How does your teen contribute to household

[butshesatschool]

I have 2 DDs 18 and 16 both at school. DD1 is doing 4 a levels, a sport at an elite level, plays an instrument (in school orchestras / bands) and a p/t job. These are all her choices and no pressure from me or DH. She's spending more time out of the house as you would expect and as she should be at her age and I'm keen she has time to socialise etc.

However I feel a bit like she's treating home like a hotel. She comes and goes as she pleases (has got better at telling us where she's going/ coming back etc for meals) but I'm trying to work out what's reasonable in terms of chores as I'm feeling a bit resentful. Me and DH both work f/t in demanding jobs and I feel she should be eg helping with dishwasher and laundry, occasional cooking etc.

DD2 helps a bit but neither DD does a lot and they both have mock exams in January and GCSEs and a levels in the summer. I expect less from DD2 as she's younger but she's around at home so probably does more. What do your DC do and what is reasonable to expect? Thanks for reading!

Bump

I don't know but I'm a single parent. I often find it easier to do things myself but I try to make a point of not being the bottom of the heap. If you think she's taming the piss then you will be right.

This holiday DS2 (17) is doing all his own washing.
DS1 (20) has been doing his washing since he was 15. But he isn’t autistic unlike his brother.
I ask DS2 to put his clothes in the washing basket. He helped bring shopping in from the car. If I ask he will do things - unload the dishwasher etc.
This holiday I will ask them both to clean their bathroom and the downstairs toilet/sink. But I usually do that
DS1 used to be in charge of the recycling. But then he went to university.
My main challenge is remembering to check it I give them a chore that they have actually done it. That’s why the clothes washing is a good one as it’s a stand alone job.

I would not give chores in exam years. School aged kids can't be treating the house as a hotel if what that means is that you are feeding them etc. - you are providing family life and they are family members who are still students.

If you want them to load a dishwasher just ask them to do it 🤷‍♀️

She's doing a lot as she wants to but just because she wants to do all these things, does that mean she can not help out? I want to support them but I think that also means teaching them to be independent and to look after themselves

I'm trying to work out if iabu and I am expecting too much or whether other teens don't do much as they're studying. I would think they could do dishwasher, hang out laundry, clear table after meals and keep room tidy but not much of that happens if I don't nag!

As someone who was once a teenage girl, and not someone who has teenage daughters, what are you doing for them that you could easily not do? A 16 year old I can see you doing more for, but for an 18 year old she could easily do her own laundry loads, fold her own clothes, buy some of her own food, cook it, unload the dishwasher / wash dishes so it’s not always you doing it, vacuum once in a while, buy her own toiletries, make her bed (!)

In other words, step back a bit and see what happens.

DS17 is doing an apprenticeship which involves shift working and is normally either at work or sleeping or with his girlfriend. He pays board and will do jobs if I specifically ask.

DS14 is in year 10 and his homework seems to have ramped right up. He also trains for his sport 17 hours a week and competes for full weekends every month or so. He has very little spare time but will do jobs if I specifically ask.

I don't expect them to do certain things but. I do expect not to have to ask several times if I do ask them to do something.

DD's are 18 and 16 and I'm a single parent working FT+ so they help out a fair bit. DD1 cooks about once a week, sorts the cat litter tray, helps with the recycling, empties the dishwasher and will put a wash on when needed. Makes her own lunches every day.

DD2 cooks 2-3 times a week, empties the dishwasher, helps in the garden and internal recycling and sorts clothes from the dryer. Makes her own lunches every day.

We all just contribute to a working household

I have a cleaner but if she's off then they will help with hoovering etc. it's all just part of living in a functioning household tbh.

I should probably make DS do more. He'll help if I ask him to do a job specifically but I can't trust him to remember to do anything. He works full time in an apprenticeship and sorts out his own meals- I don't cook for him any more. He puts the bins out, helps bring shopping in, tidies/hoovers his own room, puts his own clothes away & brings them down for washing. I should probably make him wash up regularly but I've just got used to doing it myself. Definitely a New Year's resolution to ask him to do more.

Forgot to add, he's nearly 19. Doesn't pay any board as he's on a first year apprentice wage but will when this increases to minimum wage next years.

Dtds are 13 and empty the dishwasher every morning so we can refill for the day.

dd1 is 16 (A’ levels) and she washes up pans most evenings when home and cooks for the family one night a week.

All 3 empty the recycling bins once a week, clean out bunnies and strip then make their beds themselves.

Twins each cook in the school holidays.

DS is 18 and has a level mocks in new year. He is sporty, has a girlfriend and part time job so is out a lot. He puts the washing up away - that’s ‘his’ job. He also does stuff that’s about him eg strips his own bed clothes and on again when clean, empties his bin, brings his washing down. This seems like doable low level stuff.

Importantly he is generally quite grateful of what I do (eg thanks me if I give him clean washing) and respectful about meals (telling us if not in). I would take this over a lot of chores tbh

Lives are full on at that age. I expect them to clean up after themselves - put stuff in the laundry, put cups in the dishwasher, make their bed and generally not leave a trail behind them - but I don't give them actual tasks to do. They've a long time being an adult to do all this shit.

