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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teen on holiday question

30 replies

Spanielmom · 18/07/2024 18:34

Sounds a weird one but I’m taking my 17 year old son to Icmeler in Turkey for a holiday next month and he’s asked me if we can do the ferry trip to Rhodes for the day to meet up with a girl he’s been chatting to online for a good few months. She’s definitely real, I’ve seen her on FaceTime and she’s the same age and she asked if we wanted her to show us round the sites while we were there.
all very nice but my son actually wants to go off for a few hours for coffee maybe lunch to spend some time just him and her. They’re not bf and gf by the way. Just friends.
I just don’t know how I feel about it. He’s a sensible kid just pretty quiet, not your typical 17 y/o. What are your thoughts. Am I being over protective?
you hear some scary stories that’s all and being in a different country makes it worse for me. Any advice will be welcome

OP posts:
dottiehens · 18/07/2024 18:53

You are right to be concerned. There is so much going on with teens on holidays. I feel that we are not as free and safe as before but pretty sure most here will advise you that is fine.

Spanielmom · 18/07/2024 18:58

Thanks for the reply. I know I can’t wrap him in cotton wool but my mind automatically goes to something dodgy. She seems very much like my son, a bit of a computer nerd 😂 and I dont believe he’s silly enough to put himself at risk. Maybe I’ll just have to follow him at a discreet distance

OP posts:
Redhil · 18/07/2024 19:52

Op, dont let him go... we literally can not take care of ourselves (especially alone) as adults in these foreign countries let alone a 17 year old. I' know these things usually end up being ok but there's alot of occasions it's not fine. Don't end up as the next daily mail story.

Spanielmom · 18/07/2024 20:11

I think I’ll have a chat with them both and say I’m happy to meet up but I’ll be going along. Kind of hoping he changes his mind before then

OP posts:
Redhil · 18/07/2024 20:15

Spanielmom · 18/07/2024 20:11

I think I’ll have a chat with them both and say I’m happy to meet up but I’ll be going along. Kind of hoping he changes his mind before then

Or hopefully her parents say no first so you're not the bad guy 🤣. Good luck either way and hope you all have lovely hols.

parietal · 18/07/2024 20:15

So you & son can take the ferry, meet girl, then you split up so you do stuff alone while he and girl wander around some sites or hang out in a different cafe and you all meet up at the end of the day. That would be safe and easy but give him some space.

GinForBreakfast · 18/07/2024 20:20

parietal · 18/07/2024 20:15

So you & son can take the ferry, meet girl, then you split up so you do stuff alone while he and girl wander around some sites or hang out in a different cafe and you all meet up at the end of the day. That would be safe and easy but give him some space.

This. Rhodes is pretty safe if you are sticking to towns or established beaches.

Spanielmom · 18/07/2024 20:30

Redhil · 18/07/2024 20:15

Or hopefully her parents say no first so you're not the bad guy 🤣. Good luck either way and hope you all have lovely hols.

Here’s hoping

OP posts:
Romeiswheretheheartis · 18/07/2024 21:40

parietal · 18/07/2024 20:15

So you & son can take the ferry, meet girl, then you split up so you do stuff alone while he and girl wander around some sites or hang out in a different cafe and you all meet up at the end of the day. That would be safe and easy but give him some space.

I agree with this too. He's 17, wanting to go for a chat in the middle of the day. There are 17 year olds going on group holidays to Aya Napa. I think the risks for him are very minimal.

Spanielmom · 19/07/2024 08:45

Romeiswheretheheartis · 18/07/2024 21:40

I agree with this too. He's 17, wanting to go for a chat in the middle of the day. There are 17 year olds going on group holidays to Aya Napa. I think the risks for him are very minimal.

To be honest I’ve seen this girl on line and she looks as socially awkward as my son 😂. I’ll suggest we all meet grab a drink and go from there. She said she’d be happy to show us both around but I’d like to at least let them have lunch together or an hour on the beach

OP posts:
Udouju · 19/07/2024 14:32

This is a tricky one isn't it?

I'm a super cautious parent by nature - overly so I'd say. My first inclination would be not to go tbh.

