16th birthday party. Should I worry?

[GianinaC]

My daughter turns 16 next month and has asked for a party at the house.

Initially I said no, just all the potential problems, but speaking to a friend this evening, she feels I should. I have always done birthday events out of the house.

My daughter is quite sensible, although has her crazy overly excited moments.
So I'm not worried about her, I'm worried about it getting out of hand.

My friend suggested I make it clear the end time, max 20 guests and I go out. Yes they will drink alcohol, that's what happens at 16😬

Has anyone else done this? As her birthday is in November, most of her friends will still be 15.

I really want to do it, plus it will be cheaper, but I'm nervous.

What planet are you on?

Will you be home all evening? Don’t make any alcohol available at all. Have a wrap-up time when they must be collected. What can go wrong if you set these parameters? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Don’t buy them the alcohol as you’d be breaking the law and I bet one if the other kids parents will want to report you.

You are going to leave twenty 15 year olds in your house unsupervised drinking????

Wanna be the ‘cool’ mum

If i was her friends mum i would not be happy at all !!!

I wouldn't do it personally, I wouldn't want my house getting trashed! It's possible it would be ok, and also possible extra people could arrive and it could get out of control. This happened when I had a party at 15 - people brought other people with them and I didn't even enjoy it to be honest. They also brought alcohol. My son went to house parties at 16 and there was always drugs at them too.

If you do

1. dont buy booze 2 don't leave house but stay in bedroom

Of course I am not buying them alcohol, the point my friend was making was that it happens and is normal as it was a massive worry of mine. My rule would be none at all.

When DD was this age, just out of COVID I bought some fruit ciders and let the other parents know I was doing that. Loads of food ( bake at home pizzas, if you are feeling cheap or dominos if feeling flush) crisps, dips etc, plently of soft drinks. Half eleven or Midnight pick up.

Oh and take their coats off them as they come in.

This is what I worry about. Actually my sister had a party at 16 and it turned into a nightmare for my parents. I was only 7 and remember climbing over bodies (drunk not dead ones).

Maybe she could have small gathering, a baking scones party😀. Can she be 8 again, so much easier.

This.

My husband's son told him that he'd not want a party at his house - he'd seen too many houses being wrecked when he was a teenager.

That's what I was thinking, although I didn't think about the ciders. But the rest.

Did you stay at home?

No she wouldn't

Yes watched a film upstairs. Also should have said loads of soft drinks provided, our booze hidden (ideally locked up). But yesv. stressful, we got through it, she was 18 2 weeks ago.

Absolutely no way would I have a teenage party in my house. Ugh.

My cousin's 16th party got trashed by gatecrashers. Her Mum had gone to the pub up the road for the evening and left 15 of them alone for the party. She got a call from my cousin a couple of hours later, sobbing, so rushed home to find about 100 unknown drunk kids literally trashing her home. We're talking using cricket bats to volley china ornaments down the garden, boys pissing in the hallway, fag burns on the walls and piles of vomit everywhere. Word had got round and kids had travelled to the party. This was even before social media and trust me, word of a party travels further and faster nowadays.
If there's a party in your home, you need to be there. Stay upstairs with Netflix and a flask but you need to be on site in case things go wrong.

Is it 20 people you know? Could you compromise on 5 or 6 people st least that way you check let parents know there will be alcohol? Better there being 2 fruity ciders max each than a whole mix of drink from parents cupboards. With potentially spirits!

Thanks, after reading everything I am now thinking it's an insane idea.

But it's such a weird age and there isn't really anything available for them to go out and dance etc. So you are left with saying no, doing at home or hiring somewhere which costs a fortune.

I wouldnt know them all no, I think perhaps I will suggest your idea and make it smaller. Just thinking of 6 brings my stress down.

My DC had parties at that age without problem. Be strict with how many can come and write down their names in advance. Have a definite end time, make it clear that anyone who is vomiting needs to be collected immediately and make-sure DD conveys your rules. I provided alcohol and banned any spirits being brought in, I got fruity cider, lager and WKD. Remove all knives and anything sharp, stay upstairs and pop down every 45 minutes or so. I also provided a pizza delivery which enabled an extra visit downstairs. Have a bowl to hand for anyone sick (there will be one), recycling bin and keep your windows ajar so you can hear anything going on outside.

That age group have nowhere to go, far better they are in someone’s house rather than on a field with vodka.

Wow my poor son 😂 - his last birthday (17!), he had 5 or 6 friends, DH did bbq food (in Spring 🥶), no alcohol, movies, they toasted marshmallows on the bbq, played football in the garden in the dark, took turns on a scooter going down the hill, we stayed upstairs. They seemed to have fun 🤷‍♀️.

I can’t get over your friend trying to tell you to leave twenty 15 and 16 year olds unsupervised and drinking in your home - is she one of those “trying to be cool mums” that desperately want to be BFFs with their kids?

Karaoke room and the pizza,?
Escape room and pizza?
There must be something to do...
My two just don't enjoy parties at home - tried it once each but they were too worried about the house and didn't have a good time. 20 is way too many people. 8 max.
My rule until 18 was I wouldn't supply alcohol but if they wanted to bring it so be it.

The problem with this is it much more likely to be spirits which IME ( professional more than personal) is where it gets really messy. Yes my view was better at home with adults about than a park in the dark,wet and cold with spirits ( Dd is an October birthday) of course if your rising 16 is happy with cinema/bowling/ laser quest then great. Dd absolutely wouldn't have been, this was the best comprise- probably not perfect, but the house was mostly ok and no emergency services needed ( yes I have a low bar) so a win as far as I was concenred.

My son had a party at our house for his 16th. It was fine, we didn't have any issues. I have known others to not go so well though.

Of course she wouldn't be breaking the law!

But there's no way I would have ever let my daughter have a 16th birthday party at home. Whoever provides the alcohol, some of the friends will drink far too much, and it's far too easy for things to get out of hand quickly, loads of extra people turning up, and the house getting damaged.