Weed

[Bruegelsmom]

DS is 18 in a week. Last year when he was 17 I found weed related stuff in his room. He went on the defensive saying all his mates used it etc. I gave him what t thought was a sensible drugs talk. And warned him I didn’t want it in house.

I thought it was a phase because there has been nothing since. He’s doing well at sixth form and is off to uni in September. He has a part time job and doesn’t need money from us. Apart from a bit of attitude now and then he’s a good kid.

however putting washing away today and found a lighter and some papers. So he still doing it.

DH says to leave it. He doesn’t smoke at home and we both know we will end up in a row with him. DH makes the point he is an adult in a few days, we’ve already had ‘the talk’ so what’s the point?

i don’t know what to do. I’m upset and worried but realise I can’t make him stop.

WWYD?

Hopeful bump

It could have been for a normal roll up, which isn’t great, I know. I hate to tell you, but all his mates probably are using it, you can talk to him until the cows come home, he probably won’t stop yet. Maybe he’ll get into a group at uni who don’t use it much. It seems that weed has replaced alcohol a lot - tbh that’s probably safer.

In a weeks time he will be a legal adult. I appreciate he lives under your roof, but if he doesn’t do it at home (yes it’s not great) surely it’s his decision? I always found the more my mum told me not to do something, the more I tried to do it.

If he doesn’t have weed at home, surely that’s on his own head if he’s caught with it out of the home? Not an ideal situation I know, but I do agree with your DH.

Devils advocate though - How do you know they aren’t the same ones from last time?

Ask him how he feels about young black men being stabbed or an 8 year old girl being murdered in Liverpool. Which he condones by his actions.

'All my friends do it' is no excuse.

Weed is legal in a lot of places and plenty of people live upstanding and functional lives while also partaking. It's not meth or heroin. What's the worst thing he's going to do after getting high, order a pizza?

Teenagers rarely react well to being told things like this.

I know it's true and many of the teens I know who smoke weed know it's true, but it doesn't actually make them stop.

How is this true? Absolutely ridiculous statement. By that logic when we eat too much shit we are part of the rise of diabetes and obesity in children. When we partake in social media we are part of the rise of MH issues in young people.

OP, I agree with your DH. I’m assuming that you wouldn’t be so worried about alcohol, which is also bad for health. Is it the illegality you are worried about? Many many people have smoked weed at this age and been successful in their lives, it doesn’t sound like he’s giving you any reason to think he won’t.

he is condoning people trafficking and child slavery. that weed was very probably grown by children being kept as slaves within a few miles of where you are.

he is also going to give himself permanent brain damage - he will not get the university grades he could get, because he is lowering his IQ. And risking serious mental illness.

it is not acceptable, and you should not be condoning it by your silence. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms is is not acceptable, and make sure he knows you mean it

Buying drugs illegally creates a chain where some of the people in the chain are being exploited.
It's a bit different to the other actions you mentioned above.

With respect there is no way he is smoking cannabis at a level that will give him brain damage. He’s usually at work or college and as I said he’s doing well. His opportunities for it are fairly limited so I do think it’s occasional use.

whilst I’m concerned I do want to avoid dramatics. I have had a talk to him about the criminal gangs last time.

Thing is I can say I don’t condone it but he’s an adult. I can’t confiscate his phone for example!

Theres a real range of responses on here! Food for thought. Thank you.

I would go down the route of the dangers to the growing brain - the brain isn't fully developed until they are in their mid 20s and smoking weed can cause serious issues with dopamine production, psychosis, brain development stunted, mental health issues and so on. It's badly downplayed by most users, but when you consider long term users and how their lives usually turn out it's not great.

Oh don't tell him this. Yes it could have been grown by trafficked people, but isn't always. Yes it can cause brain damage but most people it doesn't and he will think like I did when my mum spouted this stuff that it is bollocks and then ignore you about the sensible issues.

Buying clothes in primark, buying mobile phones and electric cars where children work in mines to produce our batteries, buying counterfeit handbags, buying produce from countries who are bombing schools… just a few things that people do every day where some people in the chain are being exploited. All awful and it’s good to be aware and avoid, but the pious ‘he’s condoning this’ attitude here is bizarre to me. But I rejoice if you are all living a pure life where none of your actions impact others negatively.

