Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What quality time do you spend with your teens?

31 replies

oObyeOo · 28/08/2024 22:15

I have a 15yr old who I feel I’m drifting apart from. I know this is normal. That he prefers to spend his time with his girlfriend or friends. It’s great that he has a social life and independence.

But I’d like to try to reconnect with him as he said to me the other day that he is only going out with his friend as there’s nothing to do at home.

He loves biking and we do too, so we do this often together. But his bike is currently in the shop being fixed. We are a countryside/mountain walking family but he’s no longer interested in coming with us on walks.

Anyway. I just wondered what you guys do with your teens to stay connected. Thanks

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 28/08/2024 22:28

We used to go on holiday. At least 2 weeks.The rest of the time, they saw relatives with us and saw friends. They sometimes did a holiday club. I remember DD2 doing a dance one and Dd1 did a theatre one. So I cannot say I kept them to myself. They had interests and they pursued them. I did not feel the need for extensive family bonding.

Part of growing up is making decisions. These don’t always coincide with family norms. Hopefully your DS is happy and undoubtedly still loves you. If he’s rejecting what you like, there’s nothing wrong with that. He might go back later but right now, new found interests are his priority. Maybe invite the girlfriend along for biking and hiking?

bergamotorange · 28/08/2024 22:34

Trips to local cities/towns
Cinema
Concerts (not big ones, they are £££!)
Shopping for school bits (can make that take a whole morning by walking into town)

boredwithfoodprob · 28/08/2024 22:34

My DS is almost 16. We don't do a lot together 1-1 either anymore although we did just do a big 2 week holiday as a family to celebrate him finishing his GCSEs.

Today, we went shopping together as he needed some clothes for college and we had lunch out too - food is a great motivator! We barely ever do that and it was really nice!

Cinema is a good one too if he likes films and maybe cooking together or just watching a film or documentary at home although I do find his phone is always distracting him while we do anything at home 🙄

Rory17384949 · 28/08/2024 22:38

Pick something to watch together on tv, currently watching Buffy the vampire slayer with my teen DD, we watch and chat

longdistanceclaraclara · 28/08/2024 22:44

Usually taxiing them around, that's when they talk. They'll come out the other side. I decided today I'm not spending £££ on a 'family holiday' next year when they bring the attitude. I've got hormonal teen girls and it is not fun at the moment.

TizerorFizz · 29/08/2024 00:07

We found our girls fine on busy holidays. We didn’t do lolling.

Meadowfinch · 29/08/2024 00:16

I have a 16yo DS who I take to comedy club at the local theatre once every couple of months. And we share a karate class.

Bbq1 · 29/08/2024 00:51

Ds is older than yours
We go to cinema together,
he goes to gigs with dad and comic con with me
The three of us watch a series together in the evening
We chat together a lot

He has mates, a gf and is in a band but has always enjoyed spending time with us

lastchancesalmon · 29/08/2024 01:39

It's so hard. I have girls, so different I appreciate. I try to grab opportunities when I can - one likes to shop and whilst trying to reduce unnecessary spend I do take her to shops (sometimes charity shops) or just to get a coffee. We've had good success with binging series or film franchises together. Days out to the beach have been positive this year. We don't really have family meals regularly but a birthday would present a special meal together. We have been to many music gigs and festivals and some theatre. Could you take the biking to a different place - drive to a cycle path? Camping? I also had a weekend away with each of them last year and so recommend this if you can make it work.

mondaytosunday · 29/08/2024 02:32

I took my son to rugby/rowing depending on the season. Twice a week we'd be half an hour in the car there and back. Good time to chat about stuff. Plus he knew I supported his passion.
He's left home now (he's now 21) and I go visit him about once a month and stay one or two nights (70 miles plus a ferry away). Or he cones up here. We go out for meals, walk the dogs together and watch tv shows/movies together.
I have a teen DD at home. I don't see her much during the day but every evening either I cook or occasionally she does and we watch a series together. We go out too - tomorrow we are going out to a local café then we will do a garden tidy up together.
I'm a widow so it's just me as the parent.

Lucy Long Socks · 29/08/2024 02:46

I don't. She is 17, has a boyfriend and they are inseparable. She won't cook with me anymore, watch tv, go shops, walks, craft nothing!. I love it when she'll come over, sit down and say " I would like a chat with you" Enjoy your times with them. They grow up fast and they don't need you anymore.

msmatcha · 29/08/2024 02:48

Tonight we went out for sushi and she taught me a card game.

