SAH Mums of teenagers

[Muzzy]

Hi, has anyone else found that it's harder to combine full time work with being a parent when your child gets to secondary school than when they were younger - more help / supervision of homework etc?

i certainly wonder where i am going to fit it all in. i know teachers have to do what they have to for the sake of the children and deep down i know they are parents and some must be parents of more than one child. still i get the "how the hell am i supposed to" feeling quite often with one in senior school and two in junior and the juniors have projects weekly and homework for weekends too and the senior has homework too and after a days work it takes a lot of effort to seem interested. lets face it most people are back from work about 6ish - then there is the evening meal - maybe 7 ish, then school uniforms to do - and tomorrows work clothes and bathtime and homework for three kids, in theory the only tv programme i should see is graham norton at 10pm nightly. yes its very hard - and if i could i would only work tue wed thurs, that gives me most of the week to catch up with the kids homework , plays, discos, cubs, brownies or any other hobby, parents evenings, swimming, going to friends houses, birthday parties - oh and evening meetings for work! so yeah muzzy its very hard isnt it! if i only knew.......

WOW

Looks like you gals are really into this help with the homework bit.

I didn't realise that so much was expected of the juniors these days and from what I can recall of my dim and distant pass it seems that more must be expected of the seniors as I rarely had to ask my parents for help doing the homework I was set.

I am now dreading DD going to school.

I wonder if parents help far too much with homework. I never got help unless totally desperate, and I think schools suggest older children do their homework alone. I certainly couldn't bear doing homework every night as an adult!

I have a 14 (Y10) and a 17 (Y13) and while I do feel privileged not to have to work FT, and to be here when they get home, their homework is their affair...I mean they get a lot of "have you got any homework?" and "get off that playstation if you haven't done your homework!!!" but if they don't do it the consequences are their affair - I would never have dreamt of interfering or trying to help. If they don't do it and get bollocked as a consequence, well, tough.

My Y5 doesn't get any that I know of (???) and if he did he would be on his own. DO NOT HELP! IT IS THEIR PROBLEM!!!!

janh, as a mother of a year 11 doing his GCSE's next summer, who doesn't so ANY work, I agree with you totally, it's his problem!

DD on the other hand frets that she isn't getting high enough marks, just got 95% in her first Maths A level module today. She's doing it in a year, I said a B will be plenty good enough, she said it might be good enough for me but not for her! I cpouldn't even begin to understand what she is doing let alone help her!

I don't do any course work, or homework, it is their own responsibility, I even told DS's house master that I will never help DS with his course work as it is supposed to be all his own work, not mine and he was shocked!

Children must have encouragment to do their homework not for their parents to do it for them. The work is the child's affair but parents have to take some responsiblity in making sure it is done. Schools need home backup. Many parents complain about lack of homework but to little to help the child get into the pattern of working alone.
I have no problem with parents helping to explain the work but the work should be their own. How else is a teacher to know what a child does or does not understand? If the child is stuck they should be able to see the teacher for help.
Alibubbles perhaps your DS would benefit from a daily h/w report card. The older boys find it a good excuse to to work and they don't lose face infront of their mates. A couple even insisted on staying on report when I tried to take them off!

I have to admit that I always thought the best idea for doing homework was to do it at school. Many a lunch hour was nicely taken up by me rattling off a bit of homework early so I could have my evening free.

I have also heard of the idea of homework clubs where the children stay at school later than normal and do their homework then (or at least some of it) but I don't know of any schools local to me that do it. Personally I think it is a good idea.

Lollypop. DS has a homework diray that we have to sign everyweek and it is checked by form tutor. I also speak regularly with house master and he has no reports of missed deadlines. If he misses a homework he gets and immediate lunchtime detention and after three of those an after school and then a saturday. I think he does enough to keep out of trouble.

We even have to give a specimen signature at the front of it so Ds can't forge it!!

Don't get me wrong, when I say I don't so anything to help, I am actually in the room with DS whilst he is doing it, as both computers are also in there and I can surf at the same time) I do answer questions and tell him where to look things up and remind him of maths formulas etc.

