What age should teens be let in on the realitlies of family finances?

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When they are little we protect them from money worries that they have no concept of.

My DD nearly 14 is looking at holidays atm and as I've paid for two expensive school trips I've told her we may not be going abroad as usual.

The reality is that its not just the holiday I'm struggling with atm. Its everything. Is it reasonable for kids to be told at this age?

Mine is told when we are having a tight month, that we will be having a freezer/store cupboard month and he will be having packed lunches for school. He normally does very well, and I am beginning to think that I should go back to my teens, where 'big' presents only appeared at Christmas and birthdays.

I do spend loads on Amazon for him, as he has read a lot of the school library, and English books out here are expensive; the same with games, most are in Dutch or French.

He has worked out that if he gets me to pay he doesn't spend his pocket money though! His account looks quite healthy!

I have to agree that it is more stressful to grow up without a clue about finances. Both DH and I grew up in old-fashioned households where money matters were not a topic open for discussion and we were utterly clueless when we were first married.

Perhaps it is because we have made frequent moves involving damage deposits and start up costs that we have shared this kind of information with our children from a young age.

I agree that I would not worry them about making ends meet but I would certainly be honest about not being able to afford holidays.

I love chipstick's idea. I wish that we were organised enough to have such a book...

I was grown up before I realized that my parents had said no to things in my teenage years because we couldn't afford them, rather than because they were being unreasonable. And that a lot of my father's somewhat short temper was worrying about money.

I often say to mine - "OK we can do this or this - which is it to be?' or " You can have a T shirt from H and M - or we can take the same amount of money to a charity shop and see what we can find" I also try to make sure they realize that they are luckier than a lot of children.

I see no reaon why a 14 year old shouldn't know that money is tight - and that she is in a position to earn some for herself if she wants stuff that doesn't fit with the family budget.

My parents were completely useless with money and would rather spend than save. In fact my father always talks about how he'd rather die penniless and have had a great time than rich and unhappy. He does rather equate happiness with spending money, but in a going out for meals and holiday way rather than material possessions.

This didn't help me growing up at all. I had no idea about budgeting but soon had to learn but I really did learn the hard way. My parents now regularly consult me on financial matters as I know far more than they do regarding mortgages and other financial products.

They did, when I was growing up, talk about things like "going on an economy drive" but that was always in a humourous way.

I think giving your children the tools and knowledge to manage their finances from an early gift is a sensible and generous gift to give.

Thanks for all the replies. I've had a word and she's not going to put pressure on re a holiday this year. I explained about the delay in wages that's put my bank in arrears and how banks charge. Also a bit about how I organise the finances. Investments that have lost money instead of gaining due to credit crunch and hopefully things will improve!! She's fine about it.

It's not a though we are flat broke, yet anyway, (a little bit of money was inherited due to the sad loss of my mum some years ago).

She just asked if we could go for a meal together when she's finished her SATs so I said of course we'll go to happy hour.

A lesson for both of us there on the downturn in the economy as well as 'dont count your chickens before they hatch'.

Well done! It is a fine balance between letting them feel part of the family discussions and weighing them down with too much depressing thoughts; you seem to have done very well.

It's all in how it's said, really. I remember my parents were very good with this. Money was often tight when I grew up and we had a standing family joke about being on the brink of ruin (but never quite falling in). We knew that some months were tight and this was openly admitted, but because mum and dad spoke of it cheerfully and with courage, we were never seriously frightened (except big brother who was a wimp!. I think sharing this knowledge helped family closeness. Being snapped at for reasons we couldn't understand wouldn't have done nearly as well.

I have no compunction in saying to my 7-and 11yo that we'll have to eat cheaper food for a while because we took out a mortgage to have the loft done.

Can I add something from the other perspective.

Teenagers are not stupid and that's why it's good to share this with them. But don't do what my parents in law did (and still do ) which is make out they are poverty stricken when they have a generous income and inherited wealth (and yes I do know, as my husband now has to manage their financial affairs, and they both had good jobs at a time when women on the whole did not).

All that did for him was make him very profligate - because they did not teach him the REAL value of money, unlike mine who showed me that careful budgeting and spending meant you could then have nice stuff at the end of it.

I'm just glad that a few years ago he managed to get a well paid job, since his extravagances were putting quite a strain on our relationship.

Abouteve, I know you've already spolen to your dd, and I tihnk you did the right thing. I was also never worried as a child about food, heating, house etc but I did know that for example, one year (at about your dd's age), we had no holiday because my dad needed a new car and my two older sisters were at university. Now, with my own two much smaller children, I don't buy them everything they want, even if we can afford it, as I want them to learn about waiting for things and that money is not always readily available.

i think it's good to teach your kids the value of money and explain to them why you cant afford certain things like holidays so they know what to expect.

but my parents used to really offload their stress about money onto me,by arguing about money where i could hear and telling me how bad things were with money and i could really see how much it was upsetting them and how stressed they were, and my dad always used to go off on these huge long rants at me about money and how many hours he has to work and how much he hates his job, just to pay for the house and the food and the car and i used to get really upset and cry in my room for hours and stay up late worrying that because of me and my brother my dad hated his life and i felt really guilty and helpless all the time because i wanted to help but couldn't.
this was between the ages of 11-up until now (nearly 20) i moved out of home a few months ago because the atmosphere was too stressed all the time and i felt that if i left they would have much less of a strain on them.

so i really don't think it's fair to discuss financial issues infront of your children in those terms...in a really stressy way.
because even though teenagers need to learn about life and earning money and everything they shouldn't be forced to take on adult concerns and issues too soon.

I think it's possible to explain about the value of money without scaring kids witless.
When my sister and I were younger (about 9 and 11) Mum & Dad couldn't afford a holiday one year but they explained that instead we could have 3 special family days out which they spread out over the summer. We were more than happy and it felt good to be consulted/trusted.

I never have, they don't need to know. DD is almost 13, DS 11.

They get £15 per week allowance out of which they have to buy their school lunches. If they need extra, they have to work for it. We have a list of chores along with set prices of what I am willing to pay for satisfactory performance. I also get to decide what I want done/if I want anything done (Ironing is my current favourite for contracting-out). Oh, and I also deduct money from their allowance if their rooms are not Roomba friendly each morning before they go to school.

They live in a large expensive house with two working parents, one of which (DH) earns more than enough for everything we need and most of what we don't. We are better off than any of their friends parents. They know that even though we are not struggling for money that does not mean they will be handed it on a plate. If they want money to spend, they have to work for it. Just like everyone else.

'I do think that one of the reasons why students for example get into so much debt is that they are not brought up with enough financial awareness.'

Actually, I think students get into debt because student finance is loaned, rather than granted these days.

Pixiella, I feel very sorry that your parents have put you & your brother through this. You're only 19 and your dad has put this guilt trip on you? Please don't take it personally - he probably just needs to rant at someone, anyone. Is your brother still at home? Make sure he knows its not his fault either. Your dad was just looking for excuses for not leaving his rotten job & re-training, finding something he likes. How childish.

If my children ask for things i will answer "i don't have any money for toys/sweets today"

they will know when things are tight or if we have some extra cash to spare.

i don't think children should be burdened with financial worries but at the same time they should learn responsibility.

At 14 i think she is plenty old enough to know that money doesn't grow on tree's and that we cannot haev it all ways.
school trips are expensive, as are holidays.