DS beaten up at school - what should my expectations be of how school deals with it?

[NigellaAwesome]

Apologies in advance - it is quite long. TLDR: DS was assaulted at school by another student and school have done little about it.

My 17 yo DS was assaulted in school 3 months ago by another pupil. It was completely unprovoked, and the boy punched DS at least 8 times in the head and kicked him in the testicles. DS went straight to the VP and told him what happened. Despite knowing he had a head injury, school allowed him to walk home from school alone, and although had tried DH's number once, didn't leave a message and didn't try to contact me. I'm still really pissed off about this, firstly that we weren't able to support our son when he needed it, but also the risk that he could have collapsed on the way home from school from his head injury (the grounds are big and DS walks a fairly secluded route home).

DS arrived home absolutely distraught and shaken. He is a confident, laid back boy, exceptionally bright and gets on with everyone. This is completely outside of his sphere of experience.

The VP spoke with the other boy straight away, and although he admitted punching DS in the head, he denied kicking him in the testicles and his explanation was that he had lent money to DS at an event and he hadn't paid it back. We got DS medically examined - he had 8 huge swellings on his head, black eyes, was badly concussed, and there was extensive bruising to his groin. The story about lending DS money could not possibly have happened as there are numerous witnesses at the event where the boy claimed this occurred.

The VP has concluded that the other boy therefore lied about kicking DS in the balls, and also about his explanation as to the background.

The impact on DS was considerable - he was in the middle of his AS / A level exams and he couldn't focus as he was so badly concussed and shaken up. DS has his sights set on Oxbridge and this boy's actions have jeopardised that. His individual exam results clearly show a huge difference pre and post assault.

DS started back to school last week. The other boy was doing his GCSEs, and to be honest my expectation was that he would not be invited to return to the school to start A levels given the unprovoked attack, that he then lied about what he had done and then tried to call DS's integrity into question by claiming it was over owed money.

The boy is back, starting his A levels. I asked DS about it tonight, and he is still very emotional about it. He said that he had seen the boy about school but has tried to ignore him. He was very obviously trying to hold tears back when speaking about it and is clearly traumatised. He was told before the end of last term by the VP that the boy had been punished, but not what that entailed.

I have said to DS that I will speak to school, but I am not sure what is reasonable to expect. I would have thought school should not have invited the boy back to do his A levels after what he did, but appreciate I am not impartial. What support/reassurance should school be providing to DS?

Why are you complaining three months later about significant safeguarding issues such as letting your son return home injured and alone? What did you do at the time?

Why didn't you ask what the consequences for the boy would be? And address an inadequate sanction at the time?

Have you asked to see a copy of the risk assessment in relation to your son's safety.

Has your ds had therapy? Waiting for therapy?

Did the school thoroughly investigate and are you allowed to see a copy of the report.

I'd say bugger Oxbridge for now, that can come later. The priority is your son's wellbeing.

@TransformerZ after over 30 years I have absolutely no faith at all in the criminal justice system, and the police specifically. It is a whole other thread, but corruption is rife. I have good grounds for being very hesitant in exposing DS to that.

But seeing the responses on here I need to have a conversation with DH and DS as to the best way forward.

Of course they've let him back - bums on seats!

I suggest reporting to the police. I know it's massively disruptive but is there somewhere else your son could go? Seeing this kid every day isn't going to help.

Did you complain to the school at the time about their failure to alert you after the attack, and their conduct in leaving your son to walk home on his own? What did they say?

After they accepted that the other boy was lying, did they specifically tell you they would be excluding him?

This happened to my child years ago. I reported it to the police and informed the school I had done so. My child was assaulted because he stepped in to protect a smaller child. My complaint to the school was that they failed to call an ambulance.
I didn't get far with the school but we were referred to victim support and eventually got criminal injury compensation. The perpetrator was arrested but I didn't hear the outcome. As PP are saying, report everything to the police. I am so sorry for your son. School should be a safe place, but it really isn't these days.

A few years ago, my 15 year old DS had an incident with another boy in the same year whilst on the school bus.

The boy threw a heavy rucksack at my DS in an unprovoked rage, and it hit him on the head. He had no injuries other than being in shock and complaining of a headache.

My first phone call was the police, the second was the school. The school were aware I had contacted the police, so they acted swiftly.

The police handled it brilliantly, visited the boy at home, and gave him a ticking off and a caution. The school suspended him, and he was banned from travelling on the school bus for 6 months.

Like others have said, it's shocking you haven't gone straight to the police.

I’d report to police and push for a restraining order and expulsion. Your poor DS, having to still be around his attacker and in constant fear!

I did complain at the time about him being allowed to walk home. The VP apologised and said that he was so busy trying to get to the bottom of it that he didn't think.

VP was clear that there were GDPR considerations and he couldn't discuss the other boy at all - even refusing to discuss him by name although we both knew who he was.

I will ask to see the risk assessment and investigation report - good idea.

It is clear from my discussion with DS tonight that I need to access therapy for him. I had checked in with him to see how he was feeling several times after the assault and he seemed to be processing it ok, but it is now apparent he needs more support. We had a close family bereavement just 2 weeks after the assault, so things have been a bit fraught since.

