Getting my 13 year old excited for Christmas

[Vuurhoutjies]

DS is just 13, year 8. Broadly, he's a good kid but he's heading into the phase of being in his room, door closed, as much as possible! Luckily, he does quite a lot of sport etc so we still get time together and we chat and he's not completely invisible!

But he's so indifferent to Christmas, which is bad enough, but I think that ironically, he feels sad about that too. He said to me the other day that he just isn't excited about it at all and it's weird because he used to love Christmas.

the problem is that he won't really eat a lot of Christmas treats - he has previously been overweight and while he's absolutely slim now, he worries (which is, in itself, an issue and concern for me and his dad). He's not really into Christmas movies or shows (although DH might have more luck at getting him to watch with him once the holidays start as DS likes to watch movies with DH late at night). Last year I took him and DD to Disney on Ice which he quite enjoyed so maybe I should find something like that - but money is a bit tight and due to work timings, it's going to be hard to find the time this year.

What can I do to get him a bit excited? I think he's probably also suffering a bit from SAD. He hates the him and his friends can't really meet up at the park, or go out as much as none of us want them walking around in the cold/dark/wet.

Any ideas of things I can do/suggest for him when he's on holiday next week to get him bit more psyched up?

Having been that teenager, can you try treating him (in this regard) as an adult? Look up what adults do to be Christmassy near you and do those? So seeing lights, visiting stately homes/castles (a thing where I grew up), Christmas markets, get him involved in arranging family's presents and maybe in wrapping them, ice skating with his friends if you have a temporary rink near you, a wreath making workshop? If he thinks it sounds naff he can tell his friends he's doing it all to cheer you up.

I did think a trip to London and a Christmas market could be good. The BBC earth experience thing might be something he'd enjoy so we could do that and then a market or something - just being in London with all the lights etc might juice him up a bit.

My daughters (now 17 and 20) went from being excited kids at Christmas to largely not bothered at about 12. I think it's a tricky age because some of the more overtly child like elements of the holiday (visit to Santa, getting up at crack of dawn for presents, mince pie for the reindeer etc) are gone or starting to go at that age, but they don't really want to spend the day with adult family eating and chatting necessarily either. They're just finding their feet I think at what can be a stressful time of year for anyone.

I'd say don't put too much pressure on him. Let him know that you'd love to have his company during the Christmas period and him to be involved in watching films and playing games but he can have his own space too.

I'm not a fan of Christmas movies, pantos and especially Holiday on Ice - so why do you expect your DS to be - he's developing his own preferences at 13 which is as it should be. My DP isn't keen on Christmas treats (doesn't like mince pies, Christmas pudding or cake) - again his preferences. I don't force feed him these.

Ask your son if there is anything special he would like to eat on Christmas day / Boxing day. Can you arrange for a sleep over with his friends during the holidays?

Remember also at 13, he will be starting to pull away from you as a parent, in small ways at least. Yes it's sad but a perfectly normal part of growing up. Your job at this point is to provide the safe, loving home where he comes back to as he 'finds' out the adult he is to become. And that adult may not be someone who gets all excited about Christmas.

Thanks all. I'm going to plan a day in London for the two of us as I think he would enjoy that and even without doing anything particularly christmassy, it gets him in the mood! He's all about Nike so might take him past a Nike store to pick one or two things he can then have for Christmas.

Knowing he's a bit miserable as he can't play football/basketball with his buddies outside at the moment, DH and I talked earlier and have decided to book an indoor court for them next week and let them have a bit of a play and we'll take a few Christmas treats along for them to have afterwards (to be clear - we won't be there as we know he'd rather die, I'm talking about treats they can take with them when we drop them off and they get out the car without acknowledging our existence! )

He does like movies so DH is going to either suggest movie out for the two of them or a late night movie at home.

Ice skating.
very popular with teens around here, that’s where they move after years of visiting Santa’s grotto. 🙂

Also anything he loves - going to cinema with friends because they have free time on holidays and going for a pizza after, bowling, etc. Anything which is a treat for him - to make him excited about period of treats with lights and decorations on.

Same with my DS13 who has been complaining of not feeling 'merry' this year. All part of growing up I suppose. I agree with not putting pressure on him to feel Christmassy. Any of tbe activities I've suggested have been met with disgust/horror, but you can't force these things at their age. I'm going to get mine involved in the cooking as he likes food - can you put yours in charge of decorating the tree?

I think that in theory, he would love ice skating but he is borderline dyspraxic and struggles with new balance things etc so I think it's out unless we're willing to go a few times so he can really work at it privately in advance. Which isn't practical around here.

Sending him bowling with a few buddies is another good shout - thanks. There's a bowling alley that is accessible by bus as well which he loves as taking a bus makes him feel independent. I do usually give him a small "holiday" allowance so maybe for Christmas I'll give him a few holiday "treats" like this and the indoor basketball/football court already agreed. A bit more expensive than his usual holiday allowance but I think worth it in this case.