But then again, I'm torn.

Is it just you and he going on holiday? Kind of leaves you on your own worrying a bit doesn't it, with no one to share your concerns with?

How reliable is he usually? Good timekeeper? Comes home at agreed times usually/keeps to agreed curfews etc? You'd need to catch the ferry going back by a certain time no doubt? Would he be reliable to get back to you in good time? Confident enough to speak up and say he's had a great time but needs to go now? You'd need to consider all these things I think.

Have you seen her social media accounts? Are they visible? I'd screenshot the he'll out of everything as a backup.

(I did say I'm an overly cautious parent, absolutely no one come at me please).

Would he be open to using the Life360 app / air tag etc/snapchat (or all, as a safetynet purely as hes meeting a stranger in a foreign country), just in case he gets lost or something along those lines? If he's reluctant to that then that'd be a hard no from me.

Above everything else they'd need to be a grown up conversation about personal responsibility and respect to you and your concerns, whilst also respecting his feelings etc.

I do find this time of transitioning into young adulthood the trickiest to steer - they know it all don't they? So much confidence.

Spanielmom · 19/07/2024 15:15

Udouju · 19/07/2024 14:32

This is a tricky one isn't it?

I'm a super cautious parent by nature - overly so I'd say. My first inclination would be not to go tbh.

But then again, I'm torn.

Is it just you and he going on holiday? Kind of leaves you on your own worrying a bit doesn't it, with no one to share your concerns with?

How reliable is he usually? Good timekeeper? Comes home at agreed times usually/keeps to agreed curfews etc? You'd need to catch the ferry going back by a certain time no doubt? Would he be reliable to get back to you in good time? Confident enough to speak up and say he's had a great time but needs to go now? You'd need to consider all these things I think.

Have you seen her social media accounts? Are they visible? I'd screenshot the he'll out of everything as a backup.

(I did say I'm an overly cautious parent, absolutely no one come at me please).

Would he be open to using the Life360 app / air tag etc/snapchat (or all, as a safetynet purely as hes meeting a stranger in a foreign country), just in case he gets lost or something along those lines? If he's reluctant to that then that'd be a hard no from me.

Above everything else they'd need to be a grown up conversation about personal responsibility and respect to you and your concerns, whilst also respecting his feelings etc.

I do find this time of transitioning into young adulthood the trickiest to steer - they know it all don't they? So much confidence.

Edited

Ive seen her myself on FaceTime so I know she’s real, I mean you never know these days. I think you’re right tho a proper conversation needs to be had.
he’s a sensible lad I don’t for a second think he’d be lured into something dangerous. He sees her as a friend and I think it’s just the novelty of meeting up with her in a foreign land. May give him the option of life360 or I go with him. He grew up as a Covid kid so it’s made him quiet and awkward socially so there’d be no funny business.
you’re like me tho very over cautious. End of the day no matter how old they are they’re still our babies

OP posts:
Udouju · 19/07/2024 18:42

Actually, I'm having 2nd thoughts, drinks can be spiked etc etc.

If meeting, then not to wander off and be within sight - have a nice lunch together perhaps but no wandering off.

Spanielmom · 19/07/2024 18:59

Udouju · 19/07/2024 18:42

Actually, I'm having 2nd thoughts, drinks can be spiked etc etc.

If meeting, then not to wander off and be within sight - have a nice lunch together perhaps but no wandering off.

You’re totally in my wavelength. He’s agreed for us to have life360 on our phones and I’ve said we will all meet up and we can grab a drink so I can get the measure of her. Then we can maybe go and see the sights together then I’ll give them an hour on the beach while I grab a coffee extremely near by haha

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JuneSoon · 19/07/2024 19:09

He grew up as a Covid kid so it’s made him quiet and awkward socially so there’d be no funny business.

There's no such thing as a "Covid Kid" - they were locked down for a short time and released into the wild years ago.

Kids his age are off to uni next year - how will he cope? Actually, how will you cope, OP?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 19/07/2024 19:09

I understand some of your concerns but not what you mean by him being a covid kid. Our 2 are 18 and 16 so similar ages to your ds.

