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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What age did you leave your child at home?

29 replies

Orangebadger · 09/01/2024 12:11

I am not quite in the teen stage yet, but heading there with my 11 yr old. In September she will be starting secondary school and she will be 12 in November. Currently they (DS is 6) go to a child minder for wrap around care twice a week and in the holidays the odd day with the childminder or a club/ wrap around care.

Now when she is in secondary obviously no more child care. What age did you leave your teen at home while you went to work for the day in the holidays?

Despite my DD being very sensible and mature I just think 12 is too young for this. I am not sure what I will do with her when I am working in the school holidays!

OP posts:
Timetolose3 · 09/01/2024 12:25

Most secondaries have lots of after school activities which probably can extend the day by about an hour - do encourage her to sign up . In my local area there are definitely activity type holiday clubs catering for teens - recommend you have a look on a Facebook group for your local area .

I have a 13 and 15 year old and still haven’t left them for a whole day - just a few hours . A lot of it is dependent on personality - mine are very different and the elder could be left earlier than the younger !

Nineteendays · 09/01/2024 12:28

I have an 11yo ds in year 7 (not 12 until august). I have left him for up to about 4 hours on his own. I haven’t felt comfortable leaving him longer yet and haven’t really needed to either. He’d probably be fine though and not move from his Xbox. He goes out with his friends for a good few hours at a time too into town.

wwyd2021medicine · 09/01/2024 12:29

There are so many variables.
I left DC at home alone from secondary age but I was 15 minutes drive away, village setting and nice neighbours and only at work 2 full days in the week. And DC were sensible and tended to stay in bed until 12 noon anyway.

If I lived in the middle of nowhere, they weren't sensible or I was a significant way away with public transport it would be a different matter.

She was getting 2 trains to school anyway so reckoned that was more risky than a day at home alone

AvengedQuince · 09/01/2024 12:32

The odd inset day from 10, regularly in the holidays from 11.

Hye000 · 09/01/2024 12:33

Guess it all depends on the child, I have been leaving my DD 12 (just turned in Dec) home alone for short periods starting when she was 11. I have left her during the day at home for up to 8+hours (most of that she was probably In bed though!) she is very mature, knows not to open the door, has a phone, doesn’t try to cook anything except occasionally uses the air fryer. We live in a quiet cul de sac so I’m not concerned about external issues, we have family all around us so she would only have one street to walk to get help if need be.

definitely depends on your own child

SnowsFalling · 09/01/2024 12:40

DS1 has spent occasional days home alone since starting secondary.
DS2 has always had his big brother with him on full days, but is happy to be left - and is regularly left for an hour or 2 on his own.

I would be uneasy about whole weeks with adults out 8-6. Mainly due to the amount of noodles they would eat and screen time!

Most parents can get more than 5 weeks by having some weeks with just one parent there. But not the full 13 of school holidays.

AvengedQuince · 09/01/2024 12:57

I would be uneasy about whole weeks with adults out 8-6.

I broke it up by taking a day or two off per week. Though, during lockdown one, at 13, he was home for six weeks straight before I sent him back to school.

Tomatoketchupred · 09/01/2024 12:58

I left my son at 10. Because he’s very sensible. Only for an hour, maybe 2 at most, but he was always fine with it. My eldest however is 14 and I still dither about her being alone! Depends on the child really.

BlueChampagne · 09/01/2024 13:02

DD1 alone after school from start of Y7, but in holidays carried on doing holiday clubs with DS in Y7. She was in Y8 when covid hit so we have a bit of a hiatus, but haven't bothered with holiday clubs for either of them since.

Meadowfinch · 09/01/2024 13:04

DS was 10 when I left him for three hours on a Friday afternoon, but only after checking he was happy with that.

He was 12 when I left him for a whole work day. He's calm, sensible and knew the neighbours were at home if there was an emergency.

I still haven't left him overnight - he's 16.

MaloneMeadow · 09/01/2024 13:55

DD was 14 when I first left her for the whole day. She definitely could’ve been left from a younger age as she was very mature and sensible but felt she would be too lonely so I respected her wishes. Thing’s definitely would’ve been different if she wasn’t an only child and had siblings around or even just friends nearby to pop over during the day. We lived in the country at the time so she couldn’t just go round to anyone’s house or anything like that. I am very fortunate that during the holidays DM and DSis were able to take her along with her cousins for the day, don’t know what I would’ve done without them for all those years

reluctantbrit · 10/01/2024 18:17

We started letting DD come home from school alone in Summer term of Y6. She was alone for around 2 hours if DH wasn't home. She still had the option to stay with her childminder if she was anxious, that helped with the transition a lot.

