15yr old DS with ADHD - please tell me things will get better

[Coolmom81]

My first MN post so be gentle! I have a 15yr old DS currently with suspected (but not diagnosed) Inattentive ADHD and Autism. The Inattentive part is important to stress because this seems to be the crux of the issues. We have been battling for assessment since he was 11 and it has been the most exhausting journey due to COVID an unhelpful SEN and his school being in a different county to the one that we live although only a few miles away. Anyway, my question is does it get better as they get older. I can’t help to worry that if we weren’t literally yelling at him to get out of bed and to study he would just not go to school and stay in bed all day. Now I know he is a teenage boy and I get that a lot of people will say this is normal teen boy behaviour, but it’s not (I’ve already had teens) - it’s extreme. He wants to go to Uni after A levels but I have no idea how he would motivate himself if his Dad and I weren’t there to force him out of bed. Has anyone had similar experience and watched there child grow into a fully functional adult 🙏🏻

@Littlefish Did your DD have to try different meds and/or doses and how long did that take?

No diagnosis is required to put strategies in place. If people rely on a diagnosis giving them support they are going to be badly let down. Post diagnosis support is non existent unless you want medication.

the information is out there, you just need to find the support. Look for local charities who support adhd people. Read books, “how not to damage your adhd adolescent” by Sarah templeton is great.
find websites for adhd, adhd Uk, or additive magazine are great

We were really lucky that Medikinet suited her from the beginning. But she started on 5mg per day and gradually increased over about 3 months. We saw absolutely no changes (and nor did she) until 40mg. 50mg ended up being her therapeutic dose.

Are you thinking of going privately? If so, be aware that if you're lucky, the GP will agree to take on the prescribing once the dose is stable, although you will still have to have either 3 or 6 monthly reviews with the private psychiatrist. GPS don't have to agree to 'shared care' prescribing. If they refuse, or until they agree, you will be responsible for the cost of meds privately. The cost increases with the dose. I think the most ours was was about £140 per month.

Under Right To Choose, the NHS covers meds costs, as far as I know.

Message me if you want more information.

It took 8 months of many medications to get on a suitable dose. At which point the gp wouldn’t accept shared care so we had to continue paying.

A Levels are hard with ADHD. My ds starts them in a month. However, he had a school and house move at the start of year 12 and loads of teacher absence, which means he's hugely behind. At a good school where teachers kept on top of him, he'd be in a better position. Unfortunately meds didn't agree with him (made him feel low/flat) so we're on our own. He's not keen on going to uni and I'm glad - dd (not yet diagnosed but clearly ADHD too) has really struggled with the need to self-motivate and the complete lack of support. Ds hopes for a degree apprenticeship (or level 3 if A Levels go badly) which I think will be better as he will have accountability from his employer - he'll know if he fails he'll be out of a job. Worth looking into for your ds when the time comes.

Non stimulants any good @crazycrofter? Did you try all the stimulants including Amfexa (different action and different side effects ie almost none, expensive).

@FlexIt unfortunately, we moved counties at the start of year 12, which I told our old consultant when they rang me. Instead of passing ds to a new consultant here, it seems like he was struck off and so we've had to start from scratch again with a referral from the GP. I sent all the original diagnosis info to the new team about 5 months ago and have heard nothing yet, so no access to meds before the A Levels.

You might be lucky and find they treat him as a medication review rather than a fresh assessment, let’s hope so

@FlexIt my ds has found non-stimulants to be non-effective unfortunately. I now have 2 unmedicated dc - one has dropped out of A levels, the other can't continue but luckily has the qualifications he needs. I'd say A levels are nigh on impossible without the correct meds. Too much focus and organisation required.

Hi OP - I am in my 40s and have diagnosed ADHD and struggled HUGELY at your sons age - to the point my school asked me to leave before sixth form and I only passed a handful of GCSES.

BUT - when I went to sixth from I found things a lot easier - it was just much easier for me to focus on only 3 subjects - I've never been someone who could do well unless I really care / am engaged with what Im doing.

I got very good A level results - (there were some serious ups and downs I don't want to lie! I nearly got kicked off one of the a -level courses but to show you how little that relates to my natural ability I then got an A on that A level - from rock bottom to top achiever!)

I then did even better at uni - only one subject you see - I was able to lazer focus in and just do it my own way.

Please don't think that a 15 year old is the picture of life! I still struggle so much with many things - including work but I am in some ways very high achieving - let your son find a path that suits his way of being in the world.

btw I envy young people now as nobody knew about girls having adhd when I was young - despite my obvious struggles it was never suggested.

