Phones, would this work?

Wellbeige · 05/10/2024 21:57

It’s unlikely to work as she’ll be left out.

she won’t be able to be part of group chats to make arrangements.

it’s such a double edged sword.

my teenagers just found ways round the rules.

also mine need smartphones for their bus tickets and Apple Pay. Sad but true.

i KNOW people will say ‘they can use cash/get a paper ticket/ call their mates’ etc but the genie is out of the bottle. I’d advise smart phone with restrictions and careful monitoring.

since1986 · 05/10/2024 22:06

ShillyShallySherbet · 05/10/2024 16:01

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Eldest DD is only 10 and isn’t asking for a phone yet but I know the time will soon come. I really want to get it right so she’s not a social outcast but also I don’t want her addicted to her smartphone. This is my plan…

When she’s 11 and in last year of primary school get her a basic phone so she can call and text message us and her friends but she can’t download apps or search on the internet and see dodgy things. She can (and already does) have access to a family iPad that she can use in family areas at home, not her bedroom, where we can keep an eye on what she’s looking at. This is unrestricted at the moment and hasn’t been a problem, as she gets older we might need to restrict it a bit.

As parents of teenagers tell me, am I totally naive? Is this going to work? Tell it to me straight and please pass on any tips on how you manage your teenagers and their phones.

In my son's yeargroup we are planning on having an amnesty. On the basis that if no one has a smart phone, then no one is left out. I doubt it'll work because of other kids from out of school activities having them but 🤷🏼‍♀️ worth a shot.

Zanatdy · 05/10/2024 22:08

Agree that smart phones are needed in some areas for travel, i guess it depends on your area. I think once in secondary she will start asking as socialising is done on smart phones and ultimately its a way of life now for teens. Best thing would be to monitor it, you can get apps to block certain things, and approve any apps added. Can also put limits on screen time. Have her plug in to charge downstairs at a certain time and make it clear you will be checking it

BlouseyBrownMalone · 05/10/2024 22:09

I think it's almost worse giving her a phone that she can't have apps on. They don't text each other because texting costs money whereas Snapchat and WhatsApp are free and it doesn't matter what network you are on or what kind of phone you have.

It's better to make sure she really understands what she can and can't do online and have a level of trust.

waterrat · 05/10/2024 23:34

I really think it's worth a try. I have a 12 year old and once you give the smart phone it's so hard to go back on it and they just want more more more in terms of apps

There is a very good app called qustudio that allows you to completely control a phone

I have found whatsaoo fairly harmless for teens in fact so harmless my son says its very uncool and most kids prefer snapchat which I di suggest you hold off on as long as possible

Original poster

ShillyShallySherbet · 06/10/2024 08:30

Thank you, I don’t see a problem with her using WhatsApp, she often uses it on my phone to send messages to family

We have an old iPhone so another thing I’m thinking is getting a SIM card for that and she can almost use it like a family phone, so she has to ask to use it but all she can do is make calls and send messages on WhatsApp. She can give her number to her friends so they think it’s her phone. She can take it out if she’s going somewhere she might need to contact us.

OP posts:

JustKeepSwimmingJust · 06/10/2024 08:33

If you get her a basic phone at first you can always trade up. If at first all she needs is texting then no point giving her all the other options.

Bonus: the basic phone is in a drawer with an optional consequence of going back to it.

Original poster

ShillyShallySherbet · 06/10/2024 08:36

What I really don’t want is to cut her off from her friends but I also want to keep her innocence and keep home as a safe place where only her friends can contact her. Mobile phones weren’t a thing in my teens but I used to take the cordless phone into my room and talk to my friends for hours after school. I have no problem with that. But it’s everything else you can now do with a phone that worries me.

OP posts:

TootieeFruitiee · 06/10/2024 08:41

Yep my eldest had a very basic phone from 10 to 13 years. Worked well as she could contact in emergencies and text good friends. She was happy with this and ten years later is still not really into phones despite now owning a flashy phone.

The younger ones had phones with parental controls (family link) so we can allow them select apps and a certain amounts of phone time. This worked well too but takes more parental coordination.

bergamotorange · 06/10/2024 08:49

ShillyShallySherbet · 06/10/2024 08:36

What I really don’t want is to cut her off from her friends but I also want to keep her innocence and keep home as a safe place where only her friends can contact her. Mobile phones weren’t a thing in my teens but I used to take the cordless phone into my room and talk to my friends for hours after school. I have no problem with that. But it’s everything else you can now do with a phone that worries me.

It's ok to be worried and it's ok to make different choices with phones.

What has happened with smartphones and teens is a real shame. It's really having big impacts on general happiness and concentration for many kids, before you get to the really grim things that can happen.

Without a smartphone, kids don't have the good and bad aspects. You can try one way and change it later.

Be open with your DD about why, and if you do give a smartphone do not give as a gift - it is a tool she has access to If she can't cope, as an adult you are in charge.

Your old phone at home was not yours - I bet if you'd been talking to a man at 2am your parents would have blocked access.

Runskiyoga · 06/10/2024 09:12

You could hold off giving it until just before year 7 (year 6 WhatsApp groups can be a nightmare). I think more parents will be trying to make different choices, you could follow some of the campaigns. Any way you can reliably restrict late night/evening use completely until much later teens would be a bonus.

justfornow1 · 06/10/2024 10:59

Just re school, ours have their timetables, homework etc all on apps. It's become the norm for them to work this way.

Social arrangements made on WhatsApp/snapchat, including group calls/video calls.

It's hard to stay away from once they get to high school. Very difficult to navigate.

JustKeepSwimmingJust · 06/10/2024 16:26

Ours is a phone-free school. That was an element in its favour. So therefore the system doesn’t expect access to smartphones during the teaching day.

Homework does need IT access, but a computer works for that.

Flibbertyjibberty · 12/10/2024 21:26

My son just started year seven so he's not a teenager either but he wanted a phone and I got him a Nokia 3310 with no internet for his first phone. I've found it a good compromise- he's given his number to a few good friends and they can text or call if they're meeting up, plus he can ring me if he wants collecting from somewhere. Pretty sure he hasn't felt left out by not having WhatsApp etc, I've explained why not and said he can do that when he's older. He's accepted that now although we have been discussing this for a couple of years! But I would defo try basic phone and see how it goes, I've been pleasantly surprised. I know of an 11 year old girl who recently saw hardcore porn thanks to being added to a random 'add everyone you know' whatsapp group! Why risk it?