Teaching teenagers is impacting my mental health

[Hotchocolate92]

I've been teaching teens for about 5 years now. Sometimes I find it really frays my mental health. Constant boundary setting, constantly having to push back and prove yourself and justify why you have chosen to do things as you have. Do all teens demand so many explanations for everything? How do teens have a strange ability to make me doubt myself so much? Sometimes I come out of work feeling very small, even after standing up for myself all day. Can anybody else relate?

I can. I left teaching.

I work in an office now but do occasionally go into secondary schools as a volunteer to teach a subject.

Now I’ve left I hate it even more.

Im dropping the volunteering.

Unfortunately, it is kind of in the neurology of a teen to question everything. If it’s within the boundary of questioning and not insulting.

I can imagine how difficult that is to deal with in a daily basis though. However, a lot of their behaviour will have nothing to do with you personally. They test boundaries naturally with everyone, with individual differences accounting for the severity of such boundary testing.

I think any secondary teacher these days is made of strong stuff. I don’t think I could do it.

Thanks for your reply Ruffpuff. That's a really fair point. I understand it's kind of the way their brains are wired/developing. Perhaps the issue more recently is that my self esteem has taken a hit and I'm not sure where the boundary between normal teen questioning/disrespect is.

It's valid that it's nothing personal and teens do that to everybody, thanks! I need to keep that in mind. Perhaps reading more into the teen brain could help me to analyse behaviour and understand neurological factors behind their actions and stop me taking it to heart (out of the classroom!) quite so much.

Teens are literally programmed to question all authority figures. Was this not explicit in your pedagogical training?

I do some work with teens I expect them to challenge me on everything and I rejoice that they do. We want critical thinkers, change makers that is how you make them.

Maybe you would prefer adult learners? Different strokes for different folks. Best of luck.

Congrats for making it out! Do you enjoy the office environment more? Could I ask what kind of role you transitioned into? Good on you for dropping the volunteering if it's not where your heart is at anymore.

Sometimes I just dream of going into work to sit somewhere and get on with my own tasks without having to coordinate a room full of (sometimes reluctant) people. It's making me doubt teaching is for me longterm.

@Marblessolveeverything I assume there is questioning and then there is questioning, all depends on how and why they do it

I did it for 20 years. Left now though, thankfully. Everyone was dismayed that I didn’t want to carry on for another 20! No thanks. It was physically and mentally training and it sucked the life out of me. I was good at it, and I enjoyed it (mostly) but my god it was hard going.

@Marblessolveeverything haha indeed, this was made obvious and has been the case throughout my career. It's great that you find joy and can find the positives in teens challenging you and thinking critically. In your work with teens, how have you encouraged them to challenge you as an authority figure constructively and reinforced that challenging us should be done respectfully? That's kind of what I'm struggling with currently with a new class.

In my experience, teens speak the truth and when they tell me that something is boring/frustrating etc it's been a good moment for me to reflect, change activity staging/challenge/scaffolding, and try again next time. I have just felt a bit stung and down about it this week.

Indeed, I've taught adults too (working abroad) and enjoyed that a lot! I also work with primary level (6-9years) and find the most satisfaction there.

Honestly I would be disappointed if they didn't push the boundaries it is literally programmed in. I was that teen it led me to becoming a barrister then education so I recognise the positives and it never rises me.

This just sounds like a bad fit, which is a challenge.

@Onehappymam wow, 20 years! That's amazing. It's great that you knew when to stop but also found some enjoyment in it. I think that's it, I'm just finding it so draining currently. When my mental health is flagging, I find teens chip away at me.

You've hit the nail on the head. It's a new group for me, we don't know each other and the rapport isn't there. Therefore, the questions that my established groups could ask me comfortably are coming off as rude I guess

@Hotchocolate92 it isn't for everyone all the time. As you say there isn't the foundation of trust so you are missing the context of the comments that those foundations instill.

Have you a peer you can bounce ideas off ? Maybe consider a role reversal with them, I find taking the ring leader early complimenting their self confidence and giving a task to present an element of the class.

Model supportive audience engagement and encourage their curiosity. I appreciate this can be scary, but at the end of the day they are kids, still scared of messing up.

In their world you are living a great life, no worries, not answerable to parents, money, having mad passionate love affairs etc etc. Bless their innocence.

@Marblessolveeverything thanks for your ideas! So true about the foundation of trust. I've had a chat with some colleagues today and pinpointed where that lesson went downhill and how rapport and trust can be built up again.

Pinpointing the leader for next time and trying to get that student onside should help considerably. I always try to model positivity, listening and politeness in class which can sometimes come off as me being a pushover; a few more hours of consistency should help us all get the level of each other.

