At what age did things start to go wrong?

[Foxesandsquirrels]

For the parents of the mode difficult teens, at what age did they change? For us DD went from being the easiest, calmest kid, to a very very difficult teen beginning of Y10, so right after 14th birthday. It seems this is quite common. Either the 13th or 14th birthday seems to be the most common.
Thankfully we're slowly getting to the other end, but I'm curious if this is something others have also noticed?

Well, we've been lucky with our oldest who is 15.5 and still lovely... for a lot of people I know where things have been more challenging, with girls it's actually been pre-teens, they start getting kind of pouty and door-slammy about 10/11. Boys I'm less aware about.

@Echobelly interesting. We never experienced any of that but the pre teen years were spent on lockdown for us so maybe that's why.

DS1 Good til 15 (late Y10), still challenging at 17.
DS2 is 14 still and fine though a bit moody.

@SomersetBrie I've heard it tends to be later for boys! Hope things calm down soon

Ds argumentative and resentful at times between ages 14-16, towards me, but nothing extreme or that I couldn't cope with and nothing outside the home. He was always lovely to extended family, worked hard etc and was lovely about 80% of the time.

Dd was absolutely horrific years 5&6, so 10 - 12 - early September baby so puberty earlier than most. Moody, screamy and aggressive, constantly on egg shells round her. Went into year 7 and been lovely ever since. I think she'd just had enough of being babied at primary. Once she got to secondary and wasn't being micro managed all the time she really settled down,

DS good until 15, still awful a lot of the time at 17.

Seemed to set in at 14 and lasted until around 19 for us. That's just the 1st one! I got one in the middle of obnoxious dick mode and one still on the approach. Good luck to us all. Stay strong, and remember your lovely son/daughter is still in there.

13-16 was rough with DS. He was angry, emotional and defiant. He’s 19 now and a pleasure - laid back, polite, helpful. Like night and day to a few years ago.

DD is 15. 13-14 she was very angsty and tearful, I think probably hormones. She seems to be a bit more settled now, but in my experience, the teenage years are like the toddler years…a rollercoaster! Just when you think all is well, some new crisis comes up,

For DD - things changed round 13, still trying at 15.5. She was not an easy child but was relatively calm from 3-13. It's not a disaster but she's not an easy to steer and biddable teen, that's for sure.

Dd2 was 12. It coincided with lock down so we are never sure how much that contributed.

12-17 for DD, she's generally lovely now at 18. DS is autistic and hasn't really changed much as a teenager, expect he now refuses to come anywhere and stays in his room gaming

I change my mind about mine almost daily - 15 - not too bad at the mo though he was awful about 11 - just really emotional and pretty obnoxious about 13 - he’s forthright now and critical about everything - a lot of the time he’s not really wrong though 🤷🏻‍♀️

13 - always been a bit of a handful and if he performs to type will be much worse than DS1 . I do feel a bit like I’m waiting for chaos to begin .

I long to be the person who says "It was tough for a while but now he's an absolute joy."

Same same. DD is 15.5 now and I have the same hope tbh. It's so up and down!

Things became difficult for DD age 13, the previous two years were the lockdown years which I think have had a huge impact for her. I’m hoping things will improve after her GCSEs…

We’ve never had any big issues, BUT, with my son I definitely noticed a change at 14 til about 16, so year 9 til part way through year 11.

He is 20 and at uni now and we’ve talked about that period of time. He said there was lots of peer pressure and it was actually quite a miserable time for him, trying to keep friends but at the same time he knew he didn’t want to be a ‘dickhead’ and wanted to do well at school. He actually said he felt bad for pulling away from us a bit. 😔 It was never anything major, but a noticeable difference. He’s absolutely lovely now, very open, respectful, funny, sensible etc. 🙏🏻

My daughter is 15 and is easy in terms of teen angst. She tells us everything and doesn’t take any notice of peer pressure. She has autism and I think that’s why she’s detached from it all. Obviously there’s other things that aren’t easy for her.

Age 12 ish for one, and she wasn't really that bad, she just pushed boundaries a little. Now she's a lovely 20 year old whose company I really enjoy.
17 year old, never really. Been up and down with bullying but that is all.
Another 17 year old in the house, absolutely awful. I feel we've peaked (but maybe that's because she won't speak to us) but it's been horrendous since about 11/12. I hope we've peaked!!

14 was when it started with DD and although a lot of the emotional stuff was the worst then, I’m finding post 16 the toughest as she is rushing to adulthood, but with it comes responsibility which she’s not necessarily wanting to do. I’m going to sound like a real old git (and I work in tech!) but I think the added online dimension is making stuff trickier

I think each one of different depending on their circumstances. Mine was okay. But he has an on going medical problem that was a lot of appointments and is helping him when he was and still is in pain. He can be moody at times but he copes with a lot. And he relies on us for lifts to and from work. But he has a wonderful girlfriend and she has always had a good influence on him.

@Sleeplessinseattle234 that's so lovely to hear. DD has just recently acquired a really lovely boyfriend who's having a good impact on her.

My DD has only just turned 13 so I can't really comment but following with interest.
We noticed a huge personality change when she turned 12. It was shortly after starting high school so a time of big change for her.
She was the sweetest, most loving child who loved spending time with us. The change was so sudden, almost overnight. And she not really doing anything bad - she's just completely withdrawn from the family and doesn't communicate much any more. I had this sense of bereavement. I really miss spending time with her and I miss who she used to be.

Soon as he hit 12 over night turned into a Kevin & Perry.

@SallyWD 😓 I'm sorry. They do come back! Maybe check her phone etc.

15 for my two eldest DS. Over pretty quickly in both. DS3 is now 13 so hoping he's ok

@Plankingplanks what does quickly mean? Asking for a friend lol