Teaching teenagers is impacting my mental health

[Hotchocolate92]

I've been teaching teens for about 5 years now. Sometimes I find it really frays my mental health. Constant boundary setting, constantly having to push back and prove yourself and justify why you have chosen to do things as you have. Do all teens demand so many explanations for everything? How do teens have a strange ability to make me doubt myself so much? Sometimes I come out of work feeling very small, even after standing up for myself all day. Can anybody else relate?

Yes, teens are programmed to question things, but that doesn't mean you should tolerate rudeness and disrespect. Feeling you lost the class over one lesson they found boring sounds a bit OTT. Are they expecting every single activity in every single lesson to be fascinating and fun? That's an unreasonable expectation, and they need to realise that.

I hope you don’t mind me jumping in but your post had some really great advice. I’m not a teacher but a cover supervisor (with 2 weeks experience!). Can I ask what your advice would be for me when I’m asked something that I don’t know, which I’m sure will happen all the time! Would the same approach work?

@AllProperTeaIsTheft I also felt their reaction was OTT and that their expectations were high and critical. It is kinda what they expect though, as I work has a USP of learner engagement, task based learning, that kind of stuff. So column A, column B.

I taught for a long time. For a decade, I was resilient and could meet the challenge and then at some point I broke and I started to feel vulnerable in the classroom. Like I had always gone in with my armour on - not in an aggressive, battleground kind of way but just some protective layer so it wasn't me in front of the class but the teacher version of me who could handle it all. Then one day it was me, the person, and everything that had never felt personal suddenly did.

For a long time after I left I would have anxiety dreams about teaching and suddenly realising I was wearing a dressing gown or pyjamas and those dreams were very on the nose. It was how I'd felt. It was so unsettling, after being a competent professional for so long, always getting outstanding observations and great exam results and then - I just couldn't keep going.

It was the right job for me until it wasn't. I'm much happier now.

Please don’t stress. We’ve all lost the class at times. Next lesson is a clean slate.

Maybe plan a really quiet one ~ instructions up on the white board and get them settled quickly. Lots to do. Don’t be ‘the entertainer’ or lead from the front as it allows them to go off task.

As for the ‘boring’ ~ make the end game clear. You need this for GCSE, next assignment, end of term progress review.

As for questions, you’d be glad to discuss that at the end of the lesson but have no time now. Trust me, they’re not hanging about in their break.

Keep your voice low. Use silence and looks (Paddington Bear hard stare). If there’s a difficult ring leader isolate them by asking them to step outside and have a quiet word. Don’t engage in front of the class which encourages them to play up.

Teenagers are hard and teaching them is exhausting. The important thing is to show them the room is your space and you are creating a safe learning environment for them within it. And funnily enough, they’ll thank you for that.

Are you in the UK? Odd time to get a new class.

@dapsnotplimsolls no, I live abroad

Have you thought about teaching a different age group ? Primary or college ? It might suit you better . There's loads of jobs that's for sure!

If you don't have the knowledge to answer a question, admit this but without shame. "Oh interesting question, I'll look into it and see if I can find the answer for you. Or maybe you could and tell us what you've found out". Whereas I've found insecure teachers get flustered, apologise, or even make it up. But confident teachers simply find it quite interesting in the rare instance a student asks something they don't know.

Very true. I teach 3 languages. I can't know every word. And sometimes the word for something slips my mind, or I can for some reason temporarily only recall it in one of my other languages! I just say 'That's gone right out of my head' or 'Hmm... interesting. I've never actually come across that word in that language' (if it's a less common word) and we look it up. No problem.

@WavingHomeComingQueens your post really struck a chord with me, thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you were hit with anxiety and that it also affected your sleep. Your nightmares about being in bedclothes sound so unsettling. Walking into class when you feel that vulnerable takes a lot of strength.

I feel similarly. I've been working with young people for a while and have just recently had a strong observation. Three months ago I felt capable, relaxed and competent but something seems to have changed and I am starting to feel resentful of all of the expectations placed upon teachers and increasingly insecure and perceived by my classes in an uncomfortable way. I understand I'm paid to fulfil my role and so I'm left wondering if it's perhaps no longer the role for me. Which would be fine

@theresnolimits thank you! For your kind words. It is so draining and I'm just feeling a bit burnt out.

Yeah I think that's a great idea. I'm planning to keep challenge high, create smooth slides with task instructions on, and minimise my talking time to what's needed so I can lead from the side and they can problem solve in groups.

What do you teach? I find telling them what they need to know is more effective in maths than getting them to try to figure it out themselves.

Yeah I think it would! I guess the difference is you might not see them again. So I'd go with "that sounds like an interesting discussion for another day, why not ask your teacher about it/I'll pass it onto your teacher"

@Soozikinzii so true! :) I also teach primary and I really enjoy that, it's a whole different ballgame. I'm required to teach all ages though, so teen classes are also ongoing.

@noblegiraffe ESL, so there's an emphasis in the industry on student centred learning and guided discovery and the teacher acting as a guide to check and error correct, as opposed to teachers presenting their knowledge from the top down ifyswim.

Thank you. I’ve been struggling a bit as it all seems so alien (I’ve moved from primary). I’m trying to pick up as many tips as I can!

Does your school have a list of tricky classes?

When this happened to me (had to leave as I'd been reduced to tears) there was a period when other members of staff would come and support - so help get them seated and settled in a task, stick around, regularly drop in and out at random points until a new calm had become reestablished.

Tbh they also realised they had pushed it too far seeing me like that and a few of them came and apologised independently after. But it did really shake me.

So try and ensure you get support to get you through this. They're not going to want to lose you over this.

Urgh.

Do you think you lost the class because the work was too difficult, or too easy for them?

Presenting high challenge to a new class can be tricky because teens hate having their confidence knocked and can then lash out at you. Relationships are important there because then they trust you to get them to where they need to be and they are more willing to bear with you.

Low challenge and they feel patronised and babied.

So with a new class it has to be an honest conversation about how you are trying to suss out where they are and what they need, and importantly, that you know what you're doing when you are doing this.

Can you get a purely primary job?

Teens can be nasty.

Just two nasties in a class hurts like hell. Teach a different age group. Dont punish yourself.
I I hate teens. Well mine is very challenging.
Leave the class. Teach adults or kids. Much more rewarding. Teens can break you.

I've found modelling good behaviour hasn't worked. I'm seen as pushover.

@noblegiraffe Great points, and I agree. I think it was too easy and I need to ramp the challenge right up.

I honestly don't think that some members of this class have the maturity to handle an honest conversation, despite being older than my previous class, who could. Strange that one haha

@Flyhigher agreed! Modelling seems to be scoffed at. It's bizarre. I think it might be impacting them slowly but peer pressure means they don't respond to it as obviously.

I'm sorry you also have a tricky class

@yomellamoHelly oh that sounds awful! I'm sorry they pushed you so far. We are still human and resilience can only get us so far.

Your school sounds really supportive though, I'm glad you could have a phased return.

My school would probably support me with that if needed in the future, yes

@dapsnotplimsolls It may mean a job shift and breaking contract as we are expected to teach all ages, so it would be difficult logistically. Increasingly I think maybe worth it for my mental health, though.