Getting my 13 year old excited for Christmas

[Vuurhoutjies]

DS is just 13, year 8. Broadly, he's a good kid but he's heading into the phase of being in his room, door closed, as much as possible! Luckily, he does quite a lot of sport etc so we still get time together and we chat and he's not completely invisible!

But he's so indifferent to Christmas, which is bad enough, but I think that ironically, he feels sad about that too. He said to me the other day that he just isn't excited about it at all and it's weird because he used to love Christmas.

the problem is that he won't really eat a lot of Christmas treats - he has previously been overweight and while he's absolutely slim now, he worries (which is, in itself, an issue and concern for me and his dad). He's not really into Christmas movies or shows (although DH might have more luck at getting him to watch with him once the holidays start as DS likes to watch movies with DH late at night). Last year I took him and DD to Disney on Ice which he quite enjoyed so maybe I should find something like that - but money is a bit tight and due to work timings, it's going to be hard to find the time this year.

What can I do to get him a bit excited? I think he's probably also suffering a bit from SAD. He hates the him and his friends can't really meet up at the park, or go out as much as none of us want them walking around in the cold/dark/wet.

Any ideas of things I can do/suggest for him when he's on holiday next week to get him bit more psyched up?

Would he and a couple of friends be interested in trying to skate at one of the rinks? That's festive and sporty at the same time.

How about building up a fire in a firepit and inviting his mates around for a frosty after school picnic of pizza or hot dogs?

I found a good silly show worked when DC were that age. Family tickets to something like The Play That Goes Wrong don't have to cost the earth. (From £20) Or Hamilton or Stranger Things stage show if he liked the TV series.

But also, don't worry about it. My two both went through a phase of feeling flat about Christmas at that age. It's natural and they grow back out of it again once they get into the teenage partying age. Now they are adults they long just to come home and be cooked for and pampered.

Sorry - missed your post about iceskating.

I think the suggestion of The Play that Goes Wrong is a great suggestion, or even a comedy show or something? Maybe an escape room?
I definitely remember feeling flat about Christmas once I'd grown out of the santa/toys stage, as the whole season felt so empty without it. It can feel like christmas is totally centred around that element, and once you're past it there doesn't seem much else to enjoy. It took me a while to realise that you can enjoy other things during christmas that aren't necessarily christmassy. I still feel winter is long but I make sure to organise a few things to look forward to in winter like a show, cinema trips, comedy nights etc ...maybe model this for him? Like agreeing that the days are long and dark and look up things to do.
It sounds like you're doing loads though with the sports hall and the trip to London!
Also, maybe he's grown out of christmas films aimed at younger kids but would he enjoy the christmas episodes of malcolm in the middle? Or even make a list of non christmas films to watch, and have a few movie night?

I’m not selling ice skating, not at all. My point is that you need to move to different activities at this age and often it’s a grown up activities you do with your parents for maybe even a few years and then move to do them with friends without parents. My DD is on her second year of ice skating and can’t do it on her own yet due to physical issues but she enjoys to do it with us and looking forward to it. Cinema and shopping trips are for doing with friends.

he's a bit miserable as he can't play football/basketball with his buddies outside at the moment

Why not? Spending time outdoors is really important even when it's cold (and wet, unless torrential/dangerous)

As PP have suggested and I think you have taken up, lots of indoor sporting activities to try.

But generally I would back off needing him to show excitement for Christmas activities. What are things he likes doing, what are things you can do together? Would he like to take charge of some of the Christmas meals? Make the starter or canapés or mince pies? Or plan?

Bit otherwise take the Christmas pressure off. It doesn't all have to be Christmas specific.

Yes @pizzaHeart and your suggestions re bowling and cinema were great, and I'm going to look into them, thank you. I'm also looking into doing things with him that I might do with another adult - like wondering around some Christmas markets or visiting London just to generally see it, experience the lights, have a nice lunch. Some of these activities he an do with friends, some with me/us and some with both.

But I won't be taking him ice skating at this point because I know it would just be stressful for him and I'm not putting him through it.

Why not? Spending time outdoors is really important even when it's cold (and wet, unless torrential/dangerous)

Another aspect of his SPD is that he really really hates mud! :) He also won't wear weather appropriate clothing. He doesn't actually mind being out in the cold or even the rain so at least I'm not dealing with someone who is completely house bound, but sport is tricky.

Yes, it's not that I need him all juiced up for Christmas specifically. it's that he's feeling a bit miserable and definitely not at all festive so a combination of ideas - lots on this thread which is brilliant - is needed just to make him feel a bit happier generally at this point. A bit of festive cheer, a bit less feeling down because everyone is indoors etc. I don't need him dancing round the house singing Christmas carols!

OP you need to sit down and give your head a wobble. Leave him he. He’s 13 not 3 for goodness sake! So what if he’s not excited about Christmas this year? He’s growing up, it’s normal. You’re making an issue out of nothing. Stop trying to push your interests onto him or you’ll likely end up putting him off it all together. He’s an individual who is allowed his own likes and dislikes. Some people just aren’t Christmas people, end of.

DD is 19 and hasn’t been properly excited about Christmas since she was about 12. This year she’s not even bothered about presents in the slightest.

You talked about avoiding the unhealthy Christmas treats but would he be interested in making things like prawn cocktails? Obliterating vegetables with a stick blender to puree soup seems to be acceptable to teenage boys too. Apparently it's 'very satisfying'.

Why does he have to be excited? Many people are indifferent to or actively dislike Christmas, but put up with it because it's a time that's automatically off-work and therefore can be a good occasion to see family, some of whom want to do Christmas. Essentially the family obligation forces them to endure Christmas as a thing as well. Seeing as he's a teen in your house and you want to celebrate Christmas in some way, he can't get away from it either. As long as he's not always miserable and not actively depressed, what's the problem?

Sounds like he is seeing through the hype and doesn't want to use Christmas as an excuse to pig out and make himself fat and sick. Sounds like an astute youngster to me!

Trying to "make him like Christmas" will just make him feel like there is something lacking in HIM, when there really isn't.

I get the suffering from SAD. That needs to be addressed with outdoor exercise - never mind the cold, wear the right clothes and go! Find an engrossing hobby and so on. Keep up with friends. I have found a light box incredibly helpful for SAD. There's a long winter to get through and Christmas is only a tiny part of it, so the focus IMO should be on addressing the SAD.

Nothing to add other than thank you for normalising this! I've been quite sad that DD13 isn't bothered by Xmas and feel like I should be doing something to change that but seemingly it's the norm and I should just largely be dictated by her and what she wants/ needs.
We're doing Xmas market this weekend but otherwise nothing planned for two weeks. She can have sleepover with her mates and cinema etc. I might suggest bowling.

@Ostagazuzulum yes, it's quite tricky. But to be fair, I've realised he'll come along with things. We've had a busy week but we have lots planned for next week and he's okay with that. So I'm hoping it's all good.

Also, his main Christmas present wasn't due to arrive until January - he knew that. But there's a SMALL chance it might turn up in time instead. I haven't told him. But that WILL excite him!