Aw bless them indeed, that sounds like a dream, if only it was true 😅

Honestly, there are lots and lots of things I find difficult about teaching, but I do love working with teenagers. Yes, they're ridiculous at times, and sometimes you go to the staffroom at breaktime and have a good old rant about how ridiculous they are (and everyone else in there will be more than happy to back you up!) but at the end of the day, you're the adult, and they're still children, even if they're 6 inches taller than you!

Have confidence in your own decisions, and ignore a lot of their grumbling. It really helps if you have a supportive line manager.

I think once you're not even enjoying your interactions with the students, it's time to get out.

Ps I'm a bit old school I'm afraid - we were taught "don't smile before Christmas"! I find that being a bit of a dragon at the beginning, and setting very clear boundaries, ultimately creates a safe learning environment where everyone can learn. And then we can have fun, and have challenging discussions, safe in the knowledge that it's not going to get out of hand.

sounds like you are being bullied. It really isn't that deep. Don't let them bully you. If you are in a school where students are allowed to bully teachers, get out.

I do understand the frustration, I have been a secondary school teacher for 22 years now . Just when I think “just one more year “ I realise what a soft spot I have for them ! Yes , teenagers can be challenging, like we were , but the breakthrough moments and amazing young adults the vast majority turn into keeps me going .

Look we hit bumps only part of my role is with them for specific briefings and lessons so I get respite 😂. And I have had the feeling of being in a lions den on more than one occasion.

I do think there should be debriefings factored in for some sessions. I know when i do some cpd I really benefit and I leave the experience at the door then.

Mind yourself it ain’t easy, best of luck.

Are the teens challenging you on 'I want to sit with X' or 'I'm not going to take my coat off, it's cold' or 'I wasn't even talking, look at everyone else talking and you're picking on me'? It sounds more like they're challenging you on your teaching with 'this is boring'?

First type is normal teen stuff, the second one is more 'you've lost the class' stuff. Have you lost the class, because the advice then will be different.

@PickledMumion haha sage advice re: never smile before Christmas! Ranting in the staff room is also a relatable scene. It sounds like you get a lot of enjoyment from working with young people and seeing them develop, which is fabulous.

Yeah, it's a really fair comment about boundary setting. Respect is a big rule for me and perhaps I need to be more explicit about my expectations during discussions (the kids have English as a second language which muddies the waters with meaning sometimes).

Thanks! Yeah, deep breath and keep moving forward confidently or fake it till I make it. Ultimately I do enjoy the interactions but I've certainly gone through a recent craving for change.

Teenagers can sniff out a lack of confidence in their teachers.
This can be due to a lack of experience but also due to personality etc.

It's easy to say "just have more confidence!" but that's hard to do.

My tips are:

• Think about the tone you use. Don't use an upward intonation "can you sit down now? Please?". Instead use "Right, time to sit down. Good."

• Similarly, no need to get angry or fly off the handle. Expect good behaviour and be mildly surprised and disapproving when you don't get it, but don't get angry because it's not personal.

• Use interesting things as both a carrot and a stick for behaviour. My science subject is great for this: I have interesting demos set up and "oh I'll show you that at the end if we have time. Obviously if the lesson gets disrupted, we won't have time"

• If you don't have the knowledge to answer a question, admit this but without shame. "Oh interesting question, I'll look into it and see if I can find the answer for you. Or maybe you could and tell us what you've found out". Whereas I've found insecure teachers get flustered, apologise, or even make it up. But confident teachers simply find it quite interesting in the rare instance a student asks something they don't know.

@noblegiraffe yeah that's a fair distinction. Last lesson I lost the class. It hasn't happened to me in a couple of years honestly and it really shook me up. Obviously not a fun lesson for them, either. Managed to get them back on track with a mind break, game, and restarted activity X. It's left me dreading the next class though.

@combinationpadlock thanks for your support. I wouldn't say it's that; more that I had a class turn against me moment and this is probably a good moment to reflect on how that lesson disengaged them so much and also how to set clearer expectations for them for next time.

I'd caution against "don't smile before christmas". Obviously there's no need to be manic-cheery. But on the other hand, if you set out to be all stern and in battle-mode, that can come across as you anticipating/expecting poor behaviour.

Teenagers sniff out low expectations too. Their behaviour always, always descends to meet your low expectations.

@Mumoftwo1316 thanks for your tips! You sound like a great teacher. I agree with all of them, especially tone and remaining calm. When I get unknown questions, I normally say 'I'm not sure so let me write that down and check with a colleague' because it models openess to learning and lack of ego. Normally that goes down well, too.

Unfortunately the class could sense me crumbling and it was difficult to pull it back, which is a horrid feeling.