Dd recently turned 15, up until then we have had a very good relationship.
She had been hinting about wanting a birthday party for months and I was never going to agree to it as the house has just been refurbished. Then a couple of new friends (with troubled history) joined her friendship group and I reluctantly agreed to have her close friends over on her birthday (to keep an eye on them and prevent them getting hammered at the local park) and treated them to sushi and a couple of cocktails, unbeknown to me they had smuggled in 2 litres of vodka.
A few days later Dh discovered a pack of cigarettes in her school bag so we grounded her. The following day she mentioned having an after school club and would be back later which we agreed. As the day went on I became suspicious of this and emailed the teacher who advised she hadn’t been to the club. When I confronted her that evening she erupted with a load of expletives about me snooping on her and said she had been at a friend's house.
Next day was non eventful and then on the weekend I had a heart to heart about how worried we are about her. With the changes in her friendship group and they now think it’s normal to chug a litre of vodka while getting ready at someone’s house before going out for dinner. Then take more vodka out with them in water bottles and share the cheapest food on the menu while necking neat vodka. They have also started hanging out in a local park afterwards with older boys who smoke weed and she turns her location off and ignores any attempts from us to contact her. I ended up crying, she started crying, we both apologised and I thought it had sunk in.
That afternoon, she begged to go to one of her old friends' birthday dinners, she promised not to drink and would be home by 10pm. As this is an old friend and a nice girl I agreed. She went out, was a little late getting back but texted to advise there was a delay getting home and all was fine.
She had been using a shared family laptop and I decided to look at her activity and discovered a right can of worms. One of the new friends asked her to see if any of the older guys they had met in the park had an empty house they could go to and if they could bring weed. Another about needing an ambulance on a night out with too much vodka and weed. Sourcing multiple fake ids and using a parents paypal account to pay for them, WTAF!! Photos with them smoking joints. Drinking vodka in the park in school uniform. Videos of her and all the friends drinking at a friend's house when she was supposed to be at the after school club. Meeting the friend for birthday dinner was also nonsense, she had gone out for dinner and drinks with the other friends and blown out the old friend.
I decided to make contact with all of the girl's parents and make them aware of how they are all behaving as it's gone from a little bit risky to dangerous and some have too much parental freedom. That was a draining day of awkward conversations, some of them maybe thought I was nuts, some of them were also concerned.
I found it difficult to keep my shit together and lost it at dinner that evening, tried to grab her phone, don't know why it became about the phone but it did, we had a tussle, I almost rugby tackled her and she ran up to her room very upset with me. Dad went to console her and understandably I got told to F off..
Over the next 2 days I received pure hatred from her, to the extent I thought she was on drugs as her behaviour was so different to anything we have ever seen. Then she logged out of icloud and stopped sharing her location, bunked off lessons, went out after school and came home at bedtime and avoided contact with us, didn't respond to any calls/texts/whatsapp etc.
I called a meeting with the school, who claimed they were about to call me as they had also noticed a change in her behaviour. I attribute this to the change in friendship group and school just offered me tissues and took notes.
I called the Police for advice and was invited into the station to discuss my concerns and show them the photos and snap messages. They asked if I was worried about grooming or dealing drugs and said they would refer her details to social services to follow-up.
A few days later there was an afternoon event at school, while there I got a call advising she & 2 friends had been seen leaving school earlier in the afternoon and were nowhere to be found. They appeared before the event ended and got pulled in to talk to the head and write an apology. Dh lost his shit that night and grabbed the phone, which resulted in her running away from home. Her friends called her and I answered without saying anything for a while then told them she had run away and to send her home before I send the police to either of their houses. One of the friends parents called to update that she was indeed at their house and both girls would run away if I sent the police so I dropped her uniform and school bag off there to make sure she was sorted for the next day and safe that night.
School considered suspending them but have a safeguarding obligation to one of the girls which seems to render her exempt from any consequences. They did get the local Police team in to address the year group and then the smaller group of friends about dangerous behaviour and will be providing support in Y11, it felt like the end of term so it's over to you parents, have a nice summer....
We booked a last minute holiday to put some space between it all and see if we could rekindle some of the old ways. The day before we were due to go away she got caught shoplifting, from the day we went it was when are we going home? How long have I got to put up with all of you? There were the odd moments when she relaxed and it was nice but short lived and she was back on the phone and then arsey with us.
If you have read this far, thank you. I know I've maybe overreacted to some of the stuff and shouldn't have gone snooping but I also want to protect my Dd and get her through the last year of school without some life changing shite happening to her.
Social Services came to visit today and have offered to open up a case and support us as a family, she said its a waste of time as it was weeks ago. Given how her mood changes in a heartbeat I'm up for all the help we can get right now. What would you do?