DS beaten up at school - what should my expectations be of how school deals with it?

[NigellaAwesome]

Apologies in advance - it is quite long. TLDR: DS was assaulted at school by another student and school have done little about it.

My 17 yo DS was assaulted in school 3 months ago by another pupil. It was completely unprovoked, and the boy punched DS at least 8 times in the head and kicked him in the testicles. DS went straight to the VP and told him what happened. Despite knowing he had a head injury, school allowed him to walk home from school alone, and although had tried DH's number once, didn't leave a message and didn't try to contact me. I'm still really pissed off about this, firstly that we weren't able to support our son when he needed it, but also the risk that he could have collapsed on the way home from school from his head injury (the grounds are big and DS walks a fairly secluded route home).

DS arrived home absolutely distraught and shaken. He is a confident, laid back boy, exceptionally bright and gets on with everyone. This is completely outside of his sphere of experience.

The VP spoke with the other boy straight away, and although he admitted punching DS in the head, he denied kicking him in the testicles and his explanation was that he had lent money to DS at an event and he hadn't paid it back. We got DS medically examined - he had 8 huge swellings on his head, black eyes, was badly concussed, and there was extensive bruising to his groin. The story about lending DS money could not possibly have happened as there are numerous witnesses at the event where the boy claimed this occurred.

The VP has concluded that the other boy therefore lied about kicking DS in the balls, and also about his explanation as to the background.

The impact on DS was considerable - he was in the middle of his AS / A level exams and he couldn't focus as he was so badly concussed and shaken up. DS has his sights set on Oxbridge and this boy's actions have jeopardised that. His individual exam results clearly show a huge difference pre and post assault.

DS started back to school last week. The other boy was doing his GCSEs, and to be honest my expectation was that he would not be invited to return to the school to start A levels given the unprovoked attack, that he then lied about what he had done and then tried to call DS's integrity into question by claiming it was over owed money.

The boy is back, starting his A levels. I asked DS about it tonight, and he is still very emotional about it. He said that he had seen the boy about school but has tried to ignore him. He was very obviously trying to hold tears back when speaking about it and is clearly traumatised. He was told before the end of last term by the VP that the boy had been punished, but not what that entailed.

I have said to DS that I will speak to school, but I am not sure what is reasonable to expect. I would have thought school should not have invited the boy back to do his A levels after what he did, but appreciate I am not impartial. What support/reassurance should school be providing to DS?

Is it a state or private school @NigellaAwesome?

Although I understand a court case will be drawn out it might give your ds the chance to talk through the event in a way which helps him process the events. Sometimes just talking it through a number of times helps. Perhaps, understandably, with your dsis he hasn't wanted to burden anyone. Also it might not come to court, they might go for a caution or he might plead guilty. The boy might also get the support that he needs not to reoffend or at least be flagged as a risk so if he acts like this again there is already something on his record. It sounds like a potentially easy conviction with good documentary evidence.

Would your ds consider moving elsewhere? It is sometimes possible to resist yr12.

As others have said, this sounds like a police matter. And I would be encouraging your DS to learn to defend himself, kickboxing classes or something similar.

The school sounds awful so why doesn't your DS leave and finish A levels in college? Leave the scum pupil behind in the scum school?

Ask for the behaviour policy. The usual sanction for a physical assault of this nature would be PEX but if it was completely out of character for the perpetrator, it should have been a 5 day exclusion with a contract on return and a final warning of PEX. Just check that the school has followed their own policy.
The contract should state absolutely zero contact from the other boy, so if your son feels even slightly upset or threatened he should report this immediately and you should know the outcome . I would also ask for an immediate response to why they sent your son home alone and copy this to the governors. This is a breach of safeguarding- any head injury should mean that a parent collect from school and is advised to go straight to A&E.
Ask for some MH support for your son from day one and a safety plan to allow him a trusted adult and safe place to go at all times.
Poor lad- I hope he is ok.

