SAH Mums of teenagers

[Muzzy]

Hi, has anyone else found that it's harder to combine full time work with being a parent when your child gets to secondary school than when they were younger - more help / supervision of homework etc?

Muzzy I have been thinking the same, that the children almost need you to be there more when they get to secondary school, than at Primary.
I agree with Aloha that primary children shd have less not more, luckily mine dont get much but ds1 starts sec school in Sept so I expect that will all change. Its more the social/support side that I think I will be needed for, he will be so tired after a long day and probably a journey and I really want myself or dh to be there for him most days, at least, so he can talk, relax, hang out and just be at home, never mind the homework!
I'm certainly not planning to help him directly with homework, but will try to encourage and remind him.

Oh I know the balancing act - in Australia where i taught for a number of years - homework within the subject area i taught was mainly finishing reading, classwork ( if they wasted their time) or doing work on their assignments which they also had a lot of time to complete in class. In the UK there is an incredible amount of pressure on teachers to give homework - then mark it as well as doing the day to day preparation and assignment marking. I tended to set them some revision, reading or assignment work ( But I was rare - a lot of teachers set extensive homework nightly.) Parents always commented to me ont he apparent lack of homework I tended to give. GCSE students rarely got nightly homework but they were expected in my class to do revision and reading to prepare for their exams or finish coursework.

As this thread has been revived by Eidsvold, I wanted to ask any of you parents of teenagers about your experience of long journeys to school on public transport. We are in London and are lucky that ds has had several offers of places for Sept at good state schools. The favourite (ours and his) is a lovely school, which will automatically take his siblings, but entails an hour long journey (bus/train/walk). He could do it with other children we know but will have to leave the house before 7.30 every day. Do you think this is just too much? I feel that it possibly is, but he's not fazed by the idea and dh thinks its not an issue.

Sorry, perhaps I should have started a new thread as I've gone right off the subject. Never sure whats best.

I had to do this when I was a kid. I think I did find it a bit of a drag at times, esp in the winter when it got dark early. However, I was usually with friends, so the journey was quite a social event each day (met my first boyfriend on the train! - is this reassuring?!) I didn't mind getting up early, my Dad always woke me up on time and gave me a lift to the station on his way to work, so this helped. It did mean I had to do my homework later in the evening, plus I made a lot of friends at school who didn't live very nearby. I think there are pros and cons - does your ds get tired easily? It did make it a long day away from home every day.

Thinking about it, I wouldn't really want my children to have to do this, because it's an added burden to your school life. Sorry if I've said the wrong thing or not been very reassuring, it's just my own experience. How does your ds feel about it? Good luck!

I've no personal experience of this, soyabean, but know of children who have to leave home quite a bit earlier than that and manage fine.

As you are all happy about the school and he is not bothered about the journey I should think your biggest problem will be making sure he catches the initial bus, plus he will probably be extra tired for the first few weeks. (But the journey home might help him unwind from his day too.)

Make sure his bag is packed (with everything!) the night before and his uniform laid out too (especially the tie, we waste more time looking for ties than anything else.) (In fact get a couple of spares!)

HTH....

I had this kind of journey as a teenager. Left home at 7.45am, walked 15 mins to bus stop, stood freezing half to death waiting for school bus which was often late. If it was early and I'd missed it, I had to walk ten minutes back along my route to get another bus, which would then mean a 20 min walk at the other end instead of dropping me outside school.

I hated it so much that we have DD in a school which is five minutes walk away and if we change her school at 11yo, I would move house to be closer, rather than subject her to such a journey.

The worst bits were:

• the cold
• having to carry sports kit/cookery basket/anything in addition to normal schoolbag
• the unpredictability of the time the bus turned up

Anyway, have hated commuting ever since and done everything I can to avoid it.

Sorry - doesn't help. Maybe men are better at this sort of thing.

When I went to grammar school from my village as most of the girls did, we had to travel 25 miles. Wlak in the dark to the bus for bus at 6.55 to local station, train into mainline Brighton, change trains for another and then a 15 minute walk and the reverse in the evening. We had to run like hell for the afternoon train, because if we missed it the next one was 30 minutes later and didn;'t tie up with the bus to the village.

We were called the 'train girls', we loved it and I have fond memories of travelling in the guards van, and one of the guards was the first black man I had ever met, who used to buy us sweets, let us blow the whistle, wave the flag, and start the train and also let us( horror of horrors) sit on his lap on the guards chair!! He was a wonderful gentle giant. It was all totally innocent, but would you let your kids do that now!!

My 6yr old and I leave for school at 7.25 each morning, although it's always warm as we live abroad. At her last school we left home at 9.35, so the new time was a bit of a shock, to begin with, but once you get into a routine, it's fine. Some of the children here leave home at 6.30am, even though they are as young as 4 or 5. I think I would definitely struggle with that one - I mean, it's still night-time, isn't it?!?