As teens, mine each cooked one family meal a week.
Whoever wasn't cooking was expected to either lay the table and get everyone a drink, or to clear the table and load the dishwasher afterwards.
Also responsible for keeping their own rooms relatively tidy (that did vary, if I'm honest - all went through phases when they lived in pits) but if they didn't, I didn't do anything in there.
Putting their own clean clothes away. Changing own sheets when they wanted clean ones.
Then odd tasks here and there, but not on a regular basis - like getting the washing out, or collecting the rubbish from bins round the house on bin night, or occasionally putting the shopping away when I got in. That was only on an 'as and when' basis.

DS16 takes bins in/out, sorts all our laundry before DH washes it, folds and puts away his own clothes, feeds the cat at night (I feed her in the morning) and clears the litter tray. If asked, he’ll also hoover downstairs and help with other things (putting Christmas tree up, hauling boxes up and down the loft, etc.).

He started cooking Gousto meals for all of us from age 12 and was doing it once a week from age 14, but since starting Y11 that has stopped, apart from Christmas holidays and other school breaks.

He does Explorers (Mondays), fencing (Wednesdays and Saturdays) and martial arts (Saturdays) plus LAMDA at school so is fairly busy.

Mine are busy with school, exams etc and extra curricular including volunteering as well as own hobbies but they lived in the house so they do stuff. That's just normal isn't it? I certainly don't want my teens thinking anything over than it being normal.

They wear clothes so they can stick a wash on when the laundry basket is full.

They sleep in a bed so they can strip it and wash the linen.

They shower and shit in a bathroom so they can clean it.

They eat food so they can cook it and wash up.

They walk on the floors so they can hoover and mop them.

Do they do it all the time? No of course not. Because dh does and I do too. Who does what varies depending on who is around, what needs doing and who has the most time. And they are teens so hardwired to not really think of doing it so rarely do an it off their own back.

But they will, eg DD was working on a school project yesterday and the bathrooms needed doing so I cleaned the loo, sink and shower in each of them but asked DD to follow me and mop the floors and clean up her mass of hair from the bath. She did. It took her all of 10 minutes.

Not yet teen youngest will get sent round with a duster.

Oldest teen works plus A levels so probably gets less cleaning and more taking bin or recycling out on their way out and does a fair bit of getting pasta or rice on so dinner is ready when others get home from hobbies.

Keep their room tidy
Set the table
Empty the dishwasher
Clean out the guinea pig
Walk the dog
Dirty washing in basket
Clean laundry put away neatly
Strip their bedding and put most of it back on although I will help with the duvet.

They made their own school lunch and breakfast from 8yrs

Other than that they tidy up after themselves, don't leave glasses and plates dotted around the house, shoes and coats are put away.

Their pocket money is contingent on them pulling their weight, we are a team but I wfh so will do the majority of home chores.

Both do all their own washing and whoever is off is expected to do the dishwasher that day.
I also plan shopping deliveries around them and they are expected to put it all away and clean the fridge

And they also each cool once a week!

I have 3 teenagers who are also really, really busy. Older 2 teens both have GCSEs plus their own extra curriculars and DS13 does a lot of sport too. I think they help a good amount but they aren't required to do anything other than clean after themselves and cleaning their own bedroom as well as walking the dogs if I ask and they're not busy. Sometimes they'll offer to do the dishwasher etc., vacuum or I'll ask if they seem free and they don't mind.

They're all very capable of cooking their own meals if necessary but I'd never expect them to cook for the whole family

DS(16) and DD(13) are both pretty busy - both do a significant amount of music (DD's pre-Christmas brass band schedule has been crazy!) and a bit of sport. DS has just finished mock GCSEs.

They should both do their own laundry.
They should both cook their own meal on Saturday evening.
They should both make an alternative meal, if they don't like the one I have made (I'm veggie and like spice; they're not:don't). They should both keep their rooms tidy and vac'ed.
I don't drink milk and refuse to be the person who goes out at 6.30 am to get more for breakfast when we run out, so they take turns (after much squabbling) to be milk monitor.

Note should.

DD does jobs - vac'ing the stairs, wiping down kitchen cupboards etc for extra pocket money.

DS is meant to feed the cat.

Daily chores, weekly chores, and 1 meal cooked at the weekend. Helping as and when in between, but none of this is onerous or gets in the way of homework, sport, or weekend job. They are expected to do their own laundry and keep their room tidy.

18&16yr old girls

Unstack the dishwasher most mornings
Dirty washing up goes straight into the dishwasher.
Feed the cats
Feed the dog
Walk the dog- split with everyone in the house
Keep own rooms tidy& hoovered

They will also clean the bathroom, cook meals & hoover the upstairs if asked.

Neither has a job,
Both in full time education, both do a volunteer role every week. Eldest is heavily involved in several music groups both in and out of school.