Ask for the behaviour policy

You need the complaints policy - not the behaviour policy look it up. It states the expectations for pupils and parents.

I would also ask to speak to the police officer attached to the school.

Report to the police and also make an official complaint to the school governors.

The school should have taken him to hospital immediately as head injuries are obviously a serious matter.

You really need to be more proactive with this and not just let your son go back to that school with the bully still there and no one being made to account for this safeguarding failure.

The behaviour policy will tell you what sort of sanctions the school should have applied for that type of behaviour.

The complaints policy will tell you how to complain about how things were dealt with.

It's likely you have two complaints. First the initial handling of the concussion, second that the behaviour policy wasn't applied (it seems very unlikely that a physical assault of that scale wasn't an excludable situation)

As an aside, the school can support the concussion if its still an issue. They can get extra time, or rest breaks for exams put in place and they can teach some strategies for focus. He may even be eligible for a prompter.

Also if the police get in contact with the school and this other ‘child’ (who I’m presuming will turn 18 soon) it may may them think about what happens with this incident and others. You must inform them.

From my experience as a governor, I'm shocked that this boy wasn't permanently excluded. The school's lack of care for your DS is also a real safeguarding concern.

Personally, I would now report the assault to the police and email the chair of governors with exactly what you've said here. If you don't get a satisfactory response focussed on keeping your DS safe, you can report your concerns to OFSTED.

I'm with the other posters who believe this should have been reported to the police. By not kicking up an almighty stink and pushing for this to be dealt with properly through the court system you and the school have in effect minimised it, sending an unintended but clear message to your son that his Oxbridge application is the most important thing here. Is this a private school where the numbers applying to Oxbridge are used as a selling point?

I'd go to the police now and speak to a solicitor. This boy should have been expelled. Is he also good for their stats in some way?

You need to ask Ds what he wants to happen . He is 17

Schools are businesses now . They are set up to be like that … and of course they support a child capable of going to Oxbridge .. it’s in there interest for that to happen too .

The vp is doing the best for the school not your Ds .

Your expectation should have been that the school called an ambulance for your son and the police, as this is a serious assault (as I am sure they know). It must have been horrific for your son.

I honestly am not sure why you are worried about the police (it surprises me you are, given you worked for them). I understand that things like sexual assault or cyber crime can be rough on the victim, but this seems fairly clear cut. What would be your concerns re police involvement?

I am just not sure how your son can come to terms with this unless there is a serious consequence for the perpetrator?

As for the school, obviously the boy should have been expelled. But some private schools seem to feel above the law and are desperate for fees, especially in the 6th form. And if the parents are donors, it adds another level.

If you are not prepared to involve external authorities, I would clearly raise it as an ongoing safeguarding concern and copy it to the safeguarding governor (available on the school website).

I think you've all dropped the ball on this. The school should've carried out a formal investigation. There should have been a meeting to discuss next steps and support put in place for your son. The incident should've been reported to the police.

This is the stuff of nightmares I'm so sorry OP, heart breaking.

Absolutely should be reported to the police.

You're being indecisive. I am the victim of an unprovoked assault by two drunken rugby players while at university. The mental effects are deep and long lasting - feelings of anger, wanting to relive it and fight back, avoiding crowds and not wanting to be around people who are drinking or drunk. Consider how he might feel about you not fighting his corner in the future. I had no support at the time from the university or my family. I am nearly 40 years down the line. Put aside your views on the way the police may handle this and back your son. He may heal physically and think he's fine emotionally and mentally - personally I doubt it.

You shouldn't have to of course, but could your DS re-do Y12 somewhere else if you act quickly?? With the best will in the world, the school have not acted well so far, and may continue not to, whatever 'should' happen. All you are in control of is what happens for your DS really. Maybe he can stay where he is and access counselling, maybe you can put pressure on the school to exclude the attacker (whether you involve the police or not), but if neither of those things are possible maybe a fresh start is best?

Also another helpful tip was my friends son was assaulted and the police gave him a victim support person who really helped him process what happened.

