DD invited on holiday with friend - contribution?

[TheForgetfulCat]

DD, 15, has been invited on a weeks family holiday in a UK cottage with best friend and extended family. About 10 people in all. All good in general. Chat about how to handle anything unexpected will be had and it isn’t too far from home. DD is —so far— extremely sensible and best friend is lovely. Cottage is somewhere I wouldn’t mind spending a week myself 😀

Obviously I’ll offer a contribution to the cottage hire but I suspect it will be refused. If it is, what would be polite to send DD with? I’m thinking ample money in her bank account to pay her way/ treat best mate, and perhaps cash in an envelope to give to mum for food shopping and petrol?

If you’ve been the host or guest in this sort of situation what would you suggest?

We have had this, DS’s friend caught the train down to meet us, brought chocolates and wrote us a lovely thank you note after. The parents offered a couple of times to pay something towards the accommodation but as he was sharing with DS, there really wasn’t a cost. Offer, make sure DD has money to offer to pay her food/mini golf ticket etc and then a small gift and thank you note would be lovely.

We do this a few times a year, Parents usually send choclates and wine and give the child concerned money to treat us to a meal

We took a friend of DS' away. The mum offered a contribution and I said no. It then got confusing as I think she gave her DS some money to pay for things, but it was a bit awkward and he was only 12 so frankly I kept refusing as I wans't really sure and of course, he never actually HAD th emoney. At one point, I think him and I negotiated that he'd give me the £20 in cash he had and never talk about it again! .

Personally, I've preferred her to say to me, "I've sent DC with some spending money and told him to treat him and your DS to ice creams or whatever and he's also got £30 to pay for lunch one day" So it would have all been clear.

She did buy loads of snacks for the boys to take along which was nice.

If it was me, I'd make the offer. Accept graciously if it was declined. Give generous pocket money, tell the host that I expected DC to pay their own way when it comes to being out and about and treats and then would have purchased a nice couple of bottle of wine to hand over to them on their return.

Perhaps make sure DD has enough to cover a lunch or pizza night for the group one time (unless it’s a family with 6 other kids!!!)

over the years I’ve hosted DCs friends multiple times and had them hosted back. Money has never changed hands.

I appreciate some will be in different circumstances so just ask “what can I contribute” chances are they’ll say nothing or give you a specific sum.

make sure your child has plenty of pocket money and sends a proper thank you card after. A gift of flowers/wine has always been appreciated. I’d be horrified if someone handed me an envelope of cash.

I’ve taken DSs friends skiing to our place a couple of times. They paid their own ski hire passes and for a couple of (their) meals out. We ate mostly at home with picnic lunches and I didn’t want a contribution. I was given a bottle of gin, some wine and a nice pottery bowl as a thank you. Everyone happy.

If it was a Mumsnet chicken that would have done them all week 😆

I was going to suggest offering to pay for a takeaway one night for the group but tbh prices are so high now that chinese for 10 people will almost definitely cost you more than its costing them to take your daughter!

So maybe just a nice bottle of wine to take with them, some flowers when you pick her up/they drop her home (so they don't have to worry about transporting them to the cottage and back) and some money to dd to cover herself and friend for any treats.

I always used to take my boy's friends away with us.
I didn't want a contribution. I always told parents to make sure the child had a little spending money for themselves if in case they wanted to buy souvenirs for mum etc.
I would not be happy with a hamper turning up as I have planned meals/ nights out and will end up with extra food I hadn't planned on
I don't appreciate booze either. We don't drink at home so it's a waste.
All I want is your child to be well mannered and a thank you at the end.
In all the years I've taken other people's children away it's been a great success. Those children are adults now and I see when around often and they still talk about the great time they had on Harris or Skye. It's lovely to hear.

If I take DDs friends away then if the parents ask what the can contribute I just say their spending money for arcades, extra drinks, ice creams, general tat teens like. Once we've unpacked I always take them all to a local supermarket so they can pick up any home comforts they might have forgotten as well as specific toiletries that gives them chance to make sure they have the food/drink/ snacks they are happy with.

We had our youngest Dd bestie with us on a UK break a few months ago. Her parents offered to pay towards accommodation but we refused. We covered food,eating out, activities and she had spending money from her parents for treats/arcades etc.
On our return we were gifted wine and chocolates x

You sent your own son home a week early as well?

I did yes....

My DD is an only child so I am totally open to taking her BFF away with us when a little older (they are just 12 at the moment - to be fair I would do it now but need has not arisen as dd is still keener to do stuff with me than a mate when away). The main issue I can see is if the girls had very different amounts of spending money to amuse themselves with - so I would hope to agree in advance that the girls have £50, £100 or whatever seems sensible (based on location and length of holiday) for sweets, souveniers, breakfast on their own etc.

Any whole family meals/entertainment I would imagine happily paying for as hosting parent, tho of course a contribution or gift would be gratefully received.

Thank you all ever so much. Really useful range of responses and I’m sure I can now manage something in the socially acceptable zone. DD is super excited so I’d hate to embarrass her 😂

Just wondering - those of you who took or sent teens on holidays overseas - did they pay for their own flight? Is that a reasonable thing to expect even if invited or being invited does that mean flight should be covered?

I would expect them to cover the flight but I would also make the invitation clear

”Tom would be welcome to come to Madrid with us, we are going on easyJet, will be about £150 for the flight and we will cover accommodation and food - if you are up for that, I’ll book and let you know what time to drop him at the coach station on the 2nd so we can all go to the airport”

or similar

That's pretty much what I had in mind. It's actually dd's bf who is 19 so the invitation is to him directly (via dd) not his parents. We're happy to cover everything else.

I think I’d give DD £100 spending money and the parents a couple of bottles of wine.

We took our daughter’s friend away with us. Her parents paid for her flight, and we suggested she had some spends. It worked out fine, and they gave us a voucher for a restaurant in the town we live as a thank you.

I’ve taken a teenage friend on hols before. Overseas, so they paid for their own flight, we covered the villa hire and food. Their parents sent them with money on their card to cover a lunch out for us all, and bought fancy ice creams when we were out too. They also took dd to the theatre a few months after we returned and refused any payment which was a lovely touch.