You're wrong there is proof now it's not good for developing brains.He'a a teen still under your roof OP I would try and tell hiim, about this.He may npt listen but at least if you look up the facts he can makr an informed choice.I eas talking to a teacher who works with youth the other day wgo had been trying to do this the kids seems ll imformed.
God I hate the smell of it.

It's a difficult one and I don't think you should make a massive deal out of it, it's probably just occasional use with friends. A talk about side effects couldn't hurt.
If it's any consolation my DH used to smoke quite a lot when he was in 6th form/uni but grew out of it and never smokes it now. He never experienced paranoia etc and has a good job, good dad and all that now!

My dd uses it too and has done for a while. Its common place with teens round here but what I don't like about it, apart from the smell and the illegality and likely criminal networks behind it, is she feels she "has" to have it due to mental health issues (but when she goes on holiday with us, she happily does without after an hour or 2 of moaning). She does see a drugs counsellor though, on and off, and is "trying to cut down".

But she's over 18 and has a job, so other than encouraging her to cut down and stop, there's not a lot we can do. Plus she rarely drinks alcohol (whereas I was a daily drinker for years at her age....)

The whole weed industry is based on people trafficking and child slavery. If weed smokers don't like hearing that, tough. It is what they personally are condoning. Yes, even the ones who say they grow their own, are still propping up modern slavery

People don't seem to think these child slaves are real people, with real feelings. I have met several, and I can assure you they are

But the problem is, is that her DC's mate will know someone that has a grow house in their basement. Giving untrue absolutes to teens is a recipe for them not listening. They know everything at that age (as did we) so are quick to dismiss things that can be disproved.
Obviously the drugs trade is abhorrent. Personally I would legalise it all and regulate and tax it.

There's always this attitude that if you do one single wrong thing that you have no right to have an opinion on any other wrong things.
I don't do most of the things you list there, though I do have a phone and I may well be buying from countries that bomb schools.
I'd be doing none of these things if they were illegal.

I know young people who smoke weed and my original point was that there's no point in saying this to these people as they will not want to hear it. So you've picked up on my post but I was not the pious one suggesting he was condoning it, I think it's a lot more complex than that.

I don't do any of those things, what is your point?

Suppose I bought shoes in Primark.

Does that make it ok that there are 3 South Asian boys under 12 being held captive in a house 5 miles from you without education, food and medical care, forced to care for the plants feeding your son's habit having been ripped away from their homes and families and smuggled into the UK illegally?

Or is that all fine, cos combination padlock is wearing shoes from primark? Let those boys starve.

And people who grow it themselves (or claim to) are just piggybacking on the slave trade. They are benefitting from the market and conforming to the price structure and supporting the industry by helping give it a "respectable" facade

What good do you think it would do to legalise it and regulate it and tax it?

Do you honestly think a regulated and taxed product could ever compete in price with a product produced by slaves?

All it will do is make the slaves harder to detect and save, as there will be so much misdirection and deceit in covering up and pretending the slave produced product is legal.

Do you think demand for weed will rise if it is legal? if yes, are you ok with even more young people giving themselves serious mental illnesses and lowering their IQ? If no, how do you imagine "legal" weed is going to compete with slave grown weed?

No, it is not more complex.

Young children are ripped away from their homes and families, smuggled into the uk (many will die and be disposed of on the journey) and forced into slavery growing weed.

Thousands of them

If you buy weed you are supporting this industry and colluding with child slavery - even if you are buying from someone who grows their own, or think you are.

This is a site for mums, how can any mum call it being "pious" to object to this treatment of someone elses children?

I have fostered 3 such slaves after release and they didn't even know how to use a bed

I can see when you’ve had first hand experiences looking after these children you will of course have especially strong opinions and want to make everyone aware to stop this happening to any other child. That’s not pious in my view. Of course it’s possible to condemn both trafficking and other capitalist practices that exploit people, and I would condemn both.

But I’m talking about a righteous attitude that comes out on topics like this which I find totally unhelpful and is not likely to benefit the OP in speaking to her son. I suspect most on the thread don’t agree. I appreciate what you are saying @EarthlyNightshade , that it’s your post I quoted but you have a more nuanced stance so apologies to pick you out.

Exactly this.

But I see already that the Whataboutters have already posted in response banging on about mobile phones and electric cars and it not being as bad as alcohol. Ok then.

I work with trafficked kids taken from grow houses btw.

Loads of women on MN are weed addicts as are their partners. So they have to justify it to themselves.🤷‍♂️