I have one in Year 4 (ds) and one in Year 1 (dd)and both get homework - dd does not get much, a few worksheets connected to her book which she has to read, some spellings to learn and a maths sheet each week - she is at the age when all her homework has to have me sitting with her to point her in the right direction. Ds gets a bit more, reading and composition, book reviews, spellings, mental maths, science projects etc. About half of this he will do completely on his own (after mucho nagging from Mum) and the other half I help him with - my help includes, giving him advise on how to plan what he is writing, asking him relevant questions about a book or whatever and just letting him bounce his ideas off me - rather than me actually doing his homework with him - I find that it is difficult enough now and I hope that it will be easier on me (harder on the kids) when they get older and I (hopefully) will not have to remember what has to be handed in by when - I also work full time and I find it a nightmare to fit homework into my already tight schedule plus the other things that custardo mentions - but we do don't we!!!!

To be perfectly honest, as a (not currently teaching) secondary teacher, it is pretty obvious when parents are helping/doing it for them, and I mark down appropriately. Parents doing to much is no help at all. Supervision I think it important (I know exactly how much time my 16 yr old sister spends surfing when she is supposed to be doing HW as she is on MSN to me a good bit of the time) but helping often just backfires.

I don't mind helping with homework - but just worried that I am not up to it!! DS is only 20 months so plenty of time yet but neighbours children came for a sleepover last week & asked for some help with their geography homework - I couldn't even understand the question! (I do have a geography O level - shows my age!) - how are we meant to keep up with it, I'm dreading the maths!

lol lindy - i know what you mean. i struggle with the maths, good job dh is a maths superstar. i agree with janh too, but unless i sit at the table they dont do it. then they have to stay in at playtime, and honestly my youngest son never does his homework - and i did think - oh well he will get shouted at school and will do it in future, but he doesnt. what is funny is when they get their marks for their homework. i remember doing a bookreview with them and helping them in drawing a front cover for it and glueing backing on and cellotaping things and cutting stuff out so it looked good. now i thought it looked the biz, however they only got a "c+" - i was gutted!!

Does anyone else think younger kids get too much homework? My oldest is in year 6, but has been coming home from school with homework up to her ears for about 2 years. And my year one daughter is comng home with stuff every day too! I tend to feel that at this age they have them at school for 6 hours to teach , so why can't they fit it all in then? Apologies to all teachers out there, I know it's not of your doing!

Oh, yes, Lou33, I totally agree with you. My dd is in Yr2 (should be in Yr 1) and gets two books a night to read and spellings plus assorted maths/English/project homeworks to do during the week. One of their suggestions was that parents made up crosswords for their children using the current week's spelling list. Yeah, right!!

But, to be fair to dd's teacher, she isn't worried if it doesn't all get done. Dd is at a school with a high percentage of Chinese/Korean families who demand lots and lots of homework for their children so the teachers have to oblige them as well. What a balancing act to have to perform, I don't envy them.

One of the major reasons for giving homework is so the children can practise the skills they learnt in class in a different environment. That way it becomes easier for the teacher to see whether or nt the student has absorbed the concepts. Too often children in class have strategies to make it look as though they understand something - keeping quiet in class, sitting next to a brighter student etc. Homework shows up these weaknesses.

It's one of those revelation moments when you start teaching when you realise that students have very short memories. You can plan an exciting lesson, the students enjoy it and show understanding at the end, and when you come to build on the concepts the next day, they all look at you with blank faces, having forgotten absolutly everything in the space of 24 hours. Hence the homework, it's a way of making sure they remember things from one day to the next. It's not that we're sadistic work machines who demand too much from overworked students. Marking homework is a major pain. If I didn't have to I wouldn't give any at all.

I'm amazed anyone would ask for more homework for their kids. They must be stark, staring mad. I think homework is dreadful. It is totally wrong for tinies (pre-11) and I think wrong for older kids too. It is unfair to kids who don't have interested parents, access to books (& net etc) at home and a quiet place to work. They will always be disadvantaged in a way they won't be at school. I think if schools don't think they have enough tiem to teach during the school day, then children should have a 30 minute to one hour period at the end of the day just for homework, somewhere in school where they have access to the library etc. Then they would be able to have free evenings and weekends in which they could relax, have fun, be with their families and go on trips etc. After all, we think something must be wrong when adults bring work home, so why is it OK for kids? Down with homework! Up with family life!

aloha, I agree. I think tagging lots of homework onto the end of the day, causing children to work for perhaps a further two hours at home is creating a bad work ethic. If it cannot be done 'in the office' then the time management needs to be looked at.

