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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

GCSE survival guide for parents please

44 replies

Copper · 09/04/2008 04:21

Huge row today with DS about lack of revision going on in April holiday, which got so bad that I think he may stop any revision just to spite me.

He was supposed to go in to school for an extra revision session today at 9.30. Yesterday he said he wanted to go but today, even though he was up and dressed, point blank refused. I completely lost it - he has done this before on coursework catch-up sessions and had a really bad row with his father about that. (Will fail those GCSEs as a result.) This session was for a subject that he needs for his A level choices.

DS stormed off for about an hour, came back and shut himself in his room all day, in bed. Attempts to talk in the day made it all much much worse - ran through all the old favourites - you hate me, etc etc.
Went to bed at night still furious with me.

I handled it all very badly.

Any advice on getting large, recalcitrant, stressed-out but much-loved 15 yr old through the next few weeks would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 09/04/2008 07:26

It is a difficult one! I had it last year with my DS-he seemed to think that April was much too soon to start! He did go to the school revision sessions but that was about all. He always does enough to get by but I thought he was cutting it very fine, he did OK in the end but of course he could have done much better.
I haven't got any magic solutions! How about a fresh start today and try and discuss it calmly-ask him what revision timetable he has in mind and however unsuitable it seems to you, use it as a starting point to open the lines of communication.

ScienceTeacher · 09/04/2008 07:59

I've been really impressed with DS. He has made a timetable for his revision, and has stuck to it for the last 3 weeks. Back to school tomorrow for the home straight

BecauseImWorthIt · 09/04/2008 08:14

Oh Copper

Wish I could help! DS isn't quite as bad, but still not really grasping that he has to get down to it.

We sat down a couple of weeks ago and had - I thought - a really good chat about it, the result of which we planned his revision timetable together. Because we started a couple of weeks ago, we only planned in 30 minutes per night. Already that's gone by the by (although he tells me he's done 'some').

We're away for a week next week and the plan was that if he started when we planned him to, he could have next week off. But as he really hasn't done much I'm not sure this was wise!

I agree with AbbeyA that you must use today as a fresh start. If you feel that you handled it badly why not start by apologising to him, so that you can start the conversation without conflict?

I wish I could be of more help, but just wanted to empathise.

Blandmum · 09/04/2008 08:22

Poor you.

Take a big deep breath.

You can't make him work, no-one can. Even if you lock him in his room you can actually make him do any effective work. (Trust me I'm a teacher! )

And at the end of the day they are his GCSE results not yours.....tough one I know.

Things you can do make it clear to him that if he bombs out of school you are not going to let him sit around on his arse all day eating your food. make it clear to him that his next step is sixth form/further qualifications somewhere or a real live job. In fact letting him have a crapola, hard, badly paid job can help.

Re help with his revision. Offer to help him with a time table, revision guides, snacks every 30 minute or so! help him to realise that revision doesn't mean all night every night....BBC bitsize is a good place to start, or any online resources that his school might have bought into. Get him to focus on the stuff he likes first and move on to the less pleasant stuff when he gets into the swing of things

AbbeyA · 09/04/2008 08:32

Have they done any work at school Copper on their style of learning? My DS had a whole day when an outside agency came in and they did tests and had learning techniques etc.(I am not sure that it did my DS a lot of good but I found it interesting).
You could start a neutral discussion on how he would revise best, mind mapping, on line etc. Try and keep it friendly and low key.
My funniest conversation with my DS was when I said to him "I am not saying that you should do this but you do realise don't you that some people are up at 2am revising". I have never heard him so shocked! He couldn't believe it and kept saying "who would do that!" "Probably people who want A*" I said! He dismissed that one as anything above a C was fine with him!

ajandjjmum · 09/04/2008 11:53

How much revision is sensible at this time? I think ds has been pretty good, and having already sat some science modules, he knows what's expected of him. He is probably doing between 2 and 4 hours a day - but still has loads to plough through. I just wonder how he's going to fit it all in when he gets back to school (and distractions there!)