During the holidays in Y6 she already didn't want to go to clubs anymore but as DH worked he was only there for absolute emergencies, she learnt how to spend the day alone.

We started with leaving her for a couple of hours at a weekend in Y6, staying fairly local but going for shopping/walk/meal without her to get her used to be alone.

So when she started secondary, DH works from home permanently so normally someone was there in the holidays but if he was on a trip then yes, she was alone for the day.

You start with short periods and extend.

judgedreadful · 10/01/2024 18:29

10 years old when I started leaving for short periods then built it up. Eldest now 12 year 8 and stays home alone in the holidays most of the day when I go to the office.

Teenagersscarethelivinshitoutofme · 10/01/2024 18:35

From 10. I'm a teacher and so from y7 she was home alone on my inset days, she liked it but not all children are so happy to spend time alone.

Burntouted · 12/01/2024 13:29

I agree with your partner. 12 is too young regardless of maturity or not. Send her to a child miner.

SnowsFalling · 12/01/2024 14:14

Burntouted · 12/01/2024 13:29

I agree with your partner. 12 is too young regardless of maturity or not. Send her to a child miner.

Childminders don't take secondary school aged children.

Original poster
Orangebadger · 12/01/2024 21:45

Burntouted · 12/01/2024 13:29

I agree with your partner. 12 is too young regardless of maturity or not. Send her to a child miner.

Who are you replying to? I have not mentioned my partner.

OP posts:
NewName24 · 12/01/2024 22:04

Childminders don't take secondary school aged children.

Says who ?
Childminders are self employed. If they are happy for a child to return to them after they have started secondary, that's between them and the family.

Temporaryanonymity · 12/01/2024 22:18

Single parent.

I left my boys alone for the odd trip to the corner shop from about age 8/9. By 11 they were regularly alone after school. Very sensible, independent sorts.

By age 16 (youngest 14) I was hospitalised for 5 nights and they looked after themselves very well - ordered groceries, did laundry, etc.

Original poster
Orangebadger · 13/01/2024 10:22

NewName24 · 12/01/2024 22:04

Childminders don't take secondary school aged children.

Says who ?
Childminders are self employed. If they are happy for a child to return to them after they have started secondary, that's between them and the family.

Ah I did not know this. This might be worth looking into for the odd day over holidays.

I am pretty sure I will be fine with my daughter being at home for a couple of hours after school, that's only twice a week. It's the odd day over the holidays

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangebadger · 13/01/2024 10:24

Thank you for all the replies. Lots of ideas. Will also look into clubs locally.

I have been leaving my DD alone to pop to the shops and when I take the dog for a short walk since she was 10. I imagine now I would be ok with an hour or 2, but the whole day.

Maybe half a day at home and half a day with childminder/ club/ friend etc

OP posts:
VisiblyNot25 · 13/01/2024 10:25

My DD is 12 (started high school in September). We leave her for 2-3 hrs but I don’t feel comfortable leaving her any longer than that. I also don’t feel comfortable being anywhere it would take be more than 30mins to get back to her - and we have grandparents just round the corner she could call on in an emergency. I think she likes the freedom/ space but think she’d be lonely for longer than a couple of hours.

PPTorPDF · 13/01/2024 10:41

I've not left DS14 alone for a whole day yet although that's because I've never needed to. I wouldn't have left a year 7 alone for a day.

Original poster
Orangebadger · 13/01/2024 11:08

VisiblyNot25 · 13/01/2024 10:25

My DD is 12 (started high school in September). We leave her for 2-3 hrs but I don’t feel comfortable leaving her any longer than that. I also don’t feel comfortable being anywhere it would take be more than 30mins to get back to her - and we have grandparents just round the corner she could call on in an emergency. I think she likes the freedom/ space but think she’d be lonely for longer than a couple of hours.

Yes I think my DD would get lonely too. Luckily my work is local so only 20 min bike ride away. We have lovely neighbours and she has lots of local friends. I imagine I will look at combining the day with 2 things. We will probably be able to deal with this ok until summer hols and by then she will be coming up to 13 and is mature for her age. So it may be a different story by then, we shall see.

OP posts:
MonaChopsis · 15/01/2024 18:54

OP I found DD matured astonishly fast after the transition to high school. She very quickly went from organised playdates to 'hanging out' with her friends in the village, coming and going as she pleased. Much helped by having her own phone so being able to group-chat and organise getting together! I suspect by next summer you DD'll be independent enough to do the same.