I used to share them. Lego, books, schoolwork, days out, museums etc.

I love him, of course, and am interested in HIM. I just don't care what some bloke on YouTube, I've never heard of, thinks about a TV show I've no interest in watching.

Aaarghhh, I'm in my room and he's shouting up to me about some new Goosebumps/TikTok collaboration. It's 01:37, ffs!

OP posts:
AllrightNowBaby · 12/01/2025 01:47

Oh fgs just tell him you’re not interested in any clips on tic toc or whatever and don’t bother to show you any more.
How will he know to stop if you feign interest?

Original poster
Lellamir · 12/01/2025 01:53

I don't feign interest, and I've told him why. But, he still wants to share his interests with me.
I guess I want to share stuff with him, too. But, as an adult, I can shift out stuff I know he won't want to see/hear.

He's currently asking me whether his recently shaved bumfluff is stubble or an actual moustache. Or something in between. I've said I don't know; my experience is limited. I've told him I'll look in the morning, as it's unreasonable to put my bedroom light on at 2am.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 12/01/2025 01:56

@AllrightNowBaby are you always so dismissive

ZestFest · 12/01/2025 02:01

I do understand your frustration, but be careful what you wish for. My son's 15 and has latterly hit that stage where he rarely wants to share things with me any more. I know it's annoying when they blather on about youtube - but it's a way to stay connected, communicating and part of his life. I'm sure there's a compromise to be had. Mine is that DS only shows me cat videos nowadays because we both enjoy the silliness. The rest he enjoys on his own!

Monty27 · 12/01/2025 02:01

@Lellamir he cares bake buns or build shelves together. He sounds lovely but I do know it h the glazed eye when you have to listen to RuneScape excerpts and some such 😀

Original poster
Lellamir · 12/01/2025 02:02

Monty27 · 12/01/2025 01:56

@AllrightNowBaby are you always so dismissive

I guess that poster doesn't understand that I'm trying to balance his need to be heard, with my own need not to hear it!
And am,. meanwhile, offloading on Mumsnet, rather than telling my kid to shut TF up, because I'm not interested in him!

OP posts:
Crazybaby123 · 12/01/2025 02:12

Can you get into a series together. I have made my son recently watch the following ahows with me, The Cleaner (BBC), 8 Mile (eminem), Midsummer Murders, Poirot, Forest Gump, Lord of the Rings and a few more things I like and he kind of enjoyed them too!!

Original poster
Lellamir · 12/01/2025 02:22

Good idea. I think that's the answer.
We both hated The Cleaner, but loved Afterlife, Ghosts and, on his recommendation, Ugly Betty.
We get through a lot of popcorn...

Your mentioning Poirot made me laugh. I didn't realise we were watching the final episode. DS was gutted. Later, he called me to 'look'. He had used fabric from my sewing box, to line a guitar case, and was lying in it with his arms crossed over his chest. He'd drawn on a moustache, and had made a 'gravestone' with 'RIP Hercule Poirot' on it.
This is what I'm dealing with, lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lellamir · 12/01/2025 08:57

Having said that, he often talks over what we're watching. And he pauses it every 5 minutes to go to the loo/fetch a snack/check his messages/Google what other shows an actor has been in, etc etc etc.

I'm going to really try with him, today, because I feel (a bit) guilty for making this thread.
He'll probably go out and play football, soon, and I'll try really hard not to let my eyes glaze over, when he recreates every tackle and every goal 'for me' when he gets in!

OP posts:
evtheria · 12/01/2025 09:03

The casket is brilliant haha, you're really lucky to have such a creative, enthusiastic teen.

This has actually reminded me to do better at listening to my own DS's (to me, inane) never-ending babble about gaming.

theleafandnotthetree · 12/01/2025 09:13

He sounds amazing (the casket!) but also exhausting. I think you just have to muddle through to an extent but also put some firm boundaries in place. It is completely unacceptable that he would disturb your sleep or just randomly shout things up at you in the early hours, I would lose my shit at that. I don't know how that ever evolved to be honest. So cut that out completely, at X point in the evening, no disturbing you unless it's an emergency and he is to be quiet and respectful of your sleep. Even if he were talking about the most interesting things in the world, that should be the case.

