13 yr wants to stay out later, what do you think?

[roastlamb]

My 13 year old is trying to negotiate her curfew. She wants to stay out until 10 PM during the week. Her curfew is 9:30 atm. She does quite well at school and is usually (with some exceptions) very responsible. On her 13th birthday, a few weeks ago, she asked for either a later curfew or something else to mark the special occasion. So, what do you think? should I raise the curfew? What time do you make your children come home?

My 12.5 year old is in bed by 2130 at the latest during term time, and 2100 if I can manage it, with 30 mins reading/listening to audiobook time. I would like this to be earlier, but I like us to eat together in the evenings, and DH isn't back from work until 1900 normally. They are too tired for school the next day otherwise and do not achieve as well as they could in lessons, and yes, you can tell that they've not gone to bed early enough from their behaviour and demeanour.

My ds needs a massive amount of sleep. If he doesn't get 10 hours a night he's really stroppy, sometimes even tearful.

He takes after me, though, I love my bed.

When does she do her homework?
What's going to happen in year 11 when she's got massive amounts of course work and other homework to do?

I have a 16 year old and a 12 year old and neither of them go out at all during the week - apart from doing after school sport. By the time they get home, get changed, have dinner, do their homework and talk to us a bit, it's time for bed.

My DS1 will be 14 in couple of weeks & on a school night I will still expect him to come in at 8.30 at the latest unless he has gone to watch his football team then that is about 10pm when he gets drop off. And on a week & school holidays 9pm is he is at a friends maybe 9.30pm as I feel this is late enough & during the school week I do like him to be in his bed by 9.30 at the latest as like mum said teenagers do need alot of sleep. He might not be asleep but laid watching TV but I know that he is resting. He does moan about having to come home early as everyone is allowed out late but tough I used to have to come in at that time up to being 17. It did cross my mind maybe I was being to strict but thankfully you have all put my mind at rest.

my dd is 16 and in bed by 10pm !

and she rarely goes out on school night

I too think it is too late. My DD is 14.5 and she will be allowed out til 9/9-30 in the light evenings but its 8/830 in the dark ones. She is up til 9-10pm depending on what she feels like but then awake in her room most nights til a fair bit later.
x

I agree 10 is too late on a school night, but just as importantly, if you are picking her up it should be at a time that's convenient for you (personally Mum's Taxis has finished for the evening well before 10pm as I'm in me nightie with a cup of tea/glass of something by then).

Turning 13 does seem to be regarded as a bit of a milestone these days, particularly if you're 12. I remember DD muttering about 'not being a child anymore' and generally being more resistant to being told what to do, like going to bed at a reasonable hour.

My ds2 who is 13 is in bed by 9.30 and ds1 who is 16 is in bed by 10.30. Weekends are different and they are up as late as they like/as late as we are.

But neither of them is going out yet, which I suspect is a big difference.

We have never stopped them, it just hasn't arisen yet. (Thank goodness!)

Whoops - ds1 is in bed by 10.00.

Of course, neither of them is necessarily asleep by then!

Have you ever spoken to any secondary school teachers?

The tales my SIL could tell about sultry teens who haven't had enough sleep!

I know you say she would be with her friend until 10pm, but what family really would want a non family member still in their home when they were trying to get ready for the next day!

any friends we had over always had to leave by about 8.30pm for us to get our lunches made & ready for bed! And this is when we were teens!

I was 18 & working by the time I was allowed to decide my own bedtime! Prior to that we were all usually in bed & asleep by the time my father came home at 10pm.

I'm not sure what all this going out in the week is about. Unless after school sports or music lessons, they come home, do homework have dinner with us and then either more homework or TV/computer.

Weekends and holidays are the time for going out.

DS1(16) has no time to go out in the week. Occasionally goes to the gym up the road. But at 13 was in bed by 9:30 light out by 10.
DS2 is 13 and weekly boards - bed time 9:30 at school.

Umm, if my dd was out until 10pm, I'd have to stay up for her!

As a teacher I can see the other side of parents allowing their children out late. They might be a bit sleepy in the morning with you but that's nothing compared to the hazards they cause in my chemistry lab at 9am on a monday morning. I have never understood the concept of being 'out'. I teach in a comp and lots of the kids seem to be 'out' every night, very little homework is done except by the best kids. There is lots of teenage drinking in the town and associated vandalism/teenage pregnancy. For specific activities, swimming, sports clubs, cinema then latest 9.30 is fine.

My 13 yr old doesn't stay out that late, unless it's for something specific.

He often goes to bed any time after 8pm (although usually between 9-10 pm). Nothing weird about it, he just needs more sleep, and thankfully he's sensible enough to realise it.

We set up a bank a/c and allowance for his 13th. I liked the idea of doing something for his 13th, but each to their own.

Roastlamb, are you ok with not seeing that much of your dd on school evenings? It's great that she has a best friend 5 minutes away and is welcomed into their home so much of the time. But still, if this is happening for a lot of weekday evenings, don't you miss her or simply want to know what she is doing? Or do you see her lots at weekends to make up for it?

I take it that by you saying she is responsible, she is doing her homework at her friend's house.

My son (nearly 14) is not keen on hanging around outside with his friends here, so I don't have a curfew problem as yet. I too find it difficult to get my son to go to bed at a sensible 9.30 pm. He does like staying up in the evenings and we have difficulties about this. His ideal routine is a nap in front of the TV around 6.00 ish after homework, waking up around 7.30 ish for supper, followed by bedtime at around 10.30 ish. I have to watch out for this as it's such a bad routine to get into. I do my best to stop him napping and get to bed earlier but it is not easy.

I think you should not increase the curfew but as others have said, find a suitably special way of celebrating her 13 birthday.

hi im 14 and im missing the action's daughter (i am amazing)
i think that 10 is okay, as long as she has finished her coursework and can get up in time for school then it should be fine. the reason she probably wants to stay up late is that her friends can do it she probably feels a bit caged in
when you are a teenager and you're being "tucked into to beddy byes at 9:30 because your scrumptious little darling needs her sleep" its unbelievably uncool and she will probably get teased tbh. no offence meant with that but its kinda true
love and hugs from
TheDaughterYouWishYouHad
xoxoxoxox

well, that was enlightening (for me). My DD is 14 and 3/4 btw.

PS if my son is going out with friends, I would not want him outside minus an adult after 7.00pm (and that when it's light) This is also a reflection of where we live in London. ds had his mobile phone stolen with a threatened mugging last summer, at 6.30 pm in a local park. Since then, he has been nervous of being out alone locally so often he's the one to nag me to collect him.

My 13 year old dd is in bed at 9.00 on weekdays and 10.00 at weekends. She doesn't "go out" anywhere, unless it's an organised event like a birthday party.

I'm just getting used to the idea that she'll want to go off to the cinema etc with friends soon, but we'll start with a Saturday afternoon I think, rather than an evening.

I'm also a secondary teacher and am amazed at what some teenagers seem to be getting up to in the evenings; even if they are "in" many of them seem to be on MSN or watching dvds until all hours.

lol @ missingtheaction's daughter, the one I wish I had.

Am pretty sure DS1 probably doesn't divulge to his mates that he takes himself off to bed at 8pm some nights.