I think all meeting together for a bit and then if you all feel happy giving them some time to themselves would be a good idea. Give yourselves plenty of leeway timewise to get back to the ferry.

Spanielmom · 19/07/2024 21:55

JuneSoon · 19/07/2024 19:09

He grew up as a Covid kid so it’s made him quiet and awkward socially so there’d be no funny business.

There's no such thing as a "Covid Kid" - they were locked down for a short time and released into the wild years ago.

Kids his age are off to uni next year - how will he cope? Actually, how will you cope, OP?

How very rude. You don’t know my son or any difficulties he faced during lock down. We lost his grandparents to Covid which left him very closed off. I didn’t ask for your opinion of my son I asked a simple question. Maybe think before you judge

OP posts:
BarbedButterfly · 19/07/2024 22:05

Honestly, I think you are being a bit cautious but a lot of 17 year olds I know are off alone on holidays which may influence me.

He could move out at some point soon and not even tell you what he's doing. As long as they stay in public places then I wouldn't have an issue. By 17 he either has common sense or he doesn't and this is a good way of testing that.

JuneSoon · 20/07/2024 05:10

Not rude at all. You are the one giving him a daft label - Covid Kid - and describing him as socially awkward. Well, he clearly wants to overcome that hence he's been chatting to this girl and now wants to meet her in person. And you're getting in a tizz because you're afraid ... of what exactly?

Could it be your anxiety that's made him socially awkward?

GoldFrame · 20/07/2024 05:21

I know exactly what you mean by the Covid kid thing @Spanielmom

But I guess he’s old enough to decide what to do. Especially if you’re satisfied she’s real!

iloveallthis · 20/07/2024 05:34

Could you go to a theme park or a water park with them?

They could go and have some fun while you do your own thing and set a meeting place to meet up.

Set some rules. The rules being that they don't leave the park or drink alcohol.
They meet up at the given time and place. They have charged up phones and your son has you on snapchat maps so you can check on his whereabouts.

I agree it's a difficult one but it's a different country. Yes there's other 17 year olds going to Rhodes on group holidays but it doesn't sound like your son is ready for that.

Spanielmom · 20/07/2024 06:24

JuneSoon · 20/07/2024 05:10

Not rude at all. You are the one giving him a daft label - Covid Kid - and describing him as socially awkward. Well, he clearly wants to overcome that hence he's been chatting to this girl and now wants to meet her in person. And you're getting in a tizz because you're afraid ... of what exactly?

Could it be your anxiety that's made him socially awkward?

Yes perhaps my anxiety plays a part as it should as a mother. Don’t you watch the news. You’ve given your opinion we clearly have very different ideas let’s leave it at that.. Good day to you

OP posts:
sashh · 20/07/2024 07:01

What about meeting her family? So you and Ds with the girl and a parent or two, or a gran.

Then do something where they are not out of sight, so as someone has already said a water park or the beach or even a wander around a town / village.

JuneSoon · 20/07/2024 09:56

You’ve given your opinion we clearly have very different ideas let’s leave it at that..

That's not how a chat forum works. And it's good to have someone point out how your anxiety might be having an adverse effect on your son.

I've got a DD(19) so I get it. I'd be encouraging they meet up for a drink at a cafe then a stroll around town - both without me. With DD I've drummed it into her not to drink something she hasn't watched being poured and never leave her drink unattended. In this situation I'd advise her to stay in the town, not go back to the friend's home.

Go on, OP, show your lad you trust him and the world is an exciting place when you're 17.

Cluelessbutwilling · 20/07/2024 10:14

I’m with @JuneSoon on this one and indeed he could be off to Uni this September as my DD was still 17 at this point of the year. Went on a girls holiday after A Levels - not a clubbing destination but still!
Also a Covid kid missing out on sitting both GCSE and AS exams. The independent travel was the making of her, gave her confidence in her ability to be independent before starting uni and the following year she went to work in the USA for the summer and then travelled alone for 10 days and is back there working again this year.
Agree with the tracker - everyone in our family has them for everyone else.
And yes I was anxious sometimes - often indeed - as she navigated flights/trains/buses on the other side of the world but all well.