After dark

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I was just wondering about people’s opinions on this. Primarily people who have teenage girls. My daughter is 13, we live in a town, average size. She says we are overly strict, because we want her to be home before dark. She tells us that she’s the only one of her friends that has to come home Before dark on weekends. Unfortunately in the winter that’s around 8 o’clock. In the summer, she can stay out until 9.30-10. We are not sure what to do and how to comprise as it is causing many arguments.

i wouldn’t feel comfortable with my 13 year old even having a sleepover at the house of someone who has parents who think this is ok

could you have suggested that instead they come back to yours? with the promise of a domino’s?

I did, she said no. I didn’t get as far as offering pizza lol

ok so you’re trying to compromise
and she’s being rude and stubborn
mid be saying “enough now, it’s not happening and that’s final, but very happy for you to have a sleepover here whenever you fancy and i’m happy for you to have sleepovers but you’re not hanging around after dark in town. No more talk about it”

My 12 year old has to be home by 7 (before dark) if at the park etc.
If he’s at a friends house it’s later (assuming under 15 minutes walk, well lit, populated area than around 9), same if eg out for waffles/ McDonalds/bowling/ playing pool at bowling alley (all under 10 minutes walk). Shopping in town is leave by 8 to avoid buses of drunks/ quiet buses (shops open til 9). Cinema, I pick up after the film ends.
They have to tell me if going somewhere different, have a charged phone, and have find my phone on so I can find them if they lose track of time or there’s a problem.

I have this morning. I’ve told her she can have friends over. We can convert part of the garage or get a shed. Her friends can stay here later. Depending on the circumstances, we may be able to drive them home. We can do snacks as long as she gives us notice so that we can get them in. I told her that she is not allowed out after dark unless she is at a friends house where she can be collected or at a sleepover or at the cinema etc where she can be collected or walk home with a friend but will not be allowed to ‘hang out’ in town after dark. She listened to everything we said and just said ‘ok’ so we shall see what happens.

Thank you all for all the advice.

goodness that’s quite a turn around!

long may it last and good luck

"But all my friends are allowed to... *

No they aren't, they are all saying the same thing!

Unless my child is doing a particular activity like the swimming pool in the summer then it's a no. Even the beach is a 5 pm cut off because the people seem to change that are about and about (drinking) I'm only minutes away.

I wouldn't want her just hanging out in town at that age. She's allowed for sleepovers, youth club etc later but that's organised activities,

The saying nothing good happens after dark springs to mind. I would not allow much child to be roaming the streets at the time. I am fine if they are doing activity or at friends but no on street corner.

This will be less of an issue in a few weeks when the real cold weather and rain sets in.

I wouldn't have her walking home alone though. She should ring for a lift and at that point you set the time you are happy to be a taxi. For me that's 8:30 on a weekday and 10 at the weekend as mentioned earlier and if you don't have the meas to pick her up then she's home earlier. She has no real idea of the dangers at night she is still innocent and feeling invisible - you do though and unfortunately that will make you unpopular for abit, but that's ok.

Exactly! We all tried that on when we were kids too 😂

I'm definitely the strictest out of the parents of my DD's friends (they're all 12 and 13, DD the oldest 13) but I've never let the dark be the limit, it just wouldn't work in winter where I am (gets dark extremely early, like by mid-afternoon) but they don't really hang out in the evenings around town because there's nothing to do there anyway but they go to the youth club and that closes at 8 which is after dark except in summer.

Dark would be 4pm here in winter!

Her friends don't really do "hanging out" but she walks home from clubs etc at 8pm all year round. I pick her up in dire weather if I can (DDs both have an activity finishing at the same time one night a week, one a 20 minute drive, the other a 15 minute walk, so she has no choice sometimes)

I remember leaving school when it was practically dark in winter, so it gets dark at 4-5pm. I'd say you can't expect someone not ever being out a bit in the dark during winter.
But it's not a terrible thing, in summer kids of 13 should be indoors by around 10 anyway just bc they need to go to school.
I think you'll need to relax it somewhat as they get a bit older, and I'd be concerned they might not be used to being out in the evenings when they do do it, which might make them a bit more vulnerable.

Absolutely no way would I have been allowed to do this until I was in sixth form. I had peers who were allowed and I know a lot of highly unsafe things they were getting up to at very young ages tbh. Some of their DPs had absolutely no clue.

Feel Iv a real minority here but my daughter is 13 in a couple of weeks. We live in a relatively 'quiet-ish' town, in a 'nice' estate. My daughters friends are all generally decent kids but they are out until about 9 at weekends but are only 5/10 mins away, or at each others houses. Through the week she has more activities and homework to do in the evenings but is allowed out until about the same time through the week when she is available. Generally all her friends are much the same.

I'd say I'm actually one of the more strict parents to be fair as I always say that no one is to be walking around on their own and will always go and collect if they are further afield. Also I regularly check in my phone to be assured that all is okay.