ObliviousCoalmine · 12/01/2025 10:29

I think you need to be careful. He's actively involving you in things he's interested in; at 15 that's pretty bloody good. If you keep pushing the "this is boring/I'm not interested in what you have to say" aspect, you run the risk of him keeping it to himself which means you also don't have any kind of oversight of what he's looking at.

This is on you to be proactive and find a common ground. Seeing as you're not overly mobile, it's a tv series or maybe Gousto meals that he can do while you 'help'/keep an eye, is there a PlayStation game that you could actually give half an hour of your time a day with him? Or let him teach you one? Even something like Sims where you build characters and a house. It's something you're doing together and you can chat while you do it.

He wants to interact with you. MN is full of threads lamenting that their teens are never home or when they are they're in their rooms.

tailinthejam · 12/01/2025 10:34

You need to be overwhelmingly glad and relieved that he IS showing you all the stuff he finds interesting online.

There's some truly terrible stuff out there he could get sucked into, and if he didn't feel able to talk to you and show you things, you would never know what extremist views were being indoctrinated into him.

thesaskedminger · 12/01/2025 10:39

He's 15, now, and I'm off work for a while, after surgery. And he is just really getting on my nerves. Constantly showing me stuff on his phone, and talking about stuff I'm just not interested in. Any time I try to watch TV, I have to pause or rewind it, constantly, because I can't concentrate.

Poor kid. Sounds horrible.

Be present. It's easy. The TV is not important.

cheezncrackers · 12/01/2025 10:43

You sound like an old grump OP. I get it - you're recovering from surgery, you're probably in pain, you can't drive so you're stuck at home, it's a grim time of year at the best of times, etc. But I'd be grateful that your 15-year-old wants to talk to you and involve you in things he enjoys. He'll be gone and off doing his own thing soon enough. I know what it's like - I have two teen boys who aren't into the same things as me (I also love a good Scandi noir!), but please make a bit of effort.

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 12/01/2025 10:44

Wow! Op, I actually can’t believe what I’ve just read! Your DS would be absolutely devastated if he read that. Beyond devastated.
Your 15 year old still wants to share stuff with you and spend time with you, and your whole post reads like you want him to just fuck off.

Poor lad

Barrenfieldoffucks · 12/01/2025 10:44

InSpainTheRain · 12/01/2025 01:11

He's 15, be pleased he still wants to talk to you. Look at the phone, admire the cats, be interested in the gaming. It will not last forever.

Exactly this. You can't expect to be left in peace permanently with another person in the house surely? Just because you don't like the same stuff doesn't make him boring!

Kamek · 12/01/2025 10:49

You sound horrible TBH. He sounds great. You should be thankful that he is so open and has such wholesome interests I think. You said you're not interested in him, well maybe one day he'll realise what you're like and permanently be disinterested in you!

drspouse · 12/01/2025 10:50

I would be putting a night time block on his phone for a start! Any time past 11 is too late for adults, let alone a child.

AllrightNowBaby · 12/01/2025 10:58

Monty27 · 12/01/2025 01:56

@AllrightNowBaby are you always so dismissive

Not dismissive, imo the boy needs to be told he cannot have attention all the time.
He has apparently now shouted something about Goosebumps on tic toc, op says she’s in her room and it’s 1.37 ffs.
At 2pm hes barged into her room, turned the light on to ask Op about bumfluff/whiskers.
It’s absolutely ridiculous….

FerretChops · 12/01/2025 11:13

You sound bloody horrible. It's your actual job as a parent to feign interest in their interests. Just suck it up and show him that his interests matter to you when he shares them with you

And I've had 26 years of this as a parent! No, I couldn't care less about fitness routines on TikTok that I'm currently shown daily by my 18 year old but he wouldn't know that because I couldn't bear to be dismissive of him

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