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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16th birthday party. Should I worry?

69 replies

GianinaC · 27/10/2024 00:14

My daughter turns 16 next month and has asked for a party at the house.

Initially I said no, just all the potential problems, but speaking to a friend this evening, she feels I should. I have always done birthday events out of the house.

My daughter is quite sensible, although has her crazy overly excited moments.
So I'm not worried about her, I'm worried about it getting out of hand.

My friend suggested I make it clear the end time, max 20 guests and I go out. Yes they will drink alcohol, that's what happens at 16😬

Has anyone else done this? As her birthday is in November, most of her friends will still be 15.

I really want to do it, plus it will be cheaper, but I'm nervous.

OP posts:
CagneyNYPD1 · 27/10/2024 14:18

My ds is already 16, turning 17 in a few months. Next Saturday, he has asked to have 10 friends over - so a gathering rather than a party.

They can have 1 lager each and then alcohol free/ soft drinks. Pizzas, snacks etc. Pool table and x box.

They are a sensible lot and are all in Year 12 rather than year 11. Pick up is midnight.

I will not, under any circumstances, be leaving the house.

viques · 27/10/2024 14:26

I had a friend some years ago who hired a disco for her 17 yr olds birthday at home. They watched the disco guy set up his stuff but then asked him to leave when they saw he was putting a baseball bat behind the decks! He said he wasn’t risking having his equipment trashed by fucking kids, which was fair, but they responded that they didn’t want kids heads bashed in on their premises, so he could pack up and go.

They also changed their mind about going out for a quick meal down the pub that night, and stayed home instead.

loudbatperson · 27/10/2024 14:30

The usual round here is hiring the sports or community hall with a DJ for a 16th. They're licensed so no question of allowing underage drinking.

Coconutter24 · 27/10/2024 15:50

GianinaC · 27/10/2024 00:31

Of course I am not buying them alcohol, the point my friend was making was that it happens and is normal as it was a massive worry of mine. My rule would be none at all.

“My rule would be none at all.”

Well it’s your house so surely you make the rules?

StressedQueen · 27/10/2024 17:19

My twins will be having a house party with alcohol for their 16th birthday in December. But me and DH will both be in the house and our other children will be at their grandparents. We will definitely stay out of the way but want to be there anyway. The girls also attended a Halloween party with alcohol a few days ago and it was fine and only the mum was there then.

viques · 27/10/2024 17:54

StressedQueen · 27/10/2024 17:19

My twins will be having a house party with alcohol for their 16th birthday in December. But me and DH will both be in the house and our other children will be at their grandparents. We will definitely stay out of the way but want to be there anyway. The girls also attended a Halloween party with alcohol a few days ago and it was fine and only the mum was there then.

OK, I’ll bite. Why do you think your 16 year olds need to have alcohol to have fun?

TheSilkWorm · 27/10/2024 17:55

DS is 16 and went to a party last night. Parents were upstairs. One boy he knows still managed to get so drunk the parents had to call an ambulance. I never understand why parents allow parties! Saying that mine let me have one at home for my 18th. The only kid who got drunk and threw up was my 16 year old brother 😆

mamajong · 27/10/2024 18:00

DD 16 goes to house parties like this. Personally I'd never host one, but comfortable with DD going where I know the parents and am comfortable with the attendees

Beansandneedles · 27/10/2024 18:06

I was always the party host as a teenager, from about 15-18, because my parents went away a lot. We kinda knew we were onto a good thing and didn't want to ruin it so we were always meticulous with the cleanup. I have no idea how many we had over the years, more than a dozen.

Found out years later my parents knew about the parties (darn you recycling!!!) but the house was always cleaner than when they'd left it so all in all they decided to keep pretending to be clueless 😂

My nephew on the other hand had one party, invited a load of idiots, the house got trashed, they stole my mum's jewellery (he lived with my parents), parked like idiots so blocked the road for an ambulance which caused an absolute ruckus and also he did it whilst he was meant to be babysitting his 6 year old brother. It was BAD, and he was never left alone again.

Idk now how I'd feel being the hosting house as an adult. I'm way more inclined to think they'll all go the way of my nephew's rather than mine.

StressedQueen · 28/10/2024 12:20

viques · 27/10/2024 17:54

OK, I’ll bite. Why do you think your 16 year olds need to have alcohol to have fun?

Show quote history

I don't but they want it and I know that all of the house parties they've been to have had alcohol. It's for their birthday so yeah I'm agreeing to it.

bravefox · 28/10/2024 12:25

HarrietSchulenberg · 27/10/2024 00:45

My cousin's 16th party got trashed by gatecrashers. Her Mum had gone to the pub up the road for the evening and left 15 of them alone for the party. She got a call from my cousin a couple of hours later, sobbing, so rushed home to find about 100 unknown drunk kids literally trashing her home. We're talking using cricket bats to volley china ornaments down the garden, boys pissing in the hallway, fag burns on the walls and piles of vomit everywhere. Word had got round and kids had travelled to the party. This was even before social media and trust me, word of a party travels further and faster nowadays.
If there's a party in your home, you need to be there. Stay upstairs with Netflix and a flask but you need to be on site in case things go wrong.

