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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Older teenagers and swearing

50 replies

PlusCaChangee · 03/02/2024 13:44

What's your view?

My youngest is 17, 18 later on in the year.

He's never sworn at me ever but when talking to me / watching football, he will swear. And not 'shit' or 'bloody hell' either. Quite happy to recount a story to me complete with swear words and win watching footy, quite happy to fling 'fuck' and the C word about

We've spoken about it and he doesn't see a problem. He said the problem would be if he ever swore at me and he says he would never do this. He says watching football or general chatting when emphasising about - not an issue in his eyes

I probably sound ridiculously prudish and I'm not. I swear all the time but I've never once done it in front of my kids and they're 25 and 17!

It's how I was brought up and well, it's hard to shake that off

So what's your viewpoint? He's only done it for the past year or so, so I didn't have a problem with him swearing when young but I don't like it much but can't work out whether to go off on one about it or just basically ignore it

He knows his audience and wouldn't do it at college / his part time job. But i view it as a respect thing and he disagrees

So what do you do?

OP posts:
W0tnow · 03/02/2024 13:46

Mine are starting to (16 and 18). I’m with your son. We all swear but not angrily or aggressively at each other. Not c### though. I draw the line there.

Midnlghtrain · 03/02/2024 13:48

I think if he's not using the language to describe you or at you, then they're just words. If you push the issue because of how you were brought up, you probably will just close off the open communication it sounds like you have.

I find it odd you didn't have a problem with him swearing when young though? Tbh it's a you issue rather than a him issue, I'd ignore it.

DinnaeFashYersel · 03/02/2024 13:51

It's fine to say please don't swear in my company.

MaloneMeadow · 03/02/2024 13:53

I’m with your son, he’s not doing it towards you or towards other people so what’s the issue? I also find it bizarre that you swear but have never done so in front of your children. They’re adults? What’s so wrong with it?

TheShellBeach · 03/02/2024 13:55

All of us in my family swear all the time, including "cunt" and nobody bats an eyelid.

EffortlessDistraction · 03/02/2024 13:56

Mine do it too, but I swear in front of them. Never at anyone, never in polite company and apart from things like shit it tends to be only when they are angry or annoyed about something. If they were using fucking as the default adjective in every other sentence in general chat, which you do hear on the streets, I'd ask them to reign it in.

AbbeFausseMaigre · 03/02/2024 14:04

We're quite a sweary family and I don't have an issue with my secondary age DC swearing in good humour if the situation is appropriate (not in front of other people's parents, not around younger children etc). I can't stand swearing in aggression though and come down like a ton of bricks on anything approaching it (although I hate any kind of aggression tbh, swearing or not).

Personally I think it's good for children and young people to practice navigating these grey areas rather than just having black and white rules about things.

AbbeFausseMaigre · 03/02/2024 14:07

That being said - if you don't like it then that is absolutely your right and he should respect that in the same we that he would respect a rule around not swearing at a teacher, at work etc.

OpalOrchid · 03/02/2024 14:07

My family swear all the time. They are just words.

Alainlechat · 03/02/2024 14:08

We don't swear in front of our teens and they don't swear in front of us.

Same with both sets of grandparents and the same when we were growing up.

Just what we are used to.

Seasaltsquall · 03/02/2024 14:09

W0tnow · 03/02/2024 13:46

Mine are starting to (16 and 18). I’m with your son. We all swear but not angrily or aggressively at each other. Not c### though. I draw the line there.

This is my boundary too 😁

Seasaltsquall · 03/02/2024 14:09

I also agree with the OP about 'knowing your audience'.

DanceForAMomentOrTwo · 03/02/2024 14:12

My kids are 20 and 15. They don’t swear a lot but I’m not bothered when they do. If it became every other word or it was at us, obviously that would be different.

Original poster
PlusCaChangee · 03/02/2024 14:17

@Midnlghtrain no no I may have explained that wrongly! He's never sworn until recent times -from about 16

OP posts:
Runnerduck34 · 03/02/2024 14:17

My teens/ young adults swear in conversation frequently, I hate it.
There's loads of other words to use.
Don't care if that's how they talk with friends, but I just don't like it myself.
I only swear when in pain or frustrated or angry and not in every day conversation.
So I do say please don't swear, and generally they roll their eyes and ignore me🤣
Thinking about it I don't think they do it if its just me and them having a conversation but they they definitely do it when we are all together .

Original poster
PlusCaChangee · 03/02/2024 14:19

And it shows we are all a product of our upbringing I suppose? My mum and dad didn't do it so well, I don't - not in front of my kids

I know how I sound. I get it.

Our relationship is very good - we are close. I just left the room earlier when he muttered that the referee was a cunt but I did say 'no! Don't say that word in front of me! Where's your respect?' And he didn't see the issue at all

But I do understand I sound like Mary WhiteHouse reincarnated. I'm not

OP posts:
FlippyFloppyShoe · 03/02/2024 14:24

I've told mine that they should adjust their language to their surroundings. If they feel the need to swear and are with their mates who all swear, then fine, but if they are with me and I don't, then curb your language. If they are in any doubt then they should err on the side of not swearing.

soundsys · 03/02/2024 14:29

I think it's disrespectful especially as you've told him you don't like it.

My sister and I - in our 30s - still don't swear in front of our mum and would interject if any of our friends did tbh (we swear plenty when talking to each other when our mum isn't there!)

MaloneMeadow · 03/02/2024 14:29

PlusCaChangee · 03/02/2024 14:19

And it shows we are all a product of our upbringing I suppose? My mum and dad didn't do it so well, I don't - not in front of my kids

I know how I sound. I get it.

Our relationship is very good - we are close. I just left the room earlier when he muttered that the referee was a cunt but I did say 'no! Don't say that word in front of me! Where's your respect?' And he didn't see the issue at all

But I do understand I sound like Mary WhiteHouse reincarnated. I'm not

OP he said a bad word at the TV, he’s not killing kittens and I think you’re overreacting a bit. As long as he’s respectful enough to not do it at you or other people (which sounds to be the case) leave him be

Original poster
PlusCaChangee · 03/02/2024 14:31

@MaloneMeadow ah but they're weren't always adults so it would be weirder for me to suddenly start swearing as they turned 16, for example

It's just something I've always done - it's never been difficult to not swear in front of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
PlusCaChangee · 03/02/2024 14:32

@MaloneMeadow I know I know.

Oh fiddlesticks! I say bring back 'golly gosh'

Grin
OP posts:
Livinginanotherworld · 03/02/2024 14:39

Wouldn’t be acceptable in our household, my adult offspring wouldn’t disrespect me like that, I think they do swear with their Dad, but no way in front of me or other members of the family. They are a lot older than teenagers as well. Set your boundaries now.

Jennyjojo5 · 03/02/2024 15:27

I still wouldn’t dare swear in front of my parents but my boys (18 and 22) do it in front of them and my parents couldn’t care less lol. Don’t know why I couldn’t swear myself in front of them; I’d feel so naughty if I did!

my boys swear in front of me… doesn’t bother me at all. Never ever swear at me though

TerriPie · 03/02/2024 15:35

I'm not a prude at all but don't swear in general conversation.

My DH can revert back to his ex factory worker/ex military member mother tongue after a few drinks and I hate it. As soon as it starts all I can focus on are the swear words and I don't follow the conversation.

I would try and knock it out them, easier said than done though, as it will make them appear rough and thick to others.

usernother · 03/02/2024 15:37

Absolutely not. It shows disrespect for you. I still tell my children off if they swear in front on me and they are more than twice the age of your son. I don't swear in front of them either.

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