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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 yr wants to stay out later, what do you think?

47 replies

roastlamb · 27/03/2008 16:20

My 13 year old is trying to negotiate her curfew. She wants to stay out until 10 PM during the week. Her curfew is 9:30 atm. She does quite well at school and is usually (with some exceptions) very responsible. On her 13th birthday, a few weeks ago, she asked for either a later curfew or something else to mark the special occasion. So, what do you think? should I raise the curfew? What time do you make your children come home?

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 27/03/2008 16:25

I think 9.30 is too late for a school night anyway. My almost 13 yr old is already tucked up in bed by then.

frogs · 27/03/2008 16:26

I think the time is less important than where she is and what she's doing. What on earth is she planning to do until 10pm on a weekday night?

My 13yo doesn't go out at all in the evening unless I know exactly where she is and who she's with. I'd let them go eg. to the cinema, but only if I knew the exact times and places. If it was later than 8.30ish I'd want an adult to be picking them up from the cinema and delivering them home. And this would only be at weekends -- during the week she comes home at 5ish, does her homework and music practice, has supper, goes on msn, makes her packed lunch for the next day and goes to bed. There's no time for anything else, realy.

And I'm not unusual in this -- I'm on the liberal side compared with some of her friends' parents, who won't allow their dd's to attend even all-female sleepovers. There is no way on god's earth I would allow a 13yo to be 'out' for unspecified purposes until even 9.30pm at night.

Original poster
roastlamb · 27/03/2008 16:29

She'd be with her best friend and I would be picking her up.

OP posts:
frogs · 27/03/2008 16:34

Doing what, though? Doesn't she have much homework? Does she go straight to friend's house from school, or how does it all work? It just seems so very different from our evenings.

If she's at her friend's house till 10pm, what time is she going to get to bed? In this house 10pm is bedtime on a school night for my 13yo, and late-night gossip sessions are reserved for weekends. But I admit I am lucky inasmuch as dd1's school is v. strict and lots of her friends' families are really strict, so I can take a tough line and still look quite liberal.

Original poster
roastlamb · 27/03/2008 16:46

frogs, she usually goes home with her friend. They do their homework together and her friend's mum cooks dinner for them.

We live 5 minutes away so she'd be in bed by 10:30 (ish).

I have already explained that this would be a priveledge and could be taken away if she starts whinging in the morning, her schoolwork suffers, etc.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 27/03/2008 17:52

10pm is to late for a 12 year old to be staying out during the week.im fact I think that 9.30 is to late. My 16 year old is in by 9.30 and she is not out everyday.

pagwatch · 27/03/2008 17:55

IMO that is too late.
My DS is 14 and he has to be home by 8.30 at the latest on a school night.

noddyholder · 27/03/2008 17:57

Blimey ds comes home at 6.30 on a school night and ahs dinner and stays home not allowed back out!At weekends in winter he comes home at 6.30 and in summer when it is lighter.I know he will want to stay out later at weekends and in the summer when it is light and if I know where he is and who he's with I will let him stay out til 8-ish max.Until he is much older he won't be allowed out in teh week though after dinner

noddyholder · 27/03/2008 17:59

Ds also sotrs his school stuff out and goes to bed at 10.He is allowed on computer 8-9.30 I sound strict.where are your kids in teh dark?They are schildren keep them home play scrabble and give them cocoa you bad mothers

Ash80 · 27/03/2008 18:01

I think 9.30 pm on a school night is late too. Bedtime at 9pm......

mumblechum · 27/03/2008 18:04

Maybe it's because we live in a small village with zero facilities/public transport but I can't imagine what my ds would want to do outside till 10 at night. He and his friends may go out on their bikes/play football in summer but would always be in for tea by 6.30 ish, then by the time he's done his homework etc and had a go on the ps3 it's bedtime. He's in bed at 9 on weeknights and 10 at weekends.

Original poster
roastlamb · 27/03/2008 18:04

Ok, if I decide against raising her curfew, what could I do to "mark her entry into teenagerdom?"

Is there anything special you can think of?

OP posts:
pagwatch · 27/03/2008 18:08

erm - DS1 got a birthday present . And a 'happy birthday -you're 13' card.
Just because she wants something to mark it doesn't mean she has to have something does it?
But if you feel it is appropriate why don't you just take her out for dinner or something

noddyholder · 27/03/2008 18:08

We set up a monthly allowance and cash card for ds I am glad to see some others have early curfews.It hasn't been an issue yet but tbh in the summer on the brightest of evenings it would still be 8 max.

Original poster
roastlamb · 27/03/2008 18:16

I like your idea noddy, thanx.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 27/03/2008 18:22

You don't have to do anything really special for a 13th birthday. My DDs has a teen party at mega bowl doing quasar and bowling.

MaureenMLove · 27/03/2008 18:34

I quite like the idea of marking the occassion actually. I've just looked into dd and a couple of her mates having their photos taking professionally. I've found a place locally that do parties. They get to do a bit of a fashion shoot basically, in whatever outfits they/I choose! The birthday girl gets a whole album and the guests get one big photo of the occasion.

oxocube · 27/03/2008 18:37

I think 9.30 is too late and I am a pretty liberal mum (I think ). DS1 is 12 and a half and is home by 6.30ish from a mate's house unless he is eating dinner there and I would pick him up at 7.30ish. Or he sleeps over at a friend's some weekends but they are at the friend's home and not out 'roaming'. He is ready for bed at 9.30 (although sometimes watching tv or on the computer)

Have no idea if this helps

hercules1 · 27/03/2008 18:42

Gosh, that's too late. Ds is 12 and in bed by 9.30 at the latest.

Lilymaid · 27/03/2008 22:13

Mine were allowed to stay out later only for specific purposes (e.g. if playing in a cricket match) and certainly not allowed to roam around our village/loiter outside the Co-op hoping to get someone to buy them cigarettes/alcohol with what are generally the non-achievers. If they were at friends' houses the parents would want them to leave fairly early so their child (or younger siblings) could get on with homework/goig to bed etc.

dolally · 27/03/2008 22:46

10pm on school nights is rather late, roastlamb. What on earth time will she come home when she's 15!!!!

If she really wants to mark her teenagerhood, the bank account idea is brill, - combines the grown up stuff she wants with an opportunity for you to teach her how to budget etc..

jura · 27/03/2008 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

southeastastra · 27/03/2008 23:00

my son went through a stage of having to be constanly out at that age. he stays in now, he got bored with 'hanging around' but i think it's a good stage for them to go through.

my ds now 14 has never been early to bed. he's a nice guy.

southeastastra · 27/03/2008 23:04

i find the posts that say their teenagers are in bed by 9.30 slightly weird tbh

mumeeee · 28/03/2008 10:12

Southeastastra. Why to you find posts that say their teenagers are in bed by 9.30 weird
It is not strange for a 13 year old to be in bed by 9.30 in fact I would say that is a reasonable and fairly normal time for a 13 year old to be in bed on a school night. DD3 16 is in bed by 10.15 on school nights.
Teenagers ned a lot of sleep.

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