Worried about DS – found messages with a much older woman online, advice needed!

[MammyBear5]

I’m feeling really shaken and don’t know how to handle this, so I thought I’d come here for some advice. My DS (16) is autistic, and while he’s very bright, he can be quite socially vulnerable and naïve. I was checking his phone recently (with his knowledge – we have an agreement in place), and I stumbled across messages between him and a much older woman. She’s 45, married, and lives in a completely different part of the country.
At first, I thought it was just friendly chat, but as I read more, I became really concerned. She’s been telling him how much she cares about him and that he “understands her” in ways others don’t. She’s even taken up wrestling – his favourite hobby – and she’s told him she loves him. DS seems quite invested in the relationship and has been messaging her a lot. From what I’ve seen, it doesn’t appear to be anything inappropriate in the sexual sense, but the emotional connection feels off, especially considering the age difference.
I’m really worried about the impact this is having on him, and I’m not sure how to handle it. I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to leave him vulnerable to being emotionally manipulated. I’ve asked him about it gently, and he insists she’s just a friend, but I’m not convinced this is healthy for him.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? What would you do in my situation? Should I confront this woman or take a different approach? I’m trying to stay calm but am really worried about where this could lead.
TIA for any advice!

How did he actually start talking to this ‘woman’?? I’d be concerned that this will happen again if he has the platform to do so.

She's grooming him. This is how paedophiles get children and the vulnerable to trust them. This is a massive safeguarding issue and you need to call the police. This woman's family also need to be informed - It could be a man pretending to be a woman - This person could even be a child/sex trafficker just waiting to get your Son's entire trust. They could be using stolen photos and god knows what else.

I am quite worried that you're being wholly naive and blasé about this situation. I appreciate and can see you are worried, but this is utterly inappropriate and your son is vulnerable. Call the police before this person sinks their claws in, buys them a train ticket, and he ends up another trafficked statistic never found again.

I work in this area and I know the signs. My husband works in Forensic Nursing with a lot of sick criminals and he is also very shocked and voicing the same concerns.

The same was said about Rolf Harris...you are so very naive. Jesus this is worrying.

Why would a 45yo professional woman strike up any kind of friendship with a 16yo boy? It makes no sense and you need to investigate further, and inform the woman herself - I bet she has no idea someone is using her identify to catfish a young teenage boy.

This is something to take to the police. Don't contact this person yourself.

My first thought was that this woman is probably not who she says she is. Catfishing is so common on the internet these days, I'm in my 20s and I see it so often and you have to be really aware of it. There's every chance the actual woman in question has absolutely no idea this is happening and her details are being used in this way.

Either way it's inappropriate, which I'm sure you know. Keep that line of communication open as others have said. He is a very vulnerable young lad and these are exactly the type of people these people target (catfish or not).

Block and delete her from his device and do t give phone back until you can trust he won't readd /unblock her. She's basically a peadophile and needs to be stopped.

@MustWeDoThis that is terrifying

I don't know if this has been lost here but would like to reiterate.

Please take care and be very, very careful.