One focus was when we worked out that his first exam is only four weeks away!!!

I suppose we should all remember the old 'you can take a horse to water.....'

Blandmum · 09/04/2008 11:55

I would say that 2-4 hours a day, at the end of around 5 hours in school is more than enough.

Short bursts of revision are better than long unbroken periods. Best times to revise are 'A day , a week, a month'

So go over what they did in school on the same day. Then a week later, thena month after that,

Mind maps are great BTW, and really help both to test current understanding and to promore learning

AbbeyA · 09/04/2008 12:02

I think that the problem with boys is that they don't actually admit to revising. I have a friend with a very high achieving DS and he gave her very strict instructions that if friends phoned him up when he was revising she was to say that he was out! I tell my DS that his friends are most probably lying if they say that they are doing no work.

Blandmum · 09/04/2008 12:04

At GCSE the very brightest can get away with a week or so of revision.

then they try this again at A level (against all warnings to the contraty) and come a cropper!

MamaG · 09/04/2008 12:08

I sailed through GCSE with the barest scraps of revision...D'OH at A level mocks

MissPaulaYates · 09/04/2008 12:11

i agree re bright ones and not much revision

i dont really have to nag ds but DO!! i dont know if my expectations are too high

if he is not working i just say ' cant wait for results day 10 a*'

i am certain we worked harder for olevels

stress? these kids dont know the meaning!

Blandmum · 09/04/2008 12:12

Oh yes! If I had a fiver for every time I warned the little buggers and them ignore me, I wouldn't have to work!

I give them a mock -mock, to scare the shit out of them. Mwahahahahahahahaha

ajandjjmum · 09/04/2008 12:38

Abbey
That's interesting - ds has told me not to say to anyone that he is working hard.

10 weeks time it'll all be over - except for the day of reckoning!!

Blandmum · 09/04/2008 12:48

Oh 'face saving' is vital!

Often when a student has agreed that they can't sit by X because they misbehave, and have asked to be moved, I offer to shout at them is class for being badly behaved and move them myself! That way they get to save face and can blame me, instead of admitting to their mates that they asked to be moved!

teenagers, doncha just love them!

ScienceTeacher · 09/04/2008 12:54

As for time spent revising in the holidays, DS is roughly sticking to his school timetable (although I suspect starting well after 9am ). This means he gets PE and RS time off. This is what I did when I was doing my exams and I mentioned it to him - he thought it was a good idea and is going with it (or is telling me that's what he is doing to make me happy).

We have had some time out in the holidays though, before anyone accusing me of being a slave driver (he gets time off to run errands and do chores )

I'm assuming that once he is back at school tomorrow, revision will be more targeted by the teachers, so will appear as normal prep.

I'm having a good time with my first parental experience of the main GCSE time. Payback will be in two years when DS2, a totally different student, is doing his.

scaryteacher · 09/04/2008 14:26

Sometimes pairing opposite subjects for revision helps, as does having a breakdown of the subjects they need to study. So, you could do 30 minutes of RE revision, then a break, then 30 minutes of chemistry for a complete contrast. My year 11s found that that worked, and building in a break time.

A colleague and I also turned much of the subject matter we taught for GCSE RE into pictures/cartoons and snappy quotes, which when learned triggered the memory for longer answers. I don't think any of mine ever forgot the camel and the eye of the needle, as my drawing of a camel had them in stitches for hours.

I'm only just learning as a mother of a 12 yo that I have to let him sort his homework out for himself, and do the detention if it's not done. I dread to think what I'll be like with coursework deadlines and revision in another 4 years time!

I think all you can do is feed them, hug them, and be there if they need you. The rest is down to them. You could of course, mention how much board and lodge you'll be charging if they're not going on to sixth form!!!!

