DD16 drunk last night...

[MonkeyTennis34]

We know she and her friends have small amounts of alcohol.

Last night she asked us to pick her up from a party at 9pm...in her text she said she'd been sick, was feeling dizzy and she kept apologising.

She "said" she'd had 3 vodka and oranges. She very slim, there's not alot of her.

She slept in with me, I propped her up on her side and stayed awake, checking her breathing.

She was upset and asked me if she'd still be alive in the morning!

To scare her off drinking that much again I felt like saying, Hopefully!

I know it's a rite of passage and I did exactly the same thing at 15 but it really scared me...and her, which is good news.

Any suggestions please on the calmest, most sensible advice to give her, without turning it into a huge taboo.
Should there be a punishment? DH said to tell her if it happens again she won't be allowed to go to any more parties, I agree with this.
From her reaction last night, I don't think she'll be doing this again for a long time...but who knows

I know youngsters drink.. now I'm a parent it's different!

She's asleep in her own bed now.
She actually wet herself in my bed which really shocked her.

Ds did similar last year when he was 15 and has definitely learnt from it. Hasn’t been drunk since. The whole alcohol thing was all they could talk about back them but it has completely calmed down. And thinking about it I don’t think he has had a single drink all summer.

oh and we didn’t punish him.

I think vomiting and wetting herself is punishment enough. She'll be feeling pretty embarrassed

I learnt from drinking vodka at the same age.

I've never drunk vodka since.

I did drink other drinks but always in moderation and haven't had any alcohol now for over a decade.

I'm not a fan of punishment if natural consequences occurred that show the consequences to the actions.

But I agree with calmly saying she's learned the risks and if she cannot keep herself safe from them in future then you and DH will take over and she won't be going to parties for X amount of time.

From her reaction last night, I don't think she'll be doing this again for a long time ...
This may well have taught her a lesson

With me it was gin, didn't touch it again for 30 years because I thought I was allergic to it!

Whiskey for me. Can't even stand the smell after 47 years!

I don't believe in punishment for things like this. Teens will do what they're going to do. Punishment won't stop her from getting plastered again, if that's her intention. I doubt it will be after this.

Instead, I'd take my mum's lead on this. She taught me how to drink (not through example but by talking about different types of alcohol and their pitfalls), not to mix, don't play drinking games, when it comes to spirits it's one and done, wine drunk is ugly and nasty, punch bowls are the devil's work- they're like the wolf from Little Red Riding Hood; it may look like your sweet grandmother, but it's a predatory animal that'll kill you. I once drank rum punch like it was juice. And oh my god... I am seriously lucky I lived to tell the tale. Basically, your DD needs to learn not to get shitfaced because you become sooo vulnerable AND you can go out Jimi Hendrix style.
Just give her that type of advice. The pitfalls of getting drunk! Way better to know this than just sit there, 'punished'. She needs to understand the risks that come with being drunk and how much we're rendered totally vulnerable by alcohol. Moderation is the key to everything!

I lost two friends in high school the Jimi Hendrix way and that was a huge wake up call for me. They choked on their vomit as they slept alone after partying all night. Awful. I'm 52 and we still hold an annual memorial for my forever 18 year old friend.

Just give DD love, some toast and tea, and the Drinker's Facts of Life. Drinking is a matter of life for the young. And they will do it. I think rather than punishment, it's better to know what can go wrong when drinking is done stupidly. Like your DD, I too am and always have been really thin- underweight my entire life. Our tolerance is low and we just have to respect that.

Ironically, my one and only bed-spinning puker of a night was much like your DD's. That was the rum punch night, 30 years ago! I was crying. I seriously thought I was going to die. I blacked out in a corridor. I vaguely remember being in some weird taxi in Germany. God knows what happened. Hopefully nothing but I shudder at the risk I opened myself up to. I never ever ever ever got myself into that situation again in my entire life. And I was never much of a drinker throughout my life courtesy of that situation.

I don't think punishment or banning her from parties is appropriate. Treat it as a learning experience and have a serious chat about alcohol. The potential hangover and embarrassment will probably be enough punishment.

She will be off to uni in a couple of years - best learn how to drink sensibly and learn when to stop now.

Punishing her will make it less likely that she will call you for help in the future.

