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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What age should teens be let in on the realitlies of family finances?

39 replies

Remotew · 15/04/2008 16:40

When they are little we protect them from money worries that they have no concept of.

My DD nearly 14 is looking at holidays atm and as I've paid for two expensive school trips I've told her we may not be going abroad as usual.

The reality is that its not just the holiday I'm struggling with atm. Its everything. Is it reasonable for kids to be told at this age?

OP posts:
CeilingCat · 15/04/2008 16:43

Yes of course it's reasonable! My parents let me know from a much earlier age what they could/couldn't afford.

LilRedWG · 15/04/2008 16:43

I can't remember even not know that we could not afford to do expensive stuff.

scorpio1 · 15/04/2008 16:43

i think maybe about the holiday but not about day to day.

LilRedWG · 15/04/2008 16:44

knowing

posieflump · 15/04/2008 16:44

I told my 4 year old that unless he had coins in his pocked he couldn't buy a toy car yesterday

posieflump · 15/04/2008 16:44

pocket

CeilingCat · 15/04/2008 16:45

In fact, I find it worrying that so many kids nowadays are really unrealistic about finances. I think it will encourage a healthy perspective on money/work/materialism for you to be upfront about it.

southeastastra · 15/04/2008 16:45

yep i tell them how much i earn per hour and have done since they can understand it. they aren't materialistic in the slightest

nailpolish · 15/04/2008 16:46

my dh says he spent most of his teenage years worrying that him and his family would be homeless wandering the streets - he had many sleepless nights he says - all because his parents constantly drummed into him how they were paying a huge mortgage and no he couldnt have a biscuit didnt he know how lucky he was having such a nice house and they were barely making ends meet without him eating everything in sight and no he couldnt have new trousers didnt he know how much money that would be wasnt he listening when they told him how much the house was costing

LilRedWG · 15/04/2008 16:49

Mine weren't that bad NP, it was more subliminial.

I want DD to grow up knowing having good money sense and understanding the value of things, not as I did..

hanaflower · 15/04/2008 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AMumInScotland · 15/04/2008 16:52

That's terrible nailpolish

But in general I think teens, and much younger, should understand that money does not come from some bottomless pocket. That's one of the reasons for them having pocket money - "if you buy X you won't have enough left for Y". They see that in a small scale with pocket money, and it's reasonable to point out that its the same for the family as a whole.

Original poster
Remotew · 15/04/2008 16:57

That's what I'm worried about she need a reality check but I'd hate to think that her middle teens were spent worrying about my lack of finances. Its was like that when I was growing up even though there was money it was never spent.

I'm just feeling really low today as I've maxed my overdraft partly due to employers changing our pay day and me being useless with money. Plus its her mates birthday coming up so money for that etc. etc.

She isnt too demanding but most of her mates have been sent out to work as soon as they reached 13! these are the ones with two parents working as well.

I think telling her some of the truth may nudge her towards getting a Saturday job. The thought of sending my baby out to work etc. (I think I'm too soft)

OP posts:
ScienceTeacher · 15/04/2008 17:00

My teenagers do not know what we earn, but they do know that there isn't much for extras. They very rarely ask for anything, and have fairly low expectations.

stealthsquiggle · 15/04/2008 17:03

Reality check entirely in order.

5yo DS knows that we can't afford to do everything, and I think that is healthy - but I would never want him, even as a teenager, to worry about losing the house (not that we are even close to that) - that would be horrible.

We knew growing up that our parents couldn't afford expensive holidays, school ski trips, etc and just didn't ask - I don't feel deprived as a result and at some point as teenagers I think knowing that our parents worked bloody hard to pay school fees for us kept us on track, IYSWIM.

littlelamb · 15/04/2008 17:03

I agree with Nailpolish- My parents used to laud their tight financial situation over us to make it clear how 'lucky' we were, which just made me worry and feel that I was a burden At 14 I had a weekend job and was expected to buy everything for myself, which is reasonable for 'luxuries' but for me it was expected to cover everything- they stopped buying me clothes, paying for school trips etc I think it is fine to make it clear that things that are not necessities such as holidays may not be affordable, but I think worrying children needlessly about your financial situation is not a great idea. However, when they are older I think it is a good idea to charge rent etc if they have a full time job as it does make them more aware of what things cost.

dittany · 15/04/2008 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AMumInScotland · 15/04/2008 17:06

I would try not to worry them about the necessities being covered - any child that has to worry whether there'll be food on the table, shoes on their feet or a roof over their head is going to be suffering.

But to understand that some of the nice-but-you-could-live-without-it things have to be managed without is perfectly reasonable. And having the option of a Saturday job to make them more affordable is fair - most of us have a choice of working longer hours to afford more stuff.

allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 17:07

my 8yr old dd knows all about our hefty mortgage, and that if i dont go to work then we will have nowhere to live!

mumeeee · 15/04/2008 20:10

It is perfectly reasonable for a 14 year old to know about your day to day finances.

sussies · 15/04/2008 21:21

I have always tried to tell my kids what we can and can not afford, I live in fear that they end up like DH and a spend thrift. In fact I did to much of a good job. DD was looking at the ice creams in a shop and I asked her if she would like one? She replied, that no she shouldn't, as we have a mortgage don't you know; In front of every one! I was very

sussies · 15/04/2008 21:21

BTW she was 4.

sarah293 · 15/04/2008 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Chipstick · 15/04/2008 21:36

We have a book where every month I write all of our bills/direct debits and I have regularly shared this with our dd7.

I work in finance and I can't believe how many first time buyers come in for mortgages with absolutely no idea about the cost of council tax/utilities etc. Their parents have obviously never shared that sort of information with them.

wannaBe · 15/04/2008 21:57

I think there needs to be middle ground.

I don't think that it is helpful to lay the responsibility of not being able to afford the mortgage/food/clothes on to children, but I do think that one of the reasons why students for example get into so much debt is that they are not brought up with enough financial awareness.

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