At what age did things start to go wrong?

[Foxesandsquirrels]

For the parents of the mode difficult teens, at what age did they change? For us DD went from being the easiest, calmest kid, to a very very difficult teen beginning of Y10, so right after 14th birthday. It seems this is quite common. Either the 13th or 14th birthday seems to be the most common.
Thankfully we're slowly getting to the other end, but I'm curious if this is something others have also noticed?

In my experience it’s 13 for girls and 15 for boys

12. Got better around 15 but still hard work.

Mine was probably 13-16, not helped by lockdown and illness.

She's now 17 and still challenging. Has anger issues and obsessions that i find it hard to deal with. I know I shouldn't say anything but I do and it leads to arguments.

It's not normal to wear the same joggers every day is it?!? Specially when they are taken from the line still wet? 😳

DD is very up and down. Y9 - moody little shit. Y10 (so far) - absolute angel. I’m not gonna hold my breath; I know how these things can zigzag!

I know for sure I was a complete horror from 15. I’m hoping DD is nothing like I was, but if she is I can only blame karma and beg DM’s forgiveness!

It’s never been easy here but an ASC diagnosis. 14 currently and pretty unpleasant at home particularly to me and we walk on eggshells a lot. Outside the home a bit better behaviour generally which gives me hope. Not just kids changing too though I think society has which I can’t really explain. I keep saying try to be kind and get the response ‘it doesn’t work like that now’ 🤷‍♀️

I agree with your last bit. Our teens are growing up in a very materialistic and selfish world that's currently overloaded with negative news. It makes it so much harder when you don't have the small bubble of a community.

@Foxesandsquirrels
Thanks, it’s reassuring to hear other’s views. Definitely no bubble here and I do feel technology and mobile phones have exacerbated difficulties for us. I had no idea and now it feels like trying to shut the stable door after the horse has bolted! I just hope that modelling behaviour at home will eventually have the desired results but it feels like a long slog at times especially when not much is reciprocated. Keep on keeping on!

Just after dds 14th bday but that also coincided with going into the first lockdown which seriously damaged her mental health.

My dd now 15 changed during lockdown so around 12. Became distant and moody but now is really suffering with her mental health (angry outbursts, self harming, occasionally feels suicidal). Feel like things have got gradually worse, she’s moody, disrespectful and rude. Difficult to disipline or reward as doesn’t care about anything. I still see glimpses of my lovely daughter at times and hoping she is fully back to being our lovely girl one day! 😢

A few months. Up to 6, I mean they can still be idiots but the moronic shite stopped after a few months.

DS1 is 23 and still waiting, DS2 (22) was a bit of an arsehole probably age 12/13 and been lovely since.

I don't think it's a given what happens, depends on lots of factors. I don't think we are parents of the year, just a combination of personality/temperament, friends, location etc.

DD14 is on the spectrum with possible demand avoidance & ADHD so her behaviour has always been challenging but we found it really kicked off in year 7 & is at it’s worst now. DH & I have almost been broken. She wants to leave home as soon as she’s 16 & we have both had to resist the temptation to offer to help her pack!

DS didn't turn at all
But then we had DD
She changed at 11 and in the last couple of weeks is changing 'back' I can see glimpses of loveliness
She is 18

My son is 16 and changed during his GCSEs, year 11 aged 15. It seemed over night he became rude and insulting mostly towards me as well as very disrespectful, secretive and self entitled. He didn’t go out and was in such a foul mood all the time. I didn’t handle it well because I didn’t know how to, I’d stupidly argue back sometimes - it all felt sudden and I took it all very personally. I ignore it now then call it out later and don’t pander to him as much allowing him to get in with it and make his know mistakes.

Wow. My hats off to you.

@Foxesandsquirrels Both my girls became demonic at 13 but in different ways - one was hysterical, difficult to engage with, rude, obnoxious, drugs, issues at school, heinous friends - transformed around 16/17, loved 6th form, got decent boyfriend and is now the most independent and capable one in final year of Law degree. My other daughter did mischievous and bizarre things, no drugs, booze or boys - argumentative, physically aggressive, oppositional - still kind of going through it at 17 but much better, doing well at (2nd) college, has lovely friends - was very much affected by lockdown. My oldest (boy) became massively into full-on risk taking at 15 - weed, girls, sponsored BMXer (no brakes and regularly stoned when riding), wild parties, constant drama at school, taking on teachers, mixing with much older boys, loads of festivals, got progressively worse, sectioned at 20 (cannabis psychosis) followed by a spell in prison for explosives having dropped out of Bristol uni - now at 24 completely sober, jujitsu champion, rides motorbike sensibly, works hard, calm social life.

They all love animals and are all vegans!

It’s fair to say I have not enjoyed the teen years - all my kids were so sweet & glorious as young children. They have come out the other side and so will yours - Most come back to their senses 😀