Please don't threaten punishment if it happens again.
Some tea and toast and a well done for calling her mum. Advise how to not let it happen again but any hint of being in trouble or repercussions for repeat occurrences may prevent her calling you next time. The result of not being comfortable calling home could mean accepting lifts of friends over the limit, staying out and being in an unsafe situation.

No I don't think she should be punished. She will punish herself enough with embarrassment. I would just have a word with her (nicely). I wouldn't threaten being banned from parties as that's when she might get sneaky/start lying if she got banned. Also be happy she called you I would state this to her too that she did the right thing. Publishing her will make her not call you in future which is definitely not what you need.

I would not go overboard on sanctions - she will be learning an important lesson already.

Have a reasoned chat with her. Tell her that this is what alcohol does to people and that really bad things could have happened to her whilst she was in that state and unable to regulate her behaviour - road accident, sexual assault. Tell her that you are not going to punish her, but that you will trust her to have learned from this. Tell her you love her and want the best for her; and this is not it.

Thanks all 💐Some fantastic advice.

Once she surfaces, I'll talk to her.

Love the "one and done" approach to spirits.

As many have said, I think she's been duly scared and shocked by the effect alcohol had on her body. This should be enough to make her think again.

I too knew someone in the first year at Uni who died through choking on his own vomit. I often relay this story to my DC.

She's got a fair few more parties coming up... GCSE results day, end of summer etc.

My older boys were veeeery different and (so far) completely drama-free😂

@StarryDance Very true.

No punishment at all.

I think I would be telling her that you love her so much and everyone these days has a camera on them because of their smartphones (so glad we never had this) and anyone could have filmed her being sick or wetting herself had she remained at the party or been on a sleepover. The ability to share that to so many people in an instant is terrifying. That her safety is paramount and unthinkable things could have happened to her whilst in this state.

I would be telling her that pretty much everyone has done this, we have all drank too much, worried about what we may have done and the fact that she got you to pick her up is brilliant and you are glad she feels she can turn to you.

Talk about parties going forward and what she might want to drink instead and also show her in a glass at home what an actual measure of vodka is in ml using a measuring spoon because Ds went to parties where they were pouring two or three finger "shots" into a water glass, drinking that with some coke and then throwing up. Ds faked a headache to leave as it was in the day!

Definitely no punishment for the reasons other posters have said. I made it clear I am the person they contact at any sniff of trouble and I’ll come with no judgement.
Also like a previous poster, educate them on types of alcohol and their effects.
Stress heavily The Rules with drinking with friends and always sticking together.

Maybe talk to her about the higher potential of damaging her organs at that age, brain isn't fully developed until 25.

Like others have said, you need her to know you won't judge but will support her.

I drank too much quite a few times in my late teens / early 20s and occasionally since. Hangovers / being sick seemed just one of those things to be worked through tbh. So it won't necessarily put her off. But talking about moderation and what to do if she feels she's overdone it is a good idea.

Vomiting, wetting the bed and probably being very hungover today is the best punishment she could have!

The most important thing is that she’s home and safe

Totally this.

Oh and if any of you ever have kids vomiting in your cars after a drunken midnight rescue.

Having to clean it up the next day is a fabulous deterrent

I wouldn't punish on this occasion. Think it's fair if she does it again she won't be going to any more parties

Perhaps you could discus how strong vodka is and if she is going to have a drink with friends what about alchopops instead. Let's face it vodka is deadly and even us adults can go to hard on the hard stuff even when we know our limits

Getting drunk at that age shouldn't be punished. She is trying to learn how much she can handle and in order to do that she needs to try it. Now she knows that how much she drank yesterday was too much so she will drink less next time. The punishment is being taken cared of by her body already and unless it becomes a weekly thing I wouldn't worry about her alcohol consumption spiralling. She's just growing up.

Don't punish her but have her wash the soiled sheets (natural consequence). She'll learn.

I agree no punishment.

My brother did this at 17, came home in a right state, vomited all over the downstairs loo and my parents had to take turns staying up with him all night in case he choked. The day after he had to clean up his vomit but no other punishment. He never did it again!

Yes! Not DD but her friend who vomited all over DH's car when I picked them up from a party.
I made them both scrub it out (bicarbonate of soda gets rid of the smell) and they never forgot it.