If you can afford it pay the 2 grand for a diagnosis - particularly the autism which really is far more of a struggle than adhd (based on my own family experiences). It's the best money we spent for my autistic child.

We are still battling with getting things right but th eone thing that has been transformed by meds is homework. Getting him to do it is 100000 x easier. It's still not being done terribly well - that's my next challenge - but at least it's being done.

I don't know about the tics. But medication can easily be stopped or adjusted if it's not right so I'd give it a go (if recommended) and take from there.

This very much reflects my daughter's experiences.

I'm on the waiting list for ADHD assessment.

I absolutely bombed my A levels (got one grade E).

I then went to college for 3 years to do a practical diploma level course.

At 28 I realised what I wanted to do with my life and went to university. I got a 2:1 for my degree, went into teaching and was deputy head of a school 6 years later. I never looked back. I had found my 'thing'.

@Coolmom81, what I'm trying to say is that there's always another chance. When your works out what he wants to do, he's far more likely to find the determination and strategies to get there.

GCSEs and A levels can feel a bit irrelevant! But it's not the end of the world.

Read;

"How not to murder your adhd child". It was a lifesaver for us.

My son is 12, medicated since December 2023 and it was the best decision we made. I didn't want him to be medicated since he was diagnosed at age 8. But since starting senior school there was a huge change in his behaviours and we thought we'd give it a go.

It's been life changing. Not even exaggerating.

He is at a private school due to the local infants being utterly useless before he was diagnosed.

I really appreciate you taking the time to give me your perspectives. It’s encouraging that so many with ADHD have succeeded at Uni as I know that is his goal. I know everyone is different but I am starting to think it might not be like this forever. He came home from school with a Distinction in his English Language speaking exam yesterday. He struggles the most with English. I know it won’t count towards his GCSE grade, but he was so proud of it. He even initiated the conversation to tell me 🤣

This sounds so much like us. No chance of getting to school, activities anything really unless we constantly plan, monitor, chivvy, support and the attitude we get back isn’t of appreciation! Diagnosed ASC but according to CAMHS not reaching the threshold for inattentive ADHD but now in the teen years I seriously question whether CAMHS got this right. He flits from idea to idea, thing to thing, nothing sticks, seems like a dopamine thing or maybe the impact of soc media on his concentration. No interest in anything much unless it’s EXACTLY what he thinks/wants to do etc. I’m exhausted this weekend already and it’s only Sat afternoon. 🙈

Is this book helpful for a child possibly ADHD but with no diagnosis? I posted already about that and how CAMHS said it was all ASC. I’m struggling hugely with my teen and am sure he’s not just ASC. Thanks

Mine have only got through exams on medication. The youngest had been off for a while but has just asked to go back on as he's not managing to focus on his course enough to fulfil his potential.
The oldest dropped out of High School without any proper qualifications and only got back into education at 20 after being diagnosed and going on meds. He's in second year of a degree course now.
Do everything you can to get him on medication as soon as possible

@Fififizz 100% I did the audio version and it was easily done in a few trips in the car etc. it is brilliant

Could have done with that book but trying to work out what was going on with DS1 at least led me to discover Mumsnet many many years ago.

@oberst
Thanks, after this week I could cheerfully do what the title suggests. I need that book. Seriously pi**ed with CAMHS though. I think they didn’t do a great job assessing and conveniently put everything down to ASC diagnosis. Not sure if it’s worth or how to pursue a reassessment now though….

my 16 yr old has started A levels and is struggling. His ADHD meds (Atomoxetine) is not working now, as well as it used to GCSE. Methylphenidate doesn't work for him.. Anyone found the right dose for their teen that didn't make them feel suppressed in feeling and zombie like?

Concerta

I’m trying again to get my son assessed for ADHD, they say he doesn’t meet the criteria but I’m sure he’s inattentive as well as ASC. School see small signs but he’s at specialist so they accommodate so much already. It his executive function though his ability to plan, see steps to achieving anything particularly boring, routine, things that’s non existent and no ability to stick at most things but occasionally he can hyper focus. CAMHS say it’s all due to his ASC diagnosis but I’m exhausted by his poor executive functioning. It’s like I have to manage two of us from my one brain if that makes sense. He’s 15 now and no signs of any improvement 🙈 x

Sorry to jump on but I thought in some counties you have to go through school? I’m also having the same issues as OP and there’s no much conflicting advice :(