I would agree that this should be reported to the police. It’s a very serious assault.
I am really sorry for your son. I understand that you don’t want to put him through more trauma at a critical time but maybe it would be helpful for him to know the perpetrator is not going to completely get away with such horrific behaviour

The world is corrupt.
The weak are crushed.
Stay within the law but do all you can to punish the school and the scum boy.
Speak to a solicitor.
People only learn where money is concerned.

Your son must be feeling so small - that no one cares to even cause a fuss - make life hell for that crap school.

If you can focus on things that build up your DS in whatever form suits him. Counselling, coaching, self defence, gym, academic or hobby achievement/enjoyment in or outside of school.
As part of the Oxbridge application the school will submit a written comment. Remind them to include reference to this event especially if it affected results/mocks.

You don't need anyone else to tell you that the boy who assaulted your son should have been expelled.

The extent of the "sweeping under the carpet" that you describe sounds like a private school approach. Regardless of the type of school it begs the question what else are have they failed to deal with adequately?

My thoughts OP are that you have failed your son in not reporting this to the police, not acting when you found out that the boy was back at school, prioritising your son's exam results over advocating for him in this, prioritising the school's apparently conditional support for his Oxbridge application.

Your son's safety, addressing the trauma he experienced, advocating for him, having his back etc. are vital here. Even with your lack of trust in the justice system what kind of message are you giving him to do so little about this in his behalf?

Getting top A Level grades and a place at Oxford or Cambridge won't help him deal with this will they?

Fair comment.

I only found out today that the boy is back, and as I said, we had a family bereavement - my Dsis died of cancer 2 weeks after the assault, so things have been fraught, but it is clear from speaking to DS tonight that I need to do more to support him.

I am very sorry for you also. It must be very painful for you and it’s easy for us to tell you what you should do but sometimes shock and disbelief make it difficult to see the severity of a situation. It’s not too late to address it. Definitely get some counselling for your DS .

And I’m so sorry for your loss.

There is little point I. Report g anything to OFSTED unless you have exhausted the schools complaints process/policy as they will just send you back to do so.
OP get the behaviour policy and complaints policy and follow them. IMO this should have led to a permanent exclusion. I know you don’t want to go to the police but I think you should. This is a serious assault with no consequences.

@NigellaAwesome I can see how things have got complicated and that you have an overwhelming amount of things going on. I am sorry for your loss.

I also realise that it's often difficult to talk with teenage children, and to ascertain how they are genuinely feeling.

You know your son best but it sounds like he is very very understandably struggling, and IMO it is important that he knows that's a very normal, human reaction to a very frightening event. Until now all of the adults involved appear to have downplayed this which may make him feel like he's expected to be ok, switch on a stiff upper lip etc..

Whilst I understand that your POV is jaded by your police career, the school and possibly the child’s parents won’t have the same perspective and therefore it may put a rocket under both of them if you involve the police, even if YOU know it’s not likely to lead to conviction.

id play absolute hell with the safeguarding lead, pastoral support, the appropriate governor, and the LADO at the council to get to the bottom of what the very fuck was the decision making in allowing this kid back and more importantly what will be put in place for them to discharge their duty of care in ensuring your son is safe.

Be a polite and persistent gobby pain in the arse.

Quite simply, it's easier for the school to hope the problem goes away and brush it under the carpet than deal with other child.

You need to report this to the police

Absolutely. My dd was bullied by a girl who bullied everyone. From kinder to 5th. We are in the US. After stabbing another girl with a pin and being "talked" to she pushed my dd from behind. The school said she would be talked to. I said she was above the age of 10 and I was calling the police. Then the school properly handled it.

How awful for your ds. Re Oxbridge, I'm sure the school can notify them of mitigating circumstances affecting your son's results so they can take it into account

Schools never do anything! They care more about how it makes them look than kids' wellbeing & safety. Money & reputation! That's the priority.

That is not my experience (state sector), in my sons' school they involved the police in cases of assault.

One of my sons was punched and kicked by the older brother of a child in his class. This happened in the local park- so outside of school. School were very proactive in notifying the police, and supporting DS.

The police also took action.

It was a horrible time. DS tells me now that it meant a great deal that his parents, school and the police cared about what happened.

I am so very sorry this happened to your son and for your own loss and grief.
I totally understand why you have tried to protect him by not putting him through the stresses of a prosecution and why you thought common sense would prevail and why you wanted to keep the school on side.
We make the choices we feel are correct at the time.

I knew sixth form admissions usually prioritise their own year 11 students but I also thought they were allowed to be selective on who they admitted. I am surprised this lad has been accepted/met the entry requirements. I can only think they didn't want the hassle of an appeal?
Is there no other college/upper sixth doing the same exam board your son could go to - I know a managed move at this point would be a right royal pain in the arse, but I'd be trying to get him out of there. Head injuries and First Aid protocols is Basic Safeguarding - there is no acceptable excuse for that to have happened. It happened to my daughter once - vomiting and allowed to walk home - I played merry hell up as it was a safeguarding fail and they rightfully would have been hauled over the coals for it. I didn't want it to happen to anyone else.