I have this view because I used to work in a very smooth-running office where everyone rolled up at 9am and out at 5pm except in exceptional circumstances. We all took a lunch break and got on with our work, together with a reasonable amount of chat. There weresix of us in the office

Suddenly someone new was transferred in and one of the staff out. New person was 'Mr Visible' - got to be seen to be there. Arrived 7am, left 7pm. One of the previously sane members of the team started competing and it gradually fell apart, even more so when we got a new boss. In their wisdom they decided to take on more tasks for the staff and it was when I found myself leaving at 8pm every night I resigned.

To get back to the original point, I would rather see tasks completed at school, during the course of a normal working day.

Aloha you go girl!

I HATE the stress homework puts me under. It's hard to balance 4 kids, physio, feeding them, cleaning, washing etc with something that quite frankly is boring. I have yet to see any homework that makes my kids actually want to do it. All it does is raise my stress levels to breaking point, and dd1 to tears , when after 5 hours I am still telling her to sit and do her homework ( not that she can't do it but she doesn't want to because she has been working hard all week). Those rare days of no homework are a joy, everyone actually smiles!

And is it only me who has noticed that my age group (mid 30's) never had homework at this age, yet the younger generation (that makes me sound like my mum doesn't it?) is bombarded with it and still comes out of school seemingly unable to spell, write, read properly, but does a very good version of sullen incomprehension, when asked a question in their place of work? Toys R Us springs to mind as a great place to meet lobotomised teens.

Lou33,
I am a student teacher, as well as a mum, and I have been surprise dat how little time you have the children in the class. Like you I thought they were in class about 6 hours. I did a month in a secondary school. The children are in class for 4 hours and 40 minutes ( 4 double lessons). Out of that you can cut at least 5 minutes a lesson, if not 10 to get them into the class, sitting down, making sure they all have pens etc. And that is with a good class who are not very disruptive. Then you can factor in losing children to other activities, such as sports days, geography days, self respect initiatives etc. All worth while stuff, that kids should do, but you still have to get through the national curriculum. You also lose days to testing, at the end of every topic and module, preparation for the KS tests. It is amazing how little time you have to teach them anything. I'm not moaning, as I have found the work very rewarding. But the problems are caused by the shear volume of work the children have to do for the NC.

Sorry, nappy to do...... So I had to cut the posting short. But I do sympathise with you over the effect homework has on home life. I have to set it in school, but wish it wasn't necessary.

I think that a post-school homework session for over 11s of 30-60 minutes would eliminate a lot of these problems. Kids would leave school at, say 4.30 or 5pm and be FREE! Also, more helpful for working mothers with less time to worry about post school childcare. There is no reason or excuse for homework for under 11s IMO. I didn't get it, nor did anyone I know of my age (late 30s). Poor mites got to bed at 7 - 7.30 yet have to fit in work/food/play/wind-down after school. It's not right.

The school I was working in had an after school homework club. That way the kids can get access to computers etc which they might not have at home. The computer rooms are also open at break times, and lunch time. The children all still make a beeline for the buses at 3, and then moan about doing homework I don't think the schools can win with this one! Part of the problem seems to be that some students want everything o be 'fun' and find it very hard to concentrate if it is not. You can only do so much to make some topics fun ! And in general lessons are far more interesting now than they were when I was at school (boy, does that last bit make me sound old!!)

Aloha I think we could type each other's posts they are so in tune! Hmb I understand what you are saying, but my girls are not yet at secondary school, being only 10 and almost 6, and I don't think they tend to waste as much time at that age as the older ones do. I wouldn't complain so much if the homework was even interesting, but if I was the one doing it I would chew my arm off to avoid it myself. And if I have to hear anything more about WW2 then I am going to scream.

I don't think it's any less interesting than when I was at school really, but then again I never got homework until 11 when I went to secondary school. We are adults much longer than we are children I just don't see why we have to take all the fun away so soon.

My school (before I left to be SAHM) had a homework club, and so I knew the nights on which I was expected to provide about 45 mins worth of Geog homework. Worked very well.
I think a major factor in all of this seems to be the NC and SATS. We don't have these in Scotland, and things seem to be far more relaxed! Hoooray!

Yay, Aloha, Lou33!! I especially agree about the standards issue. Susanmt, I also agree with you about the difference between the Scots and English systems. I'm finding it really hard to deal with the English system - as I'm trying to get to grips with it I have this constant message running through my head - 'Yes, but what does it all mean, what's it all for? How is this improving my child's chances in life?'

Personally, I think the opportunity to do other things outside school is mind broadening and leads to a much more rounded person. It's noticeable that the Korean/Chinese etc children in dd's school have considerably fewer social skills and are emotionally less mature than the children who aren't hothoused.