MissPaulaYates · 09/04/2008 19:33

yes science teacher

our house is the same ds1 driven and diligent
dd idle
ds2 driven and diligent

totally dread dd

soyabean · 09/04/2008 22:27

It has been good to read all your views, was wondering about starting a thread on this topic as ds is cruising along doing not very much. He is v bright and got several As in mocks with v little work, but obviously there are plenty of things he could be revising and I find his attitude really hard to cope with. DH finds it even harder... I think ds really doesnt understand just how much work some people do, like Abbey's ds. I had assumed that by this point he would be really working (he does the minimum possible most of the time) but today he did about 1 hr maths, printed out some corrected coursework (abt 1 hr) and that was it, back to Xbox. I feel that probably isnt enough but maybe Martian Bishop is right..Hope so for his sake but it is v irritating to know he could do extreemely well with a little bit more work...
Good luck all, anyway, stay sane!

Cathpot · 09/04/2008 22:44

It sounds like the op's ds might actually be in a panic and not know where to start. When i was teaching I often found that the boys were less likely to organise themselves to start revising in a systematic way, and then left it very late, then got in a panic about leaving it too late and then ceased to function in rabbit in headlights fashion. What helped some of them was to sit down and make a meaningful revision timetable. Get a large space calendar and write in all the exam dates. Work backwards from that. Prioritise the subjects they find hardest or need to pass the most, think about how much work a day they can really be motivated to do. Make the sessions short and build in breaks for running about a bit, playing computer games etc. Whole days off are refreshing for everyone. Also lots of kids dont really know how to revise. If they are not visual learners then they may need less traditional strategies like standing up and moving around while reading, music on, talking into a dictaphone and listening back, making mind maps etc etc. There will be lots on different learning styles on the internet. Dont presume they know what they are doing when it comes to exams!

Original poster
Copper · 10/04/2008 07:38

Rabbit in headlights! That is so accurate.

Thanks for all the comfort and advice. I did apologise on the day, but it took him until the next morning to accept it and, lo and behold, he came downstairs quite happy and did about 3 hrs over the day. All his favourite subjects, and on SAM learning, where you get to see how well you did - but if he were to do that regularly I'd be very happy!

I do find teenage boys a species apart - so interesting and yet so odd.

One of the things that he complained about was that I manipulate him into doing things - yes, and I have been ever since we hit tantrums at two! It will be hard to stop, but perhaps now is the time to do as MArtianbishop suggests - point out consequences and be supportive. But I bet tehre'll be another row before it's all over.

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 10/04/2008 10:18

Glad he had a good day Copper!

What is SAM learning?

AbbeyA · 10/04/2008 18:49

I had to smile this afternoon, I was browsing in a bookshop when a woman, about my age, strode purposely towards the study aid section followed by her rather lanky teenage son who was saying rather plaintively,"but no one has told me how to revise"!
ajandjjmum, your DC should be able to log into SAM learning through school, it is on line revision.

ajandjjmum · 12/04/2008 16:10

Thanks Abbey.

He's just had two days solid working over IT with my SIL - and has told me that he's done more in two days that he would have in two terms at school!! Obviously 1 to 1 is the way to go.

Blandmum · 12/04/2008 16:24

SAM learning is an online revision aid that some schools (but not all) buy into.

TBH for the sciences it isn't that good for the A-A* students and is 'better' for the D-C-B students.

I've lost count of the times I have explained to kids that reading isn't revision. and the revision is an active process

Mikafan · 18/04/2008 14:02

My DS1 is the same. He did draw up a revision table but has never used it. He sits on his laptop everyday surfing youtube and the like. I go from thinking "oh sod you then, don't do any revision - fail your exams - see if I care" to badgering him everytime I pass him and ask "are you going to be doing some revision today then" to which he replys "I just did some, I'll do some more later" which I know is a blatant lie. He got slightly below average mock results which makes all this all the more galling. I've told him that revision is something we've all had to go through. He only has to work really hard for the next 2 months then he has a long break - it makes no difference. He wants to do an IT course in September but without 3 C's he hasn't a hope of getting on a decent course - even that doesn't get is ass moving, I don't know what to do next?

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