Happyinarcon · 29/08/2024 02:57

I play Roblox with my teen. They pick the games and my avatar tags along. Get them to design your avatar

junebirthdaygirl · 29/08/2024 07:01

I watched sport with my two ds even though it wouldn't be my first choice on TV. I knew all the teams/ players on different sports teams. Also one ds named movies and we watched together. He made a special point of finding ones he though l'd like. We also ate together as a family practically every dinner and they just loved their food. They are grown up now and still come home regularly.
Try not to let him know you are trying to connect/ have special times .Just do it casually. Grab the few minutes in the car or while having a snack together. It's good he is happy and busy. My biggest, fondest memory of my parents is they were always just there so don't underestimate the power of just your presence in the home..being there is a strong security for him as he goes forth to enjoy all life has for him. And keep your own life busy and active.

Doingmybest12 · 29/08/2024 07:20

Basically food and lifts to places. Sorry, you said quality time. I think you have to accept he's growing up and away. He'll come back to those interests later on.

Durdledore · 29/08/2024 07:20

As others have said, films, food and lifts seem to be winners for us. Also theatre, and live music/comedy. Very occasionally, walks. Sometimes the odd quick game after tea.

CurlewKate · 29/08/2024 08:27

I think for us it wasn't big planned things. We liked cooking dinner together a couple of nights a week. Sunday breakfast together when we could. The occasional dog walk. And I was always (well as always as possible) prepared to give lifts. Amazing what gets chatted about in the car, even in a 10 minute run to the station. A few TV programmes we all liked. But incredibly low key. No "we must bond" vibe!

Original poster
oObyeOo · 29/08/2024 08:33

Thank you all!

I give lifts often and that is nice. He enjoys the odd dog walk still and is more inclined if there is a cafe stop on the way.

I don’t force bonding on him. But I think the lack of routine during the summer hols has highlighted how boring we are and that he’d rather go sit at his girlfriends house all day and veg 🙈😂

OP posts:
TwigTheWonderKid · 29/08/2024 08:47

Food. I have 2 DSs 15 and 19 and I try to take them out for lunch as often as I can (though DS1 is at uni).

With DS2 also we binge watch. We are both very excited about new Only Murders in the Building.

And games occasionally. We are currently on holiday and DH has taught us how to play whist, which has been a surprising hit.

parrotonmyshoulder · 29/08/2024 08:52

Following for interest. I still have lots of quality time with DD (15) as we like similar tv, films and books. I keep expecting this to change! She’ll come for a walk or the supermarket most days if on offer, or wander into town with me (usually expecting cake).
It’s harder with soon to be teen DS who has some additional needs. I’m always trying too hard I think! He likes a walk (involving an imaginary game or random conversational topics), or likes to come in errands in the car.

poptake · 29/08/2024 08:54

We go to the gym together, we watch films together (we have a shared love of horror that no one else in the house has!) be that at home or the cinema, I usually take him out to Starbucks or for a meal just us 2 once a month. I bought some retro Xbox games that we play together. We also build Lego together. I guess on reflection it helps I'm a bit of a nerd!

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 29/08/2024 08:55

With teen boys I always think the way to their heart is food!! Eating out cool places they like and you are paying! Even now with youngest DSS at uni when he comes home food is the easiest way to get some quality time with him (he's always super busy catching up with his pals from uni).

Finding a TV show that is yours - my DH and DSS watched all of vikings & then Valhalla together over a year or so (DSS only lived with us part of the time).

Also invite girlfriend along too sometimes - I have three DSC all now in or approaching their 20s but when they were younger and at home we would often end up with more as one or two at least of the partners would be invited along to whatever we were doing (walks, days out, wild swims, tea out etc). We became really good pals with them too and often our DSC were on better form too.

poptake · 29/08/2024 08:56

Oh yes and theatre, we've done that a fair bit. And just going into London together, my youngest loves that also. It helps my teen is just generally quite enthusiastic and enjoys adult company. He's up for anything we suggest really, though I'm sure that'll change.

poptake · 29/08/2024 08:58

Oh yes and cooking also, my teen enjoys that. It's going to be so much harder with my youngest who pretty much doesn't like any of the things I do with my eldest 🙈 I think if I want to spend time with him when he starts retreating I'll need to learn to play fortnite and to enjoy YouTube reels 🙈

MissyB1 · 29/08/2024 09:06

Ds is 15. He will come out with me if there's food involved! I'm taking him out for breakfast tomorrow. He also likes going to the cinema with us (so bloody expensive though!) He will bake with me too - because he loves cake 😂