DD invited on holiday with friend - contribution?

[TheForgetfulCat]

DD, 15, has been invited on a weeks family holiday in a UK cottage with best friend and extended family. About 10 people in all. All good in general. Chat about how to handle anything unexpected will be had and it isn’t too far from home. DD is —so far— extremely sensible and best friend is lovely. Cottage is somewhere I wouldn’t mind spending a week myself 😀

Obviously I’ll offer a contribution to the cottage hire but I suspect it will be refused. If it is, what would be polite to send DD with? I’m thinking ample money in her bank account to pay her way/ treat best mate, and perhaps cash in an envelope to give to mum for food shopping and petrol?

If you’ve been the host or guest in this sort of situation what would you suggest?

We took ds's mate years ago. It didn't go well. The pair of them got sent home on a flight after a week of a 2 week trip.... Portugal - top notch villa...
Ds's mate's dps contributed nil. We didn't expect or ask. Fair enough.. But he once lent ds a euro as ds had no pocket in his swim shorts and hadn't took any money that day. He nagged him all day about owing him a euro.. Wanted to drown the little shit... Ime send a kitty specifically for the dd's to share...

Thanks - I’ll make sure she doesn’t do that certainly!! Cottage is an hours drive if that so I can and will collect if it goes pear shaped for any reason.
Would you not give any money direct to mum then? I feel bad about them feeding her for a week!

We regularly take friends of DD on UK holidays with us. We don't want any contributions but a bottle of wine as. a thanks is always nice. The kids always bring spending money but we cover food and outings as we have invited them and it wouldn't occur to us to expect anything!

Luckily all the children have been lovely with no arguments and we always make sure everyone has their own room!

That sounds good, thank you!

I can do 🍷

I'd send a gift like booze and snack hamper. Maybe one for adults and one for the kids

DD has been away for a week in the U.K. with the same family twice now. They have twins who are her best friends so it's easier for them to host than us. They say they like to have her. I think it possibly reduces sibling bickering. I have offered to chip in on the accommodation but always been refused but they have accepted a contribution to food and expenses each time. I can't recall how much it was probably 50-100 pounds. She has her usual allowance and I give her some extra for holiday spends.

I would definately give cash to the parents to cover DC food and would make sure DC has her own cash too.

I brought my niece to Spain with us for three weeks a few years ago, she was 13. Her mother, my sister didn't give us anything towards food and when I say she literally are us out of house and home I'm not exaggerating. I swore I would never bring another child on holiday with me again.

When I was in this situation i approached the mum directly to ask what I could contribute. As with a previous poster, the parents accepted a contribution for food, but nothing for accommodation. And I sent a thank-you gift of a bottle of whiskey.

One DS went away with friends to their holiday home abroad. They went by car so DS didn’t cost any extra. We bought them a beautiful well filled hamper as a thank you and paid any direct costs for his activities.

Thank you all - really helpful to have a range of experiences. I will talk to the mum and offer food contribution and also consider hampers/booze. Much appreciated

As a glutton for punishment we went on a camping trip with ds's mate (same one mentioned above) and his family. We had a caravan. Took a week's worth of food.... They pulled up with a trailer tent and the dw carrying a cooked chicken on her knee...
It rained all week. Guess who hosted 5 more guests on their caravan?
Never ever holidaying with anyone else again..

Is there something you know they'll be doing that week? E.g. if they're going to the zoo, you buy them all passes for the zoo?
Bad example but hopefully you know what I mean! The cost of taking someone else only really rears it's head when you're doing activities or going to an attraction...I don't find it impacts too much on food costs etc

"I'd send a gift like booze and snack hamper. Maybe one for adults and one for the kids"

God no hampers. They'll be all packed up in the car if it's a group uk cottage holiday. Then they've got to faff fitting hampers in. Just bung the parents £50 for the kitty and tell them she's got her own spending money. Bottle of wine on return

As veteran of UK cottage holidays with kids, fair point well made 😁

Should point out we gave the friends parents the hamper on return as a thank you, not to take with.

We have done it both ways. When DDs friend came on holiday with us, her parents paid for the flight and gave me some money to pay for her food. When DD went away with a friend to Disneyland Paris, I contributed to the travel /ferry cost, entry tickets and gave parents money for food.
I made sure she had plenty of spending money too.

I am sorry, but you have made me 😆 today

I would prob ask the parents if there are any planned structured activities that involve paying or meals out. Then I'd give parents £50 food contribution and spending money for dc.

It really depends on the people involved and their preferences, which you'll probably be able to gauge.

I wouldn't want cash in this situation - I'd have invited the guest & would be happy to cover costs.

I'd appreciate wine or a gift, for me, afterwards.

I think ask directly, what they want, so it's clear you've offered and meant it iyswim. If they say no, I'd send enough money so that DD can treat everyone to ice-cream and send a gift when they return.

I'd expect to "host" the guest in that situation, but token contributions would be nice.

We used to take friends on uk holidays didn't take anything, we did ask the parents for food likes and dislikes as sometimes teens are too awkward to say, and they usually came with spending money.

We have taken pals on holiday before. I'd ask if there were any meals out or paid for activities and insist on giving money for that. I'd also give DD some money but say she should offer to buy ice creams or something as well.

Could you get a hamper delivered if they won’t accept cash

This is my worst nightmare as I feel you will get it wrong either way!

If DD was going with another family I would give enough for food, to pay their way for trips out etc and a gift like wine/flowers for inviting.

If I took a child with us, I would just expect a bit of spending money or entrance fee for some places we would go to. But who knows what that magic number is!

I would give money for eating out directly to the parents. We took sons friend to crete and he didn't pay anything towards meaks out even though his mum had given him money to contribute.