To allow DD to buy a car?

[NimbleFish]

Frequent lurker on here but yet to post so sorry for any errors.

DD (17, 18 nxt week) desperately wants a car, DH strongly opposes. We do live very rural- no access to any public transport, about 20 min drive to nearest town , plus 1 hour bus to get to college town for DD, so I do understand her frustration. She is currently insured on my car which I do try and allow her to use when possible but obviously schedule conflicts happen with my work/ taxi-ing younger siblings.

DD has part time job, has paid for her driving lessons , passed test and has saved up around 1k (from job and Christmas / birthday money) to buy a car. DH won’t allow as says waste of her money as she can drive mine/ get lifts, and we will have to pick up shortfall when car problems inevitably occur, which we don’t have the money for. Or she will spend all her money on car and we will have to cover extras for her elsewhere etc. DD insists she will pay for any issues with car/ all her expenses but is only paid minimum wage so not sure if that’s realistic.

DD is increasingly upset at feeling isolated (her words, she does see friends at school + work) and sick of long commute (would be about 30 min drive so fair comment). She has no plans to attend uni next year and will be going full time with her job so says she will absolutely need car for that but DH still insistent on our car share continuing (which frankly sounds awful to me as we will be working opposite hours with her in a hospo job) .

DD is overall a good/ responsible kid but DH skeptical of teen drivers generally. IMO he doesn’t want her driving off without knowing where she is going.
That was longer than I expected so thanks to anyone who got through it all.
They are both absolutely unable to find a truce and this is a daily argument at this point so an outsiders take would be appreciated.

Well your DH is wrong in principle. She has saved the money herself, is not asking him to pay and has very solid reasons for wanting her own transport.
I would however be quite surprised if that £1000 can get her anywhere close to what it’s actually going to cost have a reasonably sad car and keep it on the road. Insurance alone will probably be more than that whole budget.!

If her father continues to be that controlling you can expect her to move out when she can afford to - and when she is working full time that will be sooner than you think.

Put your foot down and tell him that dd is getting her car. It isn’t even about the car as such, it’s the controlling undertone of dh that I wouldn’t stand for.

Her choice as an adult

And what about when she does buy her car and needs help? Maybe it breaks down and she needs one of you to come and be with her while Breakdown arrives...he has made it all such an issue, she won't reach out for the support when she really needs it!

Sorry OP but I think your DH is being a bit of a knob! She is an adult very very shortly and his attempts to stunt her independence will only backfire on him!

Your DH is unreasonable saying she can’t buy one, but I’d be sitting down with her and working out her finances. £1k isn’t going to get her a car plus insurance. If she / you can manage, she might be better sharing your car until the end of the school year while saving up more.

Although I’d help her out with the car / insurance if I could afford to, given how rurally you live. Not sure from what you’ve said that your DH would go for that, though,

Having grown up in a very rural area with the distances/travel time you describe I have to say the greatest thing i ever did was learn to drive. I was lucky in that my parents had kept an old car going for me to use until I could afford my own. Without it, I would have had a lengthy commute to college and couldn't have got to my weekend job.
By not allowing her to buy her own car (which really isn't up to him if she is paying for everything herself) your DH is seriously restricting your DD's independence, freedom and opportunities. Is that maybe what the issue is? That she's growing up?