Ds was punched twice in the face in an unprovoked attack in year 11. It was all witnessed by the teacher as it happened in a classroom. The puncher also punched Ds's best mate first.

How school responded, they took written statements from the two punched boys, the puncher and the teacher. The HOY checked on the boys to verbally ensure they were okay. School called me immediately after that to tell me what had happened. Asked Ds if he wanted to be collected, gave him the choice. He and friend were then late to their final lesson, unheard of for them, the teacher asked if everything was okay, they explained they had been punched, teacher was lovely, ensuring they were okay, did they want to go home etc. Lovely, caring school.

The punishment which they told me, 1 week external exclusion, a meeting with both parents present along with puncher detailing the expectations for the puncher on return. He would return to school but be in isolation for 3 days. They read an impact statement from us which basically said Ds is far more forgiving than us, you touch our child again and we will inform the police. His form teacher also rang me to tell me that she would also be keeping an eye on him too.

They checked in with both punched boys every few days to make sure nothing else was rumbling along, retaliation or backlash from the puncher, his mates or other students. As I said, brilliant school.

Go to the police.

Is this a private school?
Because if so I'm not sure what you can do about it if the school want to keep all their customers happy?

If it's a state school then you need to get an appointment with the HT and involve the police.

Oxbridge can wait, your child has been brutally assaulted and reading between the lines probably because he is an outstanding, likeable pupil. Jealously from the other kid no doubt.

Your school sounds appalling and given your an ex cop, surely you of all people should know, photos, medical evidence and clearly witnessed with no defence you would get across the court line.

Don't let your son down by too much focus on Oxbridge, shout very loudly to everyone that will listen.

Thanks everyone, responses are pretty unanimous.

I spoke with DS today. He doesn't want to involve the police. He doesn't want counselling, although I emphasised that it was completely normal to feel upset about it and it might be worthwhile chatting it through with someone independent and confidentially.

He is totally preoccupied/stressed with his personal statement and entrance exam and doesn't want any distraction from it at all.

He is happy for me to speak to school, so I plan to speak to VP and HT about my concerns re the initial response (having already raised it informally) and ongoing safeguarding and support. I have read through both the behaviour and complaints policies but they are both fairly vague and weasel worded. For permanent exclusion it would have been a decision for the governors, not the HT or VP. I will be asking if it was referred to them, but suspect I will get GDPR as a reason for not telling us.

Ds's main concern is that there is an extra curricular activity that he does that this other boy also attends, and he doesn't want to encounter him there, so that is at least a concrete outcome that I can raise with the school.

For those who asked, the school is a voluntary grammar - not quite private but not quite state school. The other boy is an international boarder, so my suspicion is that the £££ is a factor at play.

It isn't so much getting it over the line - the other boy admitted most of it - it is the stress of the police investigation and court process I would ideally like to shield him from. I did ask him at the time if he wanted to report it to police and he said no, and tbh I was relieved.
As a family we have had a traumatic time with police and court processes - I was the victim of a seriously corrupt senior officer and I have spent the last 6 years and counting getting justice for it - a third of my children's lives.

I would expect the school to exclude him immediately and permanently and would push for this outcome hard.

As this hasn't happened, I would contact the police and file a complaint about serious assault.

I'd contact the school governors too.

Has your son had any trauma counselling? He needs help getting over what happened so that he can concentrate on doing his best for Oxbridge.

And in no way should the school's support of Oxbridge prep and application be dependent on him not challenging their appalling handling or a serious assault.

So sorry to hear you've also been a victim & hope you get closure soon. If the boy admitted it, as you know it won't end up in court and he'll get some kind of caution/reprimand with no court room in sight. The boy will learn a very valuable life lesson that money can't buy everything and there are consequences for harming others. Even if your son doesn't want to proceed, filing the complaint at the very least will flag this boy if he behaves in such a way in the future to other children. This wasn't playground rough and tumble but clearly very intentional. Good luck to your son he sounds lovely.