This is the stuff of nightmares! Your poor cousin's family...

NeedToChangeName · 29/10/2024 09:50

HarrietSchulenberg · 27/10/2024 00:45

My cousin's 16th party got trashed by gatecrashers. Her Mum had gone to the pub up the road for the evening and left 15 of them alone for the party. She got a call from my cousin a couple of hours later, sobbing, so rushed home to find about 100 unknown drunk kids literally trashing her home. We're talking using cricket bats to volley china ornaments down the garden, boys pissing in the hallway, fag burns on the walls and piles of vomit everywhere. Word had got round and kids had travelled to the party. This was even before social media and trust me, word of a party travels further and faster nowadays.
If there's a party in your home, you need to be there. Stay upstairs with Netflix and a flask but you need to be on site in case things go wrong.

That's terrifying. To be fair, unusual to have such a terrible experience, but just shows what can happen

At 15 / 16, I'd stay in the house in a separate room

Pizza, popcorn, soft drinks only, karaoke machine

Maximum 15 / 20 people. Ask for a list of names. You want to know who's coming. Be on the door to welcome the guests and take their coats (in case alcohol in pockets). Tell your DD to warn people that if their name isn't on the list, you won't allow them in the house

Finish at 10.30pm

My DS is a little older. He actually prefers the parties where there are strict parameters about what's allowed, who will be going, what time the party finishes etc. Some of the worst parties have involved drunk / emotional girls drama

ScaryGrotbag · 29/10/2024 09:53

I spontaneously held a party for my friends son post GCSE results. 28 of them plus my friend and our kids. In my small two bed cottage. Yes they drank, but personally I don't have an issue with that. They were all super polite, we had a great night, mix of music was fabulous. By the end my friend and I were teaching the remaining few how to waltz! A bit a trust goes a long way.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/10/2024 10:48

StressedQueen · Yesterday 12:20

viques · 27/10/2024 17:54
OK, I’ll bite. Why do you think your 16 year olds need to have alcohol to have fun?

I don't but they want it and I know that all of the house parties they've been to have had alcohol. It's for their birthday so yeah I'm agreeing to it

Are you in the UK? Isn’t it illegal to buy alcohol for children?

Original poster
GianinaC · 29/10/2024 12:54

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/10/2024 10:48

StressedQueen · Yesterday 12:20

viques · 27/10/2024 17:54
OK, I’ll bite. Why do you think your 16 year olds need to have alcohol to have fun?

I don't but they want it and I know that all of the house parties they've been to have had alcohol. It's for their birthday so yeah I'm agreeing to it

Are you in the UK? Isn’t it illegal to buy alcohol for children?

It's not illegal for kids to drink alcohol in a private residence.

In England, Scotland, and Wales, it's legal for children aged 5–17 to drink alcohol at home or in other private settings. However, the UK's Chief Medical Officers recommend that children avoid alcohol until at least age 15, and that children aged 15–18 only drink very small amounts, no more than once a week

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 29/10/2024 12:55

Bloody hell.

BobbyBiscuits · 29/10/2024 12:59

I'd say you and some mates could base yourselves at a very local pub/restaurant or even a neighbours house. Just so you're close by and can kind of monitor the situation. Like you can get back there in 5-10 mins if anything happens.
The only worry is lots more kids than expected turning up. But as you say she's sensible I'm sure it will be fine.
I'd make a no spirits rule though. Not sure how hard it can be enforced but if you're supplying booze make sure it's only fairly low alcohol.
And it may get ignored but make sure there's plenty of food for them to line their stomachs.

Lunarexplorer · 01/11/2024 16:18

We had a 16th party here recently. We had a load of rules- including limited numbers, must have names, no plus ones, and my number had to be shared with parents. We did not provided any alcohol but knew some would come so said absolutely no spirits. We also stayed in the house upstairs, popped our heads in periodically and provided loads of carb laden food- and then topped up with more pizza around 9pm! One person had too much- I dealt with that- but the rest were sensible- and even tidied up at the end.
So in short, limited numbers, names and clear parameters. And definitely stay in the house!

Cynic17 · 01/11/2024 16:36

Let them have alcohol, because they will anyway and it's absolutely not "against the law".
But do stay in.... ideally, in your room upstairs with a friend or partner, and patrol the house occasionally.
Provide lots of food like pizza or hot dogs, coz they'll get hungry.
Have lots of taxi numbers available to get them all home.

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