Pregnant at 14

[Evie14]

I did a pregnancy test today and I'm pregnant, I am so scared.
I don't know what to do, I don't want to tell anyone my Dad will be mad.

First of all, how long ago did you have sex? Do you know roughly how far along you are?
Secondly, do you have an adult who you trust that you can talk to?

I can understand you are scared. This won't go away. Tell a trusted adult. Perhaps they could be with you when you tell your dad? Good luck.

Is there anyone at school you could speak to? Everyone doesn't need to know (depending on what you want to do) but you will need a plan.

Yes, go and see your school nurse if you have one. I hope you have people you can trust to talk to.

You must tell someone , if you can't tell your family can you tell one of your friends mom and ask her to tell your mom or dad.
You are going to need a lot of support with whatever choice you are going to make and time is very important ,you can't hide pregnancy for very long and this is far to much worry for someone so young.
Please tell someone soon ,they will help you i'm sure x

Does your neighbourhood or town have a youth advice organisation you could call? Or could you talk to a teacher?

I can understand how scared you must be but you have to tell someone as you'll need advice and medical care. You can Google where your nearest sexual health clinic is and you could go in there and get anonymous advice about what to do or will happen next. They won't inform your family if you don't want them to and they won't even demand you tell them your name but they'll be able to give you advice and support.

When you say your dad will be mad, do you mean he'll be shocked and upset, or are you worried he will hurt you? Are you safe?

I would start by telling one person you know you can trust - a friend, or a sibling - and ask that person to be there if/when you tell your parents.

Also remember that you don't actually have to tell your parents if you feel that that would be unsafe - you're entitled to access medical care and advice independently at 14 - but I wouldn't recommend you leave your parents out of the loop unless telling them would put you in danger.

I know this feels like the end of the world, but it isn't. You have options, you have time, and you will be OK.

Are you in the UK OP?
There’s probably a nurse attached to school. Or perhaps a counselor? Both of those people would be able to help you work out what to do next. If you’re not sure, any teacher you like would be a good person to talk to. They won’t yell your Dad if you don’t want them to. They might encourage you to tell him yourself unless you think that would be dangerous for you.
If you’re not in UK be aware the laws and the help available to you might be different

As a secondary school teacher, I would absolutely advise you to speak to a teacher you like. We are experienced at what to do in these situations and can help you. We can point you in the right direction of help and support you all the way.

I'm around 10 weeks.

If my dad finds out he might not want me living with him anymore, my mum left a few months ago and he's not coping well.

If I tell someone I'm scared it will get back to my dad I live in a small town where everyone knows each other

Could you go and live with your Mum?

I'm sorry, I know it's hard, but you have to tell someone as soon as possible.

It can be your parent(s), a teacher, a friends mum, your granny or your aunt, a Dr, someone at a family planning or sexual health clinic - but you need to talk to someone. You could even ask a friend to tell their parent, and that parent to tell your Mum or Dad.

You probably want to ignore this and hope it goes away. I know it's hard, but you can't, and it won't. Right now, you have options - if you wait, you might find that by the time you feel ready to deal with it those options aren't possible any more. So it's very very important that you speak to someone as soon as you can.

Absolutely talk to a teacher and have them help you with what to do. You have time and nobody has to find out if that’s what you want.

You will have a safeguarding lead at school - go and talk to them. If not them is there a pastoral manager you get on with? A teacher? A TA?

I had a termination at 16. Never regretted it for a second.

At 14 the best thing you could do is make a GP appointment and ask them for a referral for a termination as soon as possible.

What a stupid thing to say. Not everyone wants a termination and you shouldn't be trying to persuade someone who hasn't even stated their thoughts.

Can you call your GP tomorrow for an emergency appointment, maybe say you want to see a female doctor because it’s a sensitive case, then try to talk with her about the different options? You need to do this asap.

Come on, you would advise a 14 year old to continue with a pregnancy? Of course it’s her choice but there is obviously a more sensible solution here.

(Wasn’t my original post by the way)

I will ring them tomorrow and try and get an appointment.

If I do choose an abortion can I have one without an adult present? Can I go on my own?

I wish I knew the answer to that question but I’m not familiar with the English law, your GP will be able to answer that question. Good luck with all. Sending a big 🤗

Whether you want to continue or end the pregnancy or are undecided, phone BPAS or MSI Reproductive Choices.
they will talk you through all your options and as long as they feel you are able to make your own decisions, they won’t involve your dad if you really don’t want him to know.
bpas 03457304030
msi - you can also book online https://www.msichoices.org.uk/abortion-online-booking/
please get in touch with either of them - lovely people who will support you all the way, whatever you decide.

I should have added their services are free (funded by nhs) and you usually don’t need to go through your GP, unless you want to speak you your GP first.

Actually I just googled it and you can have an abortion without your parent consent: https://www.nupas.co.uk/information-for-under-18s/