Older teenagers and swearing

[PlusCaChangee]

What's your view?

My youngest is 17, 18 later on in the year.

He's never sworn at me ever but when talking to me / watching football, he will swear. And not 'shit' or 'bloody hell' either. Quite happy to recount a story to me complete with swear words and win watching footy, quite happy to fling 'fuck' and the C word about

We've spoken about it and he doesn't see a problem. He said the problem would be if he ever swore at me and he says he would never do this. He says watching football or general chatting when emphasising about - not an issue in his eyes

I probably sound ridiculously prudish and I'm not. I swear all the time but I've never once done it in front of my kids and they're 25 and 17!

It's how I was brought up and well, it's hard to shake that off

So what's your viewpoint? He's only done it for the past year or so, so I didn't have a problem with him swearing when young but I don't like it much but can't work out whether to go off on one about it or just basically ignore it

He knows his audience and wouldn't do it at college / his part time job. But i view it as a respect thing and he disagrees

So what do you do?

If he can hold himself in at work or college he can hold himself in around you - he's choosing not to.

There is absolutely nothing wrong or prudish about not wanting to hear swearing in your home.

ds(19) knows I do not like casual swearing in general conversation so out of respect he just doesn't do it. If he did it would be nipped in the bud - with a "Errr, excuse me?" 🤨 and a "just don't" accompanied with a don't mess with me mum stare, and he would apologise and respect that.

I have also done it with his friends, who retort with their parents don't mind them swearing and they get a sharp "well this is my home and I do, so quit it or leave, your choice". Why any parent would raise their child with casual swearing so they end up challenging being able to swear in others homes is beyond me, whether anyone likes it or not casual swearing is not an attractive or sought after quality socially or professionally.

Anyone with a modicum of intelligence knows about appropriate language, and being respectful. Your son knows not to swear in school/at work, he can reign it in at home.

I swear when something goes wrong etc .. so do my teens - when the situation merits it it's fine .
I personally cannot understand the need to swear in everyday conversation. My friend's son does it while talking to her and I think it sounds disrespectful and inappropriate. Bad manners in my mind - in life you need to know how to adapt your behaviour to the situation .

Mine wouldn't swear in front of us, we don't swear at home. I have overheard fuck during gaming but not otherwise. I have never said anything I think they just took cues from us.

Its irrelevant if he sees a problem.
Its disrespectful to swear infront of someone who doesn't like it. Especially the c word its just vile imo

Your house your rules OP. I wouldn’t have tolerated my children swearing and they never did. Likewise, now in their thirties they have never, ever heard me swear. It’s the way I was brought up. They may swear with their friends and that’s up to them but they wouldn’t dream of doing it in front of me. While your son is living under your roof he should respect your feelings. He knows it bothers you so he shouldn’t do it.

Nope. Not in this family. I'm well aware my adult kids swear and if they occasionally slip up and say something sweary I don't mind, but wouldn't like it on a regular basis. Similarly, I don't swear in front of them, well, not the f or c bomb. I don't know why, I guess it's because that's how it was in my house growing up with my own parents. I remember dropping the f bomb in front of my mum and being mortified and I was in my 30's. Mum didn't bat an eyelid but I wasn't happy I'd done it. Maybe it's a respect thing, not sure 🤷

In my opinion it wouldn’t. You certainly don’t swear around young children but most people do relax a bit naturally once they’re older

I can't really comment I swear like a sailor

@NoTouch You must be fun at parties! Correcting your DC’s friends and being ‘that parent’ is a bit over the top.

I am with you op. I grew up with no swearing, have never sworn, and my kids know not too swear in our house. Our oldest is quite sweaty but will apologise if she does so in front of us. Son has not sworn in my hearing, neither had youngest daughter who is 17.

My 2 (20&22) swear in conversation. At first I used to say that’s enough but eldest says it’s just another worlds and if I swore at you then that would be a problem. So I’ve given up.

as long as they don’t tell me to fuck off then we are fine.

they don’t swear in front of their gran.

I agree that swearing is only an issue in terms of context and intent.
Intent .. Someone drops something and says "shit" to themselves... no issue.
Someone shouts at you that you are a shit. That's an issue.
And context. If there are younger children around or they are in some kind of formal or professional setting, that's an issue.
If they are just in their own home, I wouldn't see an issue.

I’m the same. I worked in pubs for 18 years and that’s where I learned all my sweary words. X

I find it stranger you think you can only be "fun" at a party if you are swearing, I don't see any relationship between the two.

My family does not casually swear, my friendship group do not casually swear, my work colleagues at nights out do not casually swear and you need to take my word for it we have plenty of fun.

Correcting teenagers in my home who are swearing is far from OTT. Letting it go in an attempt to be the cool parent/their friend is not doing them any favours as it is not usual to casually swear in most places.

I am not saying we do not occasionally swear if the situation warrants it, but I can go days without hearing a swear word and I very rarely hear one whether it is on the bus/train, in the street, in a cafe, etc, perhaps more in the local pub, but only from a select few (they are always also the loud ones who like to be heard).

Your "normal" with regard to swearing seems very different to mine.

Mixed opinions but all appreciated.

Very relaxed in our house. The kids are constantly swearing at each other anyway, pointless trying to police it.
I won't tolerate the c word but everything else is fair game.
I even refer to them as dickheads endearingly 😂

For those saying they don't like their children (mostly adult children) swearing infront of them/would never swear infront of their parents.... but do infront of mates/others....genuine question.... why is it disrespectful to you/them but OK in other circumstances/company? Do they not afford the same respect then?
I swear, my teenager does... we however wouldn't swear 'at' each other. Though there's often a ffs/knobhead muttered under my breath I'll admit!

No way would I tolerate it, and neither would most of the places I've worked.

Your home, he should respect your boundaries.

I agree with this - very odd to me!

For the same reason that there are different forms of address to different people in some languages/cultures - it's a mark of respect. Fine to swear amongst peers (friends or equal colleagues) at any adult age, but not to different generations, your boss, patients/customers/clients/teachers etc. For me swearing shows a lack of imagination and vocabulary, and used too often loses its meaning. It's suited for extremes of emotion (including at sporting occasions!) or for literary purposes, but shouldn't be every other word. Language is glorious, use all of it as befits the situation.

We all - us and the adult kids - swear with gay abandon in our house when it's just us, never in front of my parents, sometimes with good friends ... the social rules around swearing are complex I think.

But that's only us and what we're comfortable with. If you're not comfortable, then what works for you is different. I would keep reiterating to ds that you're not happy with him swearing around you, that it genuinely puts you on edge, and that he needs to stop.

I love your 'language is glorious, use all of it as befits the situation'. Totally agree!

Also have always accentuated to my kids, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Tone is everything. But I still make no exceptions for the 'c' word!