This is not at all what adults to at Christmas, is it?

Isn't this completely normal? When you become a teenager presents aren't as exciting and why does everyone have to like Christmas anyway?

Why does he have to be excited? He's growing up, and I think it's completely normal to be a bit sceptical at this age. Just let him chill out a bit.

You could offer him to have his friends round.
Die Hard is also a Christmas movie.

So is it about Christmas mood or is it about him enjoying only specific activities with his friends without you and now not being able to do them due to time of the year ?
when I mentioned ice skating I didn’t mean that he would go on his own, I meant it as a Christmassy activity. We went last Friday and a lot of teens were there holding parents hands for a start - we did this with DD and my friend did this with her son and daughter at first - she was holding their hands, then hot chocolate in a cafe etc. However it seems that your son wants to go out just with friends but can’t do this yet in a lot of places if so the Christmas is not an issue - the level of independence is, it’s a tricky age.

I liked going to the Christmas Ballet at that age (still do) perhaps not for every teenager but perhaps some kind of Christmas show?

Any younger siblings or cousins? I found my lot were far too cool for Christmas as teens but if you put them in charge of elf on the shelf or writing the return letter of Santa then they can be remarkably enthusiastic as part of the production, I suppose. If not, maybe put them in charge of organising a Christmas movie night?

Following, I am looking for suggestions to keep my teenage children excited for Xmas too. I hope you get some good suggestions @Vuurhoutjies

I think it's partly that you have to accept he's not going to want to do the same things anymore, and partly he needs to find new things to do and that will be with his friends more than with you. Do you have anything like Winter Wonderland in your area? Find a cinema that's showing Home Alone or similar?

Also it's perfectly possible he feels less excited than he did as a little kid and what excitement he feels he might not express in the same way.

Do encourage him to get outside. Playing football etc in the park is fine even when it's cold and wet.

Ds is still out doing his football in all weathers! I wash 4 very muddy kits a week 🤦‍♀️
My ds will turn 15 2 days before Christmas, it’s a tricky time. He and his dad are decorating the tree together on Thursday night as I’m out on my work do. I’m taking ds to do his Christmas shopping this weekend, and we will have hot chocolate and mince pies in a cafe. Then we’ve booked Christmas Eve dinner out a a fun burger restaurant, also booked “A Christmas Carol” at the theatre as he’s doing that for GCSE anyway.

My DS is also 13. He seems to be interested in visiting a Christmas market and the prospect of food in his stocking, but that's about it. Oh, and two weeks worth of lie-ins.
I'm wondering if the Fortnite item shop might illicit brief excitement too, but I don't think they've started the Christmas stuff yet.
It's a tricky age.

It's only 12th December - there's over a week to go! Maybe he'll get more excited once term finishes.

I'm intrigued by your username @Vuurhoutjies. Is it Afrikaans?

My 13 year old emerges from her layer for food and company.

She randomly started decorating the tree last night, which was nice to see.
Happy about going to a panto since they make her laugh. Baking is a good one, she loves cooking. I am asking her to design Christmas day menu.

She likes being put in charge of certain tasks.

Allowing her to trim her bedroom up with spare decorations.

She wanted to buy her own gifts for me to wrap. So she enjoyed shopping for all that with a budget to stick to. I've also bought her some surprises.

I don't know what to suggest for a boy. Christmas market with a bit of spending money or ice skating, watching a football match? Doing something together, which is a bit more adult, like go for a pub lunch?

I think ice skating is a unique one for him as he would not enjoy it in a group with his friends (with or without parents) because he struggles with activities like this due to his SPD - he's not dyspraxic but has lots of markers. Basically, he just doesn't quite meet the threshold to be considered dyspraxic. I think he would learn to ice skate and would then be quite happy to go with friends and grown ups, but wouldn't enjoy it the first few times with a group as it would 100% be much harder for him than for others and he would feel self conscious.

Some things he wouldn't mind going with us - trip to London (alone or with friends) etc. I took him and a couple of buddies to Chessington World of Adventures in the summer and we all had a great time and did lots of rides together.

Some things (a basketball/football session at a gym) he would absolutely NOT want us around for! it's not really a christmassy activity though, unless I make it that way?

Bowling is probably somewhere in the middle but the option to do the bus trip probably pushes it into a non-parental activity with, quite likely, a post bowling visit to our house which would be fine!

I think you raise a good point though - he's feeling a bit down generally as life isn't as fun in the cold, dark, wet and he's got a bit less independence and while DD feels the same, she compensates by being super excited by the daily antics of her Elf on a Shelf, planning her secret Santa etc etc.

It's an adjustment period I think, out of childhood and too young for adulthood. We started a tradition of going to the theatre on Christmas Eve, things like the play that goes wrong or Peter Pan goes wrong etc.

Yes. I'm South African but English speaking. Vuurhoutjies is my FAVOURITE word in Afrikaans because it's so literal - it's the Afrikaans word for matches but the literal translation is "little fire sticks".