I had quite a long journey to senior school myself, 25min walk, 20 min train ride, another 25 min walk at the other end. I don't think it bothered me that much, except on freezing, windy days - all the senior schools were a long trip of some sort, so there was no choice. The 'home' end of my journey was usually on my own as no one else lived in the area and not having friends close by was a bit of a pain. However, I actually rather liked being by myself, mulling things over and unwinding. I went along suburban roads and a park and in those days, when you could talk to strangers, I got to know quite a lot of the people who lived in the roads (as well as the neighbourhood dogs and cats!) over the years. I look back on that daily ritual quite fondly, in fact.

Alibubbles
you did by any chance go to Hove Grammar, did you? Getting off at Aldrington Halt? With the fearsome Miss Brown and her stress on the community? Because I did too!

Copper. fancy that!! I lived in Hurstpierpoint. Yes Miss Brown Miss Burrows, Miss Royle and the rest. Loved being a train girl, when were you there?

This will take some counting on my fingers ... 1967-1963. I was in Y

Whhops, 1973. No, I was a Hove girl - but all you train girls used to get sent home early in bad weather.

I was there from 69 -73 then we moved to Berkshire. I was Y too!

There were some nice teachers who understood about train girls and used to let us out 5 minutes early, some just used to deliberately keep us in.

Are on the friends reuntited site? Did you have any sisters there as well. I knew a few girls in your year, Anna Barry, Liz Meyer, Suzanne Mackie, Paulene Stone, Judith Barnard, Judy Buck to name a few

I remember some of them. How about other train girls - Anna Thaw, Alison Harker, Penny someone were in my year. I'm not on Friends Reunited but my sister is, from about 6 years later (and she's a brilliant childminder too!). Small world ...

Copper, I have a whole school photo april 1971 on the wall in the office, you must be there somewhere!!!

Thanks all of you for your thoughts on this. My secondary school experience was in a small town where evryone went to the same school and it was 10 mins walk away. Life in London in 2003 just isnt like that, so he will have a journey of some kind wherever he goes.
Caroline5, he doesn't generally get tired easily, and there is a group of nice children of various ages to travel with, I know they all consider it the highlight of the day, a social event as you said.
Janh thanks for the two ties tip..sounds like a very good idea
SueW I know what you mean. My children are at Primary school 10 mins away and its fantastic, all their friends live within 10 mins and there is a real community feeling. I wouldnt dream of having them anywhere that involved a drive or bus journey. But secondary school is different just because the nearest schools are church schools which excludes us, the nearest community school we just dont feel confident about, and the next nearest community school is so popular that he is 260 on the waiting list altho its only a mile away...So no chance there.
I am hoping that friends living further afield is less of an issue than it would be for small children.
SueW and alibubbles, your comments are similar to those of my friends who did have long journeys themselves, unlike me. I guess cold mornings can be horrible, but travelling with the 'train gang' can be a positive thing.
Glad you have got a friends reunited thing going here!

Hi, I have just joined this site. I have 3 daughters: 16,(year 11, 13,(year8) and 11,(year6). Homework is not just the childrens problem, I feel that by refusing to help children manage their homework parents could end up with very frustrated children Children need encoragement and we will always help if we are asked. This doesn't mean doing it 4 them, but suggesting ways that would help them. My 11 year old has Dyspraxia if we didn't give her any help at all then she would probably not get her homework done. we dont do the work for her, but just take her through it. The other 2 do their work themselves, but knoe we are here 4 them if they get stuck. The older children sometimes get lunch passes, which means they can do thier home work during the lunch hour. Homework help does not have to full on one parent,I know if your are a single parent then it is harder 4 ytou. But all commitments can be hard work i I work part time and my husband works full, we both have other commitments during the week we both take responsability 4 our children

wjlowe2
I'm not looking forward to September - ds1 is going up to secondary school, lots more homework on top of dyslexia 'homework'. I'm trying to save as much holdiay as possible to use as flexi-leave in his first term to help him get organised - but it means no real summer holiday as I just don't have the time to take off work. General moan time: no holiday, no time to take off work, no money to spend - and I know I'll have a resentful ds not appreciatiating my 'nagging' in the autumn. Does anybody know how to be helpful without 'nagging'?

I have got a job since last writing on this thread and am concerned about how much I'll be able to help/support ds1 when he goes to secondary school in september. Hes going to be exhausted I think. (On the bright side, I may have less of a problem getting him to go to bed). Dp works evenings and anyway English is his second language and he didnt do a lot at school so is not really in a position to help much, so I know it will all fall to me. Yes, helping without nagging is soo hard isnt it? I suppose the thing is to help with having everything ready so that it is easy for them to do the work, rather than actually always being there while they do it. (Like eating early so he has time, having a table or desk clear and books etc available, not too much noise etc)I have rarely had to help him with the minimal homework he has had at Primary school, but cant beleive it will be such plain sailing next year.

am sure there are study techniques galore out there soya bean, we find no telly until 7pm is the best. this way no distraction - they do homework and